Several years ago, my husband didn't seem to be filling the role of spiritual leader of our home like I thought he should. I would nag him about it, as well as complain to God, and then I had a breakthrough. One day when I was complaining in prayer, in frustration I blurted out to God, "Lord, you've got to do something about my husband. He is not meeting my needs!" Then I felt the Lord directing me to Philippians 4:19, a familiar passage, and I read and reread it until I finally understood what the Lord was trying to say to me:
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
The phrase that caught my attention was "My God" followed by the phrase "meet all of your needs." Here I was complaining that my husband wasn't meeting my needs, but then God was showing me through His Word that is isn't my husband's responsibility to meet my needs--it's God's responsibility. Now, God may use my husband as the vessel to work through to meet my needs, but that is between God and my husband. I felt a huge burden lift, and I realized that I had misplaced the focus of my prayer on MY NEEDS. What I then began doing was focusing more on God, loving my husband, and asking God to speak to my husband's heart about his responsibility to be the leader of our home. No more nagging, no more complaining; I was allowing God to take care of the situation. In the process, not only did God change my husband, but He changed ME. God empowered me to allow my husband to mature spiritually in his own way and in God's timing, and I grew to be a more patient woman. The end of the story is.....we've been married almost seven years, and my husband has really stepped up to the plate as the leader of our home.
Of course, my situation is a bit different than yours, but the concept is the same. Turn your husband completely over to God, allow God to work on him and keep your focus on God as the one who meets your needs. If you have good rapport with your pastor and his wife, you might schedule a counseling appointment to discuss the matter with them as a couple to receive their guidance. Pray with them, and the pastor may feel led to speak to your husband and approach your husband in love about his responsibilities as your husband. Change won't happen overnight, and it might take months or even years, but when God fixes a marriage, He does a much better job than any of us can do.
My prayers go up for you and your husband, pr3cious.
~Lynn