I got myself into a very delicate situation, any advice would be welcomed

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J

jinx

Guest
#21
the other women might find it acceptable, but what if they don't? what if secretly they can't stand the dude with all his flirting. maybe his wife should hear about it. What if by going through with a lawsuit you'd be doing everyone a favor of shutting him up once and for all? What if the next co worker he goes too far?
 
M

MrsAsghar

Guest
#22

Yesterday nobody was talking to me at work, I'm pretty sur they know what's going on. I just find it funny that I'm now the one at fault in their eyes because I told the truth, even though I didn't mean for this to happen.
I don't blame you a bit for wanting out of there. It sounds to me as if it is not a healthy environment for a Christian to be in. As for your coworkers, they are clearly not Christian and they are of this world if that is the kind of things they enjoy talking about and listening to. Because of you being Christian and your convictions, your coworkers can not understand these things so they will persecute you or just plain make your life miserable.

As I said, I am sorry to hear this has happened to you and you are in our prayers. No one should have to go through such things, but this seems to be the way of the world now days. Just stick to your godly convictions and Christ will see you through. And you know there are real Christian folks out there you can talk to for encouragement when and if you feel you are getting beat up from the things happening around you.

I know all will go well. Trust in the Lord and try not to worry about what your coworkers think or say, they are the ones with the problem.

God bless
 
M

MrsAsghar

Guest
#23

Yesterday nobody was talking to me at work, I'm pretty sur they know what's going on. I just find it funny that I'm now the one at fault in their eyes because I told the truth, even though I didn't mean for this to happen.
Also dear, keep in mind, it makes no difference what anyone else in this world thinks of you. What is most important is what GOD thinks of you.

Hugs! :)
 
Apr 15, 2013
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#24
Oh boy, I don’t know what I did today. Ok, so I work for a bank and I want to transfer to another branch because well, I’ve been having issues with my current manager. The problem is I guess, I shouldn’t have specified exactly why I wanted to transfer to this other manager, because I was put in a very embarrassing situation. Let me give you some background info first.
Basically my current boss has been asking me out probably ever since I started working there but he always said it jokingly, matter of fact he says everything jokingly so most of the time ppl can’t really tell whether he is serious or not; He has a lot of sex jokes that make me feel very uncomfortable as a Christian and as a person, but everybody else usually laugh at it. I’m the one that’s “too serious” according to all my coworkers but really, I’ve never worked with somebody like that before. However, about a month ago, he definitely went too far with me.
He followed me to my car and as I got inside, he jumped in on the passenger side and startled me. I was really in shock, so I finally told him yes we can go out to a restaurant but it had to be right at the moment; he wasn’t ready so he asked me to text him my address later that night. I did agree, so that he could get off my car. To my huge surprise, he texted me with an interrogation mark about an hour and a half after, he was waiting for me to send my address. I realized this man is REALLY serious. I didn’t sleep that night and that was the turning point for me. The next day I told him not to text me anymore otherwise I am calling HR on him. And I said that in front of everybody because they KNOW what is going on (mind you none of my coworkers reacted to that-this is another subject I will talk about separately). He got mad and told me he was joking with me- (I didn’t buy it of course). I was in an abusive relationship before and feel like I have to defend myself now if I feel threatened like that, so I guess people may feel like I overreacted. This happened over a month ago. Since then we don’t talk to each other at work and the situation is very tense. I just can’t stand him anymore
So I asked to transfer to this other branch two days ago, and I really couldn’t find anything else to say than the truth to this other manager. It really just came out. I told him my manager asked me out. I didn’t go into the details but he asked me to talk to HR, I said noway. But I would have never thought that he would take it to the district manager. So this morning, he came to our branch and called me to the office; I was in shocked when he asked if it was true, so I first said no, and then I said yes. He got mad coz I lied in to him in the first place but really I didn’t mean to throw the guy under the bus. I just wanted a transfer, OMG! He asked me to write a statement basically explaining what I said earlier. I didn’t lie but I Really didn’t want to take it this far. I did tell him the guy stopped harassing me when I told him I was gonna call HR. I don’t want him to lose his job because of me.

I really don’t feel good about all this I don’t know what I should do. The DM also told me somebody will contact me to investigate this. Any advices for me???

Thanks a lot!
Did you ever try talking to him and mentioning that you didn't find the jokes funny, that you just weren't interested and that it all made you feel uncomfortable?

Why did you accept his date in the first place, then get annoyed when he got offended for you doing a turnaround? I'd be offended too.

The best thing you can do is have a meeting with HR, ON YOUR OWN, without him there, and explain the sex jokes and how it made you feel uncomfortable, but you felt too silly to mention it. Tell them it's just not your thing and either it needs to stop or you need a transfer.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#25
Oh boy, I don’t know what I did today. Ok, so I work for a bank and I want to transfer to another branch because well, I’ve been having issues with my current manager. The problem is I guess, I shouldn’t have specified exactly why I wanted to transfer to this other manager, because I was put in a very embarrassing situation. Let me give you some background info first.
Basically my current boss has been asking me out probably ever since I started working there but he always said it jokingly, matter of fact he says everything jokingly so most of the time ppl can’t really tell whether he is serious or not; He has a lot of sex jokes that make me feel very uncomfortable as a Christian and as a person, but everybody else usually laugh at it. I’m the one that’s “too serious” according to all my coworkers but really, I’ve never worked with somebody like that before. However, about a month ago, he definitely went too far with me.
He followed me to my car and as I got inside, he jumped in on the passenger side and startled me. I was really in shock, so I finally told him yes we can go out to a restaurant but it had to be right at the moment; he wasn’t ready so he asked me to text him my address later that night. I did agree, so that he could get off my car. To my huge surprise, he texted me with an interrogation mark about an hour and a half after, he was waiting for me to send my address. I realized this man is REALLY serious. I didn’t sleep that night and that was the turning point for me. The next day I told him not to text me anymore otherwise I am calling HR on him. And I said that in front of everybody because they KNOW what is going on (mind you none of my coworkers reacted to that-this is another subject I will talk about separately). He got mad and told me he was joking with me- (I didn’t buy it of course). I was in an abusive relationship before and feel like I have to defend myself now if I feel threatened like that, so I guess people may feel like I overreacted. This happened over a month ago. Since then we don’t talk to each other at work and the situation is very tense. I just can’t stand him anymore
So I asked to transfer to this other branch two days ago, and I really couldn’t find anything else to say than the truth to this other manager. It really just came out. I told him my manager asked me out. I didn’t go into the details but he asked me to talk to HR, I said noway. But I would have never thought that he would take it to the district manager. So this morning, he came to our branch and called me to the office; I was in shocked when he asked if it was true, so I first said no, and then I said yes. He got mad coz I lied in to him in the first place but really I didn’t mean to throw the guy under the bus. I just wanted a transfer, OMG! He asked me to write a statement basically explaining what I said earlier. I didn’t lie but I Really didn’t want to take it this far. I did tell him the guy stopped harassing me when I told him I was gonna call HR. I don’t want him to lose his job because of me.

I really don’t feel good about all this I don’t know what I should do. The DM also told me somebody will contact me to investigate this. Any advices for me???

Thanks a lot!


I'm sorry you're going through this. I feel bad for you. I know it's tough but you did the right thing. I've worked with a
lot of women in different occupations 99.9 of us don't appreciate sexual jokes. I feel it's inappropriate in a social setting, but for a manager to go that far in a work place that's extremely inappropriate.

This man made his own bed. You had the courage to say hey this is wrong. Whether these woman tell you or not I'm sure they appreciate it. I would. Time for this guy to put on his big boy pants and face the music.

You may not have to, but I would think of consulting a lawyer. My prayers are with you, you did the right thing.
 
L

Lexie0

Guest
#26
Thanks to everybody for the advices. At this time, I'm just trying to expedite the transfer to this other branch before he is made aware of the situation by the investigators. I don't feel comfortable being around while this whole thing is going on. The recruiter is giving me a hard time so I was going to email the DM to see if this can be done quickly otherwise I don't think I'll stick around another week.
 
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jinx

Guest
#27
:( I feel bad for ya girly.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#28
*You should have posted this in woman's forum. Men have NO IDEA about this stuff.*
Really? So men never have these problems? Wow. That's amazing.

It's always great when someone posts a topic that goes for either gender, and someone makes it a gender issue. Its not a gender issue, its a legal issue. There are laws against his type of behavior. What about that makes men have 'no idea'? That was a totally unfounded and offensive accusation. Sexism is still alive and well in CC.
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#29
Lexi, that guy was clearly out of line, and his behavior is unacceptable. PERIOD. No one is entitled to invade your space or harrass you.

You're not doing anything wrong by reporting the incident.

Since HR is conducting an investigation, i would recommend just telling the truth about the situation when they question you. I'm glad to hear you're at a different branch, but don't be afraid or ashamed of sticking up for yourself.

Also, I invite you to check out the ladies forum, we have a few great posts that touch on this.
 
J

jinx

Guest
#30
I agree, don't be ashamed because you stuck up for yourself.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#31
The truth will set you free....


I know it sound clique but its true. You can even show them the text message and tell them about him getting in your car. Even if it is a "joke" he should have stopped when you told him it made you uncomfortable.

He is married and should respect his wife more than to make crude jokes and flirt with his female co-workers.

IF he is lusting after other women then he is already committing adultery and maybe this will be a wakeup call to tell him his thoughts and behavior is NOT respectable or accepted.

the other women sound weak and vain. they either enjoy the attention or they are scared like you of being seen as "mean"

He threw himself under the bus and he deserves to lose his job if he can't learn to control his tongue and his libido.

don't make excuses for him. the guy was being a jerk. some people think its funny. but then bullies think what they are doing is fun/funny too. its not.

its an abuse of his power.
 
B

BarlyGurl

Guest
#32
Midnite And zero... THANK YOU for charging in to give good reasonable and sound advice... HOORAH!
 
V

violakat

Guest
#33
Well you see, it looks like he has done this to all my female coworkers, as I used to hear them joke about it. You see, my coworkers really don't mind him asking them out or joking inappropriately about the way they dress.
When I first started I was amazed at the relationship he had with this other girl at work. At some point I thought they were going out because they were clearly flirting in front of everybody and I dt know if they thought he was just kidding but that was a big red flag for me already. I mean the guy is married with kids and the girl clearly didn't mind at all I guess she felt special or something. So he clearly has done that with all if them but they just think he is " funny". Thats why I was never really able to fit in the group anyway.
Like I said, they know exactly what's going on and one thing also is that he does it in plain sight. All this I'm telling you about is not done behind closed doors. He asked me out in front of everybody, earlier that day, he had told me he had dreams about me, when I asked him what kind of dreams, he told me I should come to his office, he'll tell me more. He said all that in front of everybody. This other girl just told him jokingly to stop bothering me.
So i guess he has been successful in making it seem natural for him to say those things in public because I don't think they will ever throw him under the bus. He has done this several times and nobody never said anything. But with me he went too far.
Thanks to everybody for the advices. At this time, I'm just trying to expedite the transfer to this other branch before he is made aware of the situation by the investigators. I don't feel comfortable being around while this whole thing is going on. The recruiter is giving me a hard time so I was going to email the DM to see if this can be done quickly otherwise I don't think I'll stick around another week.
Lexie, I was 19 when I first experienced sexual harassment, and I didn't know how to handle it then either, just like you. In fact, none of the girls who I worked with knew how to. As I grew older, I learn that the best way to stop it is by speaking out. At some point, you will get mad enough, and when you do, that's when you find the courage to say enough.

You say that all the other girls have no problem with what's going on, but chances are, there are a few who hate it too. Sometimes, one feels like they have to protect themselves by covering up what the feel inside. Also, you don't know what his history with the bank is. He quite possibly could have a record. Companies do sometimes give people a second chance. And if he has done it in the past, then he's not learn.

Also, companies cannot afford lawsuits of this type of nature. If they do not take what you said seriously, and it comes to light that this man has raped someone that works there, that company could be in some serious litigation.

And yes, I did say the rape word. Because you told the other manager what's going on, it's possible you might have stopped a potential rape of someone. Possibly you, possibly someone else. I know you don't think that's true, but if this man continues on and doesn't think he will receive any repercussions for his actions, he'll continue to get progressively worse, and possibly try to rape someone. I know that sounds like a horrible thought, but honestly, that's what he's mentally doing to you already. You've already let him steal your sleep and your happiness at work. Don't let him do worse to someone else.

And yes, it's hard trying to stand up to someone who's harassing you, mainly because not enough education is being done in the workplace about the seriousness of harassment. But be brave, and report him to HR, as others and the other manager have told you to do.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#34
Lexi I hope you're OK, been praying for you.
 

sandtigeress

Senior Member
Apr 29, 2013
526
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#35
you did nothing wrong !
The rest will follow, you don't have to worry about it anymore.
Just say the truth when asked, that is all you can do, what will happen to him is out of your hands now
and not your responsibilty anymore.
You can pray for the situation and all the persons involved.
That you blurted out the reason why you wanted to leave, is a sign that it was the right thing to do.
 
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Lexie0

Guest
#36
I haven't heard back from the District manager since last week, when he had me relate what happened on a piece of paper. I did email him last Saturday because I thought he could help speed up the transfer process. I'm supposed to go back to my branch this Friday but I will resign if I dont hear back from anybody by Thursday. I just can't work with these people anymore.
This is going to be the first time for me to actually resign from a job without giving a notice. I'm not sure how to do this but I won't have any choice at this point.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#37
It might be a good thing to resign and find another company to work for. Especially if they don't take sexual harassment cases seriously.