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It has been three weeks now since my father's departure and I am still mourning of my loss.
My father was a diabetic for 10 years and had stroke attack 4 months before he died. Stroke took everything from him. He could not move his right part of body, could not eat (use feeding tube through his nose), used urine catheter, couldn't speak (this was the most painful for us).
Since he had stroke, he spent most of his time in hospitals.
The first day my father got hospitalized, he was placed in ICU room,
He looked so weak, suffer and uncomfortable. I cried to see all those medical tools putting on his body.
It tortured me, so I prayed and spoke to God, "I love my father but YOUR will be done".
Struggling to keep my father with us, we moved from one to another better hospital.
Yet, it is God's will, not ours. I believe He took my father for He loves him so much and put him in a better place now.
The days since he passed continue to be filled with mixed emotions and random feelings in my daily life.
I have never been able to sleep well at night, it is like I always have nightmare.
Many times I see things on places that remind me of him and it makes me cry no matter wherever I am. Photographs bring me to tears too.
Yesterday was my birthday. Until last year it had always been my parent's call to wake me up in the morning on my birthday, but it didnt happen yesterday because my mother seemed to forget it too.
I miss my father so much. I miss him calling my name. I find myself desperately longing for proof that he is all right, that he is still with me.
How should I deal with my loss?
My father was a diabetic for 10 years and had stroke attack 4 months before he died. Stroke took everything from him. He could not move his right part of body, could not eat (use feeding tube through his nose), used urine catheter, couldn't speak (this was the most painful for us).
Since he had stroke, he spent most of his time in hospitals.
The first day my father got hospitalized, he was placed in ICU room,
He looked so weak, suffer and uncomfortable. I cried to see all those medical tools putting on his body.
It tortured me, so I prayed and spoke to God, "I love my father but YOUR will be done".
Struggling to keep my father with us, we moved from one to another better hospital.
Yet, it is God's will, not ours. I believe He took my father for He loves him so much and put him in a better place now.
The days since he passed continue to be filled with mixed emotions and random feelings in my daily life.
I have never been able to sleep well at night, it is like I always have nightmare.
Many times I see things on places that remind me of him and it makes me cry no matter wherever I am. Photographs bring me to tears too.
Yesterday was my birthday. Until last year it had always been my parent's call to wake me up in the morning on my birthday, but it didnt happen yesterday because my mother seemed to forget it too.
I miss my father so much. I miss him calling my name. I find myself desperately longing for proof that he is all right, that he is still with me.
How should I deal with my loss?