I am desperate for Godly advise.

[frustrated04]

I have been married for 22 yrs. We have 17 yr old boy/girl twins. We have had some issues with our children that have driven a wedge between us. We basically exist as roommates. Its been almost a yr since we've had sex and he seems not to care that we are completely disfunctional. We often don't agree on parenting, what we believe as christians, and it seems not much in general! I am depressed all the time. None of us really communicate. I know that my kids are not learning how to be happily married by watching us. I would've left already but this marriage is what I signed up for and I want to do 1 thing right in my life. I just need help to get through this life.

 

[maxwel]

Have you tried talking to your pastor, for counseling?

 

[ray_james]

I also would recommend counseling, as maxwel stated above.
I feel as though my parents were in a similar situation earlier in my life. There were a lot of bad things going on and I am surprised that it did not end in a divorce. But my dad started meeting with my pastor once a week and I believe that really helped out things. Now I'm not saying it will help you, but it helped with mine. Will be praying!
-ray

 

[presidente]

I have been married for 22 yrs. We have 17 yr old boy/girl twins. We have had some issues with our children that have driven a wedge between us. We basically exist as roommates. Its been almost a yr since we've had sex and he seems not to care that we are completely disfunctional. We often don't agree on parenting, what we believe as christians, and it seems not much in general! I am depressed all the time. None of us really communicate. I know that my kids are not learning how to be happily married by watching us. I would've left already but this marriage is what I signed up for and I want to do 1 thing right in my life. I just need help to get through this life.

If you found a good Christian counselor, that might be helpful for you.

I've also read of a couple of surveys (or maybe the same survey told about in different sources that though Barna surveys show that the divorce rates among professing evangelicals are about that of the world, far less than 1% of Christian married
couples who pray together regularly divorce.

Spending some time asking God to heal your marriage and confessing sins to one another can be a powerfully healing thing. It could take away walls that seem impenetrable between you if the Lord works as you both surrender to Him.

About the differences on parenting, is this a major issue of principle? He's not trying to get the kids to rob a bank is he? Is this an issue that could simply be solved by the wife submitting to her husband as Ephesians 5, Collosians 3, and I Peter 3 teach? Sometimes that's the simple solution that can bring peace. Even if you disagree, doing so in a submissive matter can bring more change than certain types of conflict.

On the sex issue, have you tried saying, "We need to be having sex. How about we start tonight and make sure we have sex X times a week." I know some guys avoid sex if there is a conflict or if they don't feel respected, but a lot of men will just say 'yes' to an offer like that and are able to set conflicts aside for long enough to have physical intimacy.

 

[Marian29]

I have been married for 22 yrs. We have 17 yr old boy/girl twins. We have had some issues with our children that have driven a wedge between us. We basically exist as roommates. Its been almost a yr since we've had sex and he seems not to care that we are completely disfunctional. We often don't agree on parenting, what we believe as christians, and it seems not much in general! I am depressed all the time. None of us really communicate. I know that my kids are not learning how to be happily married by watching us. I would've left already but this marriage is what I signed up for and I want to do 1 thing right in my life. I just need help to get through this life.

Don't look to the problems... look to the Great God you have. Nothing is impossible to Him. I also suffered before in my own home, after my dad's death I was depressed and feeling lonely, because I tought he was my best friend, so I began to isolate myself. Then when I found Jesus again, I saw it wasn't normal to don't talk with my own mother, I trusted, prayed and waited. In the right moment, Jesus changed our home, now I can see how important is to keep praying and keeping asking the right things to the Lord. Praise the Lord! God bless you...

"For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."


Matthew 7:8

"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."


Revelation 3:20

"Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?"


Matthew 7:9-11

 

[Dan58]

Communication is key, sounds like you both need to compromise in order to create a happy environment to finish raising your kids in. Its fine that you don't each believe the exact same things, but be willing to listen and consider each others point of view. Without knowing the exact sticking points that are disrupting your marriage, all anyone can suggest is that you agree on what you can and agree to disagree on what you can't.

Sometimes people grow apart and have less in common. Don't allow a wedge to develop by stubbornly sticking to what you think. That seems to be where your at? Its easier to be happy than depressed, but I'm guessing your each trying to change the other and its not working. If you've ever tried to change yourself, you know how hard it is to do that, and you'll also know how impossible it is to change someone else.

 

[MarcR]

At 17 they are a year away from having adult status in our society whether or not they are ready for it.

Talk to your husband about parenting from that perspective; and you may find yourselves agreeing on ways to help them learn to make effective decisions as adults.

 

[resurrection33]

I have been married for 22 yrs. We have 17 yr old boy/girl twins. We have had some issues with our children that have driven a wedge between us. We basically exist as roommates. Its been almost a yr since we've had sex and he seems not to care that we are completely disfunctional. We often don't agree on parenting, what we believe as christians, and it seems not much in general! I am depressed all the time. None of us really communicate. I know that my kids are not learning how to be happily married by watching us. I would've left already but this marriage is what I signed up for and I want to do 1 thing right in my life. I just need help to get through this life.

I think talking to a pastor would be a good idea.

 

[Sirk]

Unprocessed pain always leads to anger anxiety and depression....which lead to disconnection. Looks like this is a heart to heart connection issue. When the heart to heart connection is lost, it is easy to dehumanize the other person or people, and think the worst about them.