So about three or four months ago i accepted christ, I do not not know the exact time or day only that it was sometime in the summer. At first i could not pray so i wrote to god instead. This became an addiction to me, I constently had the urge to write to god. Because of my bran damage from my abusive parents and cancer i am unable to work, have a life, or drive really i cant go anywhere at all. But i saw this as a blessing because i was able to spend all day everyday with god,so many times during the first month or two i freaked out when i could not feel god, and i became obssesed with reading the bible for the first month. I made a promise to god the first day or two i became a christian I would not be a lukewarm christian and how i wanted to have a very deep very loving relationship with him.Not an average one that so many christians these days settle for. No i wanted one that would be seemingly impossible to have even to other christians. I had and still have this over powering desire to serve him, save his children and love and trust him above all else. I want to give him my all, everybit i have in me, These words may seem like that of a new christian all fired up for god and saying things like this but as you mature... well you know. But this would be very true had these been my words alone but I made these promises with my heart and out of love for god. Now i dont know how or when but sometime during my walk with christ my heart and his heart connected, I obtained his desires for me and they became my desires, somehow his thoughts are becoming more and more my thoughts. I want to love like he loves, see like he sees,serve like he serves. I want to be a mirror image of jesus christ. I have many goals that i am constently striving for, these goals and desires are not of this world they are the promises my heart made to god. But my main and most important treasure, what my heart desires more than even heaven its self if god. My heart always cries out for more of him, my love for him is not a feeling, even my body cries out to be in him. To be one with him is the greatest treasure in heaven there is and i want nothing more. some people have told me how rare it is for someone who is so new to christ to be as close to him as i am, they say how it is a miracle how much i know him when i have had no one to metor me in my faith and how i am so close to acheiving my dreams and desires for him and how god must be planning something huge for me. But honestly i dont see what they see, I do not feel near close enough to god or me desires for him. I can see the person god and i so deeply desire for me to be, and the faith we both want me to have, I can see the treasures and hopes i want for him but they are always out of reach. It's like in my mind i can see my hand reaching for them but it's just to far away. But i always continue to head for them because these are to valuable to even think of giving up. It's not work or hard to be able to do all i promised or to be all i want to be. Many christians would look at that and say i can't do that it's too hard, and then they make the excuses like it's impossible or maybe it's not god's will. But i beleive it's gods will for everyone and to me it's not hard or impossible but a true honor too even begin to think god has entrusted me to do all these promises and to be all I want to be. Do you know my motto for being a christian? If it is impossible to do even with god then i think thats even more the reason to trust in god and go for it. I once heard a pat of a song that speaks to me, Saying if the world says you can't, it(faith) will tell you that you can.