Looking for advice on handling anger, grief, when I've erred

[DeLuna]

How am I supposed to feel when I've erred or sinned?

I struggle with depression and get confused on this easily. My depression is almost indistinguishable from healthy feelings when I'm in the midst of it. Then it turns into a self-fulfilling cycle where I either feel worthless for no reason or I fail to do something and so then feel worthless for my failure. In either event I end up feeling lethargic, numb, and do not move forward.

Sometimes though I'll feel this quiet invitation to simply let it go and move forward. It doesn't mean not being sorry or wanting to do better, it's just... an invitation to get up and keep going. Like an infinite string of second chances. Is that grace? Am I allowed to accept that offer and move forward without guilt?

Accepting that feels wrong. And even though I am depressed and do make mistakes, I want to be fully human. I want to experience my sadness and not flinch from my sins. I'm not looking for a shortcut or escape from my responsibilities. So I shirk from this subtle invitation because it feels...

... I don't want to dodge my actions. I want to be a good person. But how do I know that invitation to stand back up is from God? What if I really am trying to be irresponsible? I don't want to accept that invitation if it means risking being a bad Christian. I really believe in owning my behavior. So I unconsciously and sometimes even consciously force myself to stay down. I want God to know I'm not shrugging things and I'm trying to really experience the horror of my failures. So I refuse that invitation until I'm broken, until I have no further to fall. Only then do I feel like I sacrificed enough to show my face again by standing up. Because I want to show God I'm sorry. I really am.

A piece of me though worries I'm turning my back on grace. Could it be that little invitation to climb out of the mud is really God's love and forgiveness? I'm scared to be wrong and, in doing so, end up showing God I'm not sorry for my actions and the kind of person who runs from his behavior. I don't want to risk that chance. Yet I also know my depression survives by masquerading as the right thing to do. It says suffering is the right thing when I'm wrong or bad. It says if I'm not feeling bad enough, in a pure way, or in the right way, then I need to keep struggling downward so that I can be properly sorry.

So I guess I'm wondering... when you do something wrong, what is the right or Christian way of experiencing it? Shouldn't I feel horrible inside for failing God? Could I just move forward, stand up again, and try again without carrying my sense of failure around? Because I think I might be able to do that. It sounds wonderful. More than too good to be true. But is that what God wants? Would I be being a good Christian then? Because I want to be. I just don't want to accidentally appear or start to stop appreciating my behavior before God. Risking doing that is scary even as this subtle invitation feels... more than I can afford to hope. It sounds like it may be forgiveness in the way people talk about God having but I can't be sure. Please take witness for me.

I know my depression clouds my judgement so I'm appealing to you to help me see as I continue to pray on this. Pray for me and thank you.

 

[crmvet]

Philippians 4:6-7

 

[JesusLives]

I think your issue is the same as most of us have. We want to do something for our salvation and simple fact is we just can't. We can't save ourselves - there is no amount of us doing anything that counts and erases the bad we have done. We can't look at ourselves and fix it. All we can do is to ask Jesus to forgive us and then keep our eyes on Him as He has paid the price already.

What good does wallowing around in our despair do for us? Nothing it just keeps us down and looking at ourselves....we are failures yes it is true. But Jesus is our Savior and has already paid the price for the sins we have committed. We all need to stop looking at ourselves and keep our eyes focused on Jesus who is the perfect sacrifice having paid the price for our sins. Focus on Jesus life and then copy what we see. Learn how Jesus treated people and then do the same.

Jesus is our only way out so stop feeling like there is something that you must do other than ask for forgiveness and then start thanking Jesus for what He has done for you and put a smile on your face because you have been saved by grace and not of yourself it is a gift from God. Believe it and receive this gift and be happy as you have been saved.

 

[psychomom]

DeLuna, i hear all the time God is a God of second chances...

He isn't. He's the God of one chance and a Second Adam.

one chance...and we blew it in Eden.
but, oh, the Second Adam!

Jesus paid the due penalty for all our sins.
so now, the only Way to walk God's Way is Christ, and receiving grace to do it.
Phil 3:13 says it well...forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead...

it does sound wonderful, and it does sound too good to be true, doesn't it?
and that's because grace is not from this world, and the Gospel of Jesus
is, by worldly standards, too good to be true!

no, we don't deserve it. and no, we cannot earn it, not even by beating ourselves
over our sin, or some other method of what amounts to trying to atone for it.
Jesus paid the price in full. there's more "money" in your grace account than you can spend.

of course that doesn't mean we can sin our hearts out knowing grace covers it.
but it's by grace we stand, and by grace we walk the path of the Lord.
we don't outgrow our need of grace and the Gospel, we grow more deeply into it.

and i think you're right...the depression clouds your judgement.
and i surely will pray for you...signing off to do that now. ♥

 

[Sirk]

You gotta chase the pain. I can't emphasize it enough....Anger, depression and anxiety are the inevitable outcomes of unprocessed pain.

 

[BurdenBarer4U]

Hi Deluna, my heart breaks as I read your Tearful prayer request!
I believe that God is going to do a Miracle in your Life, and perform
a very Special healing in your heart and life that will Amaze you!
Please look and read this picture before I say anymore!


Yes, I pray and believe, that the Lords Loving hands are now holding
your wounded and broken heart!

And that he wont let go, until its fully made whole!
View attachment 95473
I can see, and the Lord can see your hearts pure desire to be a perfect
Christian for him! I believe that all true Christians have this same
tearful desire! I see the enemy's attacks on you, and many of them, I have
been at war with for years too! Let me share a little testimony and song
that gave me victory in my war, and pray it will help you with yours!

I was praying one day, and had a special presence of the Lord surrounding
me! With my eye's closed, I saw the Lord Jesus standing before a congregation
of believers in a church with his head hanging low, and he was just weeping
and crying with many tears! As I looked at many of the believers sitting in
their pews, I could see many of them just looking so sad. And I knew that
they didn't know that he was their. Then while the Lord Jesus was still weeping
I started to hear him softly saying something as he cried!
He said, I came and gave my very own life's blood on the cross for their sin,
and here are some of my Children that stand perfectly Forgiven before me,
and are washed by my blood, but they wont forgive them selves!
And as he continued to weep he just kept saying this over and over,
Their standing perfectly Forgiven before me, but they wont forgive them selves!

I then realized I was one of those ones he was weeping for! And he helped me
forgive my self! I know that one of the hardest things to do is to forgive our selves!
But the Lord showed me, that Satan was filling me with condemnation because I
would not forgive my self, not only for my whole past, but for each time I sinned,
and asked for the Lords mercy and forgiveness, yet my heart was still feeling
guilty and I just had no joy! So now being set free from the enemies condemnation,
the two scriptures that so came alive to me, was when Jeremiah said that Gods
mercy's are new each day, I now really believed it! And when Jesus answered
the disciples question of how many times should they forgive their brother's
tress pass against them in one day. Some spoke up and said once, twice, or
three times in one day! Jesus spoke unto them and said,
Forgive them seven times seventy in one day! That's forgiving their brother
490 times in just one day!

So if the Lord requires us to forgive others that much, would he not do the
same? I know that this is no license to sin, but if our heart is right and we fall
several times and battle with a certain problem for a period of time, Gods just
wants us to repent and rise up and dust our selves off ,then forgive yourself
and keep trying again! So many Christians are living needlessly under their
own condemnation! Then added with Satan's condemnation and reminders of
their past, makes for a very unhappy Christian, and yet they stand perfectly
forgiven before the Lord!

I'm sorry Sister Deluna, I have said so much here! I hope in some way it
has Blessed You, and before I forget, I told you there was a song that
was also a key to my deliverance! Please listen to it and watch it.
I think it will really be a mighty Blessing to you!
Its called What Sin?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxzdtZi8Qn4&spfreload=10

Here are a few more songs that will encourage you! And remember that
Holy Spirit anointed music and songs, drive away evil spirits and
depressive evil spirits, so if you can, please listen to some anointed
Gospel music every day! Here's a few more that will uplift you!

He will carry you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCDezqCxMFc&spfreload=10

For What Earthly Reason!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dt3RL7yPTwE

I Know That I Can Make it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTBw84Jv79I&spfreload=10

I pray that these songs were a blessing to you, and uplifted your heart!
Now before I go, I want to bless you with some anointed pictures!












God Bless You Deluna, I will be praying with you and believing with you
for the complete healing of your Heart and Life as the Lords Love and Grace
and his many Miracles and Blessings surround You!
Lord Bless You, bro Derek