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So, where do I begin?
I am a 19 year old female college student and basically I really need someone to talk too. I have a major problem...
I believe I am a sex addict.
It all started when I was around 10 yrs old. My older male cousins would touch me in private areas and I didn't stop them. In fact I went along with it. We never had intercourse, just alot of touching. I didn't know it was wrong (had no idea what incest was) at the time but even at 10 yrs old, I liked it. Eventually thay got older and stopped brothering me (and my sister) and went after girls their own age (outside the family). Then, around the age of 13, I discovered the world of pornography. I would sneak on to sites and watch videos of people having sex, read sex stories, and look at pictures. Soon after, I started going into chat rooms and found out about cyber sex (and participated in it). And long story short, I still have this problem 6 years later. I was saved when I was nine, which is pretty young, but I knew what being a Christian was; I just wasn't doing it. Once I hit 14, i started feeling guilty about what I was doing and I started praying about it. I remember telling God I would stop looking at this stuff and I stopped looking at it for a few months. Then one day I would be all alone at home, bored, at the computer, and I gave into temptation over and over again. Or, I would be watching a movie or television show and a sex scene would come on, and I didn't turn it off. 6 years have gone by, and I still struggle with this. In highschool, I even would stay up late on the weekends when everyone went to bed and watch all the late night tv shows/movies rated R for obvious reasons. Now it's harder, especially being at college and being my own boss and having my own privacy (w/ access to ANYTHING on my own computer).
Then, the story gets worse. Around 15, I started to become interested in girls (still interested in guys too). Not because I am a lesbian but I guess because I was curious about homosexuality and how it was portrayed through the media. What makes it SO BAD is that I KNOW its wrong, and disgusting, and against God's word, but I can't keep these thoughts out of my head and I think I going to go crazy if I don't make this right! Everyday I find myself thinking about something sexual, or when I hear certain words I automatically think of some kind of sexual connotation. On the up side, I am still a virgin after all these years and I have never been in an intimate relationship of any kind. But at the same time I feel like everything I have "seen" automatically excludes me from the virgin category.
I Love God. I REALLY do! And i believe he died on the cross for my sins, and rose on the third day and saved a wretch like me. I just don't know what to do. I know I am living in sin everyday I give into these urges but I feel like a can't control it or that i need it to be happy. After all these years I'm starting to realize that this problem is too big for me to handle alone but I can't find the courage to actually admit this to someone and get help. Nobody knows this about me. People see me as a shy, kind, smart, christian young woman who would never intentionally do anything bad. All my teachers from grade school to high school bragged about me to my parents and always saw me as this perfect student. It kills me inside to know that nobody knows this secret about me, but at the same time I don't want them to know that this goody-too-shoo, suburban straight A student, and proclaimer of Jesus Christ is doing something this vile.
Can someone help me, please?
I am a 19 year old female college student and basically I really need someone to talk too. I have a major problem...
I believe I am a sex addict.
It all started when I was around 10 yrs old. My older male cousins would touch me in private areas and I didn't stop them. In fact I went along with it. We never had intercourse, just alot of touching. I didn't know it was wrong (had no idea what incest was) at the time but even at 10 yrs old, I liked it. Eventually thay got older and stopped brothering me (and my sister) and went after girls their own age (outside the family). Then, around the age of 13, I discovered the world of pornography. I would sneak on to sites and watch videos of people having sex, read sex stories, and look at pictures. Soon after, I started going into chat rooms and found out about cyber sex (and participated in it). And long story short, I still have this problem 6 years later. I was saved when I was nine, which is pretty young, but I knew what being a Christian was; I just wasn't doing it. Once I hit 14, i started feeling guilty about what I was doing and I started praying about it. I remember telling God I would stop looking at this stuff and I stopped looking at it for a few months. Then one day I would be all alone at home, bored, at the computer, and I gave into temptation over and over again. Or, I would be watching a movie or television show and a sex scene would come on, and I didn't turn it off. 6 years have gone by, and I still struggle with this. In highschool, I even would stay up late on the weekends when everyone went to bed and watch all the late night tv shows/movies rated R for obvious reasons. Now it's harder, especially being at college and being my own boss and having my own privacy (w/ access to ANYTHING on my own computer).
Then, the story gets worse. Around 15, I started to become interested in girls (still interested in guys too). Not because I am a lesbian but I guess because I was curious about homosexuality and how it was portrayed through the media. What makes it SO BAD is that I KNOW its wrong, and disgusting, and against God's word, but I can't keep these thoughts out of my head and I think I going to go crazy if I don't make this right! Everyday I find myself thinking about something sexual, or when I hear certain words I automatically think of some kind of sexual connotation. On the up side, I am still a virgin after all these years and I have never been in an intimate relationship of any kind. But at the same time I feel like everything I have "seen" automatically excludes me from the virgin category.
I Love God. I REALLY do! And i believe he died on the cross for my sins, and rose on the third day and saved a wretch like me. I just don't know what to do. I know I am living in sin everyday I give into these urges but I feel like a can't control it or that i need it to be happy. After all these years I'm starting to realize that this problem is too big for me to handle alone but I can't find the courage to actually admit this to someone and get help. Nobody knows this about me. People see me as a shy, kind, smart, christian young woman who would never intentionally do anything bad. All my teachers from grade school to high school bragged about me to my parents and always saw me as this perfect student. It kills me inside to know that nobody knows this secret about me, but at the same time I don't want them to know that this goody-too-shoo, suburban straight A student, and proclaimer of Jesus Christ is doing something this vile.
Can someone help me, please?