R
It is becoming harder for me to go anywhere. People don't want me around, I'm always the center of attention where ever I go, but it's not the good kind of attention, it's the "I'm waiting for a chance to attack you, bother you, intimidate you, stare at you to show I don't like you, or be scared/alerted/cautious of you" etc.... kind of attention. I get it from strangers, family members, friends, teachers, kids, adults, everyone including Christians. People will stop right in the middle of what they're doing to make sure I know they have a problem with me.
This is just an example of what I face on a daily basis: I am having lunch with some acquaintances and some girl who I've never met before, just comes out of nowhere and stands in front of our table with her arms folded, giving me the most sinister look a person could ever give. Her boyfriend(I'm assuming) was trying to have a conversation with her, but she was too fixated on me. So he just left her alone and started to have a problem with me as well. I became her target for no apparent reason and it usually influences the person they are with to target me as well. I notice this happens when I am laughing, happy and having a good time. The more jovial I am the more the person has a problem with me. But when I am ticked or have had enough, they are scared of me. So it's a lose lose.
Another example, I needed to collect my package from the post office. As soon as I entered and got in line behind all the people, the man behind the desk taking package slips, abruptly stops what he's doing and looks directly at me for at least 7 seconds....almost as if he had frozen in fright/alertness, now I know that people glance or look around, it's normal, but if the person keeps doing it as if they have to keep an eye on you then it's something more to it. Pretty soon, other people in line sensed his problem with me and they started doing it to me as well. So now by this point, communication has spread about me, without anyone saying anything vocally to each other. It makes me feel like I have been negatively set up to be someone I am not.
I notice that whenever I go somewhere people always a problem with me being there; they think I am there to cause trouble or I am not there for the same reasons everyone else is there for. Me running errands, is completely different than someone else running errands. Me entering a building, is completely different than someone else entering a building. Me walking around on campus, is completely different than someone else walking around on campus, or sitting at a table, or wanting to make a purchase. Me waiting for or entering an elevator is completely different than someone else waiting for or entering an elevator, same as if a public bathroom, or restaurants....I've had a person hesitate to get in an elevator because they saw me in it.
The reaction is instant, I almost want to say it is on-sight even. So before I get a chance to show people who I really am (humble, friendly, kind, caring..etc) they have already painted me out to be a some bad person. Almost as if something has told them how to view me, and thats what they stick to. It shows in their body language and sometimes they will vocally tell me what they thought about me, and 100% of the time it is the complete opposite of who I am. The only thing that makes them change their view towards me is if I say something to make them laugh or I'm performing a certain talent of mine (singing, dancing, acting, etc) Basically, I have to be an entertainer 24/7 for anyone to see me as even remotely human. But if I am not doing anything to ameliorate people, I am back to being this target again. Whereas other people don't have to be doing anything, yet people like them automatically, e.g., an old friend of mine.
I look around and see everyone fitting in so nicely with each other, including Christians amongst other Christians. But I am on the outside looking in, not fitting in with believers or non-believers. Which are the only two types of people there are in this world.
I tried to avoid making a message about this, but it has happened way too many times for me to now see it as something to question. I've made sure I analyzed that it actually was a problem and not just in my head before becoming vocal about it. I remained silent about it for a while because I think people would call me crazy or paranoid. Now that I notice it is a something more, I'm bringing it to people to see if anyone can help or even relate.
-Rm,
God Bless
This is just an example of what I face on a daily basis: I am having lunch with some acquaintances and some girl who I've never met before, just comes out of nowhere and stands in front of our table with her arms folded, giving me the most sinister look a person could ever give. Her boyfriend(I'm assuming) was trying to have a conversation with her, but she was too fixated on me. So he just left her alone and started to have a problem with me as well. I became her target for no apparent reason and it usually influences the person they are with to target me as well. I notice this happens when I am laughing, happy and having a good time. The more jovial I am the more the person has a problem with me. But when I am ticked or have had enough, they are scared of me. So it's a lose lose.
Another example, I needed to collect my package from the post office. As soon as I entered and got in line behind all the people, the man behind the desk taking package slips, abruptly stops what he's doing and looks directly at me for at least 7 seconds....almost as if he had frozen in fright/alertness, now I know that people glance or look around, it's normal, but if the person keeps doing it as if they have to keep an eye on you then it's something more to it. Pretty soon, other people in line sensed his problem with me and they started doing it to me as well. So now by this point, communication has spread about me, without anyone saying anything vocally to each other. It makes me feel like I have been negatively set up to be someone I am not.
I notice that whenever I go somewhere people always a problem with me being there; they think I am there to cause trouble or I am not there for the same reasons everyone else is there for. Me running errands, is completely different than someone else running errands. Me entering a building, is completely different than someone else entering a building. Me walking around on campus, is completely different than someone else walking around on campus, or sitting at a table, or wanting to make a purchase. Me waiting for or entering an elevator is completely different than someone else waiting for or entering an elevator, same as if a public bathroom, or restaurants....I've had a person hesitate to get in an elevator because they saw me in it.
The reaction is instant, I almost want to say it is on-sight even. So before I get a chance to show people who I really am (humble, friendly, kind, caring..etc) they have already painted me out to be a some bad person. Almost as if something has told them how to view me, and thats what they stick to. It shows in their body language and sometimes they will vocally tell me what they thought about me, and 100% of the time it is the complete opposite of who I am. The only thing that makes them change their view towards me is if I say something to make them laugh or I'm performing a certain talent of mine (singing, dancing, acting, etc) Basically, I have to be an entertainer 24/7 for anyone to see me as even remotely human. But if I am not doing anything to ameliorate people, I am back to being this target again. Whereas other people don't have to be doing anything, yet people like them automatically, e.g., an old friend of mine.
I look around and see everyone fitting in so nicely with each other, including Christians amongst other Christians. But I am on the outside looking in, not fitting in with believers or non-believers. Which are the only two types of people there are in this world.
I tried to avoid making a message about this, but it has happened way too many times for me to now see it as something to question. I've made sure I analyzed that it actually was a problem and not just in my head before becoming vocal about it. I remained silent about it for a while because I think people would call me crazy or paranoid. Now that I notice it is a something more, I'm bringing it to people to see if anyone can help or even relate.
-Rm,
God Bless