How to heal from a loss of a loved one?

[Tiwana]

It has been three weeks now since my father's departure and I am still mourning of my loss.

My father was a diabetic for 10 years and had stroke attack 4 months before he died. Stroke took everything from him. He could not move his right part of body, could not eat (use feeding tube through his nose), used urine catheter, couldn't speak (this was the most painful for us).

Since he had stroke, he spent most of his time in hospitals.
The first day my father got hospitalized, he was placed in ICU room,
He looked so weak, suffer and uncomfortable. I cried to see all those medical tools putting on his body.
It tortured me, so I prayed and spoke to God, "I love my father but YOUR will be done".
Struggling to keep my father with us, we moved from one to another better hospital.
Yet, it is God's will, not ours. I believe He took my father for He loves him so much and put him in a better place now.

The days since he passed continue to be filled with mixed emotions and random feelings in my daily life.
I have never been able to sleep well at night, it is like I always have nightmare.
Many times I see things on places that remind me of him and it makes me cry no matter wherever I am. Photographs bring me to tears too.
Yesterday was my birthday. Until last year it had always been my parent's call to wake me up in the morning on my birthday, but it didnt happen yesterday because my mother seemed to forget it too.

I miss my father so much. I miss him calling my name. I find myself desperately longing for proof that he is all right, that he is still with me.

How should I deal with my loss?

 

[Deadtosin]

Tiwana, I am sorry for your loss. First off, what happened to your father with the stroke is very hard to hear. I'm sure it was even harder to experience it, not just you, but him as well. He has passed on, I hope your father knew Jesus Christ, and if He did he is in heaven with our Lord and Savior. If he did not know Jesus we can all pray for his soul. However, whether he knew Jesus or not does not change the fact that he was suffering tremendously 4 months before he died. So it is already a great thing that he has passed over. Nothing in this life is permanent, not you, not me, not anyone or anything we love that walks or sits on earth. Knowledge is power and the sooner we grab that truth and accept it the easier it is too move on when life changes under our feet. I too know what it is like to lose someone, as I have lost a son. I know you miss your father, but know this. All of those memories that you can't get out of your head are blessings, not curses. You have countless memories of your father, remember the good times, smile and laugh. If he is in heaven, than you can know that you will see him again someday! if you aren't sure than you can rest with the knowledge that nobody knows what happened between him and Jesus in those final days or final moments. So there will remain that hope regardless. God knows best. In short, it was all a gift Tiwana every moment he was in your life. You didn't ask to be his daughter, and he didn't sign up to be your father, it was Gods good will that did that for the both of you. You were a blessing to him as he was a blessing to you. Bask in the warmth of those memories and don't feel that you lost anything that you weren't already promised you would lose, for we are all promised to die. again, it was a blessing that he passed. He was not the man that you've seen for those last 4 months, he isn't sick, he isn't immobile he isn't frail. Praise God and appreciate what you've had. " May God guide your understanding, in Jesus name"-Jeff.

 

[masha]

I know how you are surfering with personal expirience,in the year 1989 i lost my beloved sister with diabet, and year 1994 i lost my mum and i was only young girl,2008 i lost another sister n she was killed. by that time when i had the message i forget my child and i asked God why he didn't takes me instad of taking my sister? i was very very angry with God n it takes time for me to return my faith to God,cos my sister was also sick but may be it could have been better for me to hear she died cos of her desies instad of been killed with a stupid thive.my pain passed but i still miss them all n i keep on praying so that to help all of use to meet in heaven one day. don't worry about ur birth day the time will come that u'll be able to cereblate it without problem.death is one of our bitter things in like,something which helped me is Jesus the son of God died on the cross so we'll all taste death even tho its very painful thing. be Blessed Jane.

 

[Jordache]

Tiwana,
I understand those feelings. My father passed away June 10, just a little over two months ago. The feelings will come up. Allow them to. Feel them and surrender them to God. Leave them at the cross. It will feel overwhelming and confusing at times, but that is natural. By the time I got to my father, he was unable to speak. I had not heard his voice in over 6 months. He was in a lot of pain, but by God's grace god appointed me the strong one. I made the decision to remove him from life support. I updated my siblings. But it was all by Gods grace.
It does get better. You will always miss them either for who they were or who you wish they'd been. Do not be afraid even of the latter. Those negative feelings about who the person was or how they treated us come for most of us. No one is perfect. Do not feel like you are bring shame on your family to feel those things. Feel them and give them to Jesus.

 

[Tiwana]

Hello Jeff,

Thank you for your thoughts.

"If he is in heaven, than you can know that you will see him again someday! He was not the man that you've seen for those last 4 months, he isn't sick, he isn't immobile he isn't frail"

Everytime I tell to my younger brother that I miss Dad, he says me exactly the same to what you said.

A fact about my father...
I believe he knew Jesus in his life though he didn't really go to the church.
For 3 months after he had his stroke attack, he used to lose his awareness of what actually happened around him, one of the things is about praying.
When we prayed around him, or we asked him to pray together, he seemed not to understand it.
A month before he died, we took him to a better hospital oversea. Few days after, my mother and I asked him to pray before feeding him and he looked at us, nodded, used his left hand to lift he right hand, closed his eyes and only opened his eyes when mom said Amen. That's when we started to pray together again.

 

[Lucy68]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss . You and your dad were obviously very close. What a blessing

Some may think 'time heals' is a trite and meaningless phrase but it does have a lot of truth. Eventually, the good memories will become more powerful than the negative ones...you will dwell on the good things and not the last months in the hospital.

Don't push yourself too fast...grieving is a necessary and beneficial trait that God put into us. Just take it one-day-at-a-time. Try to remember the good times and thank God for the blessing of your father. A grateful heart does much to overcome depression

When we experience the loss of a loved one, I think it's like our universe tilts and we have to have time to get back into balance; or a new normal. Our frame of reference has changed somehow.

I think a strong relationship with God will get us back into balance quicker....through Christ because He is our anchor in this ever-changing life. Reading God's Word really does give us encouragement and hope.

Praying for peace and comfort for you

 

[Tiwana]

I know how you are surfering with personal expirience,in the year 1989 i lost my beloved sister with diabet, and year 1994 i lost my mum and i was only young girl,2008 i lost another sister n she was killed. by that time when i had the message i forget my child and i asked God why he didn't takes me instad of taking my sister? i was very very angry with God n it takes time for me to return my faith to God,cos my sister was also sick but may be it could have been better for me to hear she died cos of her desies instad of been killed with a stupid thive.my pain passed but i still miss them all n i keep on praying so that to help all of use to meet in heaven one day. don't worry about ur birth day the time will come that u'll be able to cereblate it without problem.death is one of our bitter things in like,something which helped me is Jesus the son of God died on the cross so we'll all taste death even tho its very painful thing. be Blessed Jane.

Loosing my father is my first loss ever. It is painful but I understand now my pain is nothing compared to yours.
I am sorry to learn about your mum and sisters.
*hugs* Jane

 

[simplyme_bekah]

When my mama died it took about a year for the shock of it and newness of her not being there to wear off. It took about two years for things to be the new normal. We love our parents so we mourn for them for awhile. Healing happens with time and with God. I am very sorry for your loss. Lifting you up in prayer now.

 

[Tiwana]

Thank you Lucy.
As you said "time heals". I do really hope so.And yes, the good memories with my father will last forever.

 

[RedTent]

When my husband died I felt as though I had part of me cut away. I had to create a new me, a new life. God loved me, God had a plan for my life, I had to find that plan and live it. I had to put on the whole, entire, armor of God with His word and find His place for me.

It was simple steps at first. I went to a restaurant he didn’t like, I listened to “my” music, little things. And then God opened up new work for me, God showed me the way to live my life fully, even without my beloved husband. Even ways to live I couldn’t have done if he would have stayed with me.