Today, as I sat at my desk at work, I thought, "It is so foolish that I am wasting my time." You see, I have begun to settle for lukewarm living. And, though I desire Christ so fully and completely to overtake me and overwhelm me and for me to be caught up in the wonder of Him, to worship Him and know Him, I would rather turn off my brain and forget who I am for awhile.
I need passion. Why do I not have passion? I use to have it. Spades and spades of it, in fact. Mortal wounds inflicted upon my heart, my soul, and now I drift aimlessly from feeling to feeling. You know, when I am distant from Him, I am so angry. So very angry. And nothing matters. It is such a contradictory feeling. I am angry and yet I do not care.
I just want to move past the pain and the error and be completely His again, for time is too short for me to foolishly squander it this way.
I need passion. Why do I not have passion? I use to have it. Spades and spades of it, in fact. Mortal wounds inflicted upon my heart, my soul, and now I drift aimlessly from feeling to feeling. You know, when I am distant from Him, I am so angry. So very angry. And nothing matters. It is such a contradictory feeling. I am angry and yet I do not care.
I just want to move past the pain and the error and be completely His again, for time is too short for me to foolishly squander it this way.