Need Answers... Please.

[Lagacie]

So I met my boyfriend in church, and we were friends for 3 years before even THINKING about dating. He wanted to be a pastor and I, a youth minister, for our home church. The day before he started college his mother took his car, kicked him out, and he had no way of getting to college so was forced to drop.
After that, things got really hard for him. For us. We have been together for 3 years now, and we both live together because of both of us getting kicked out by our parents. (My mom was a sever drug addict and she was also bi-polar which made her go crazy on me every day for things like forgetting to check the mail or parking too close to the house). Anyways, we had a horrible relationship at the beginning, and I completely strayed from God.
I went from going to every service to not going in almost 2 years. Last Sunday, however, God tugged at my heart to go to church and I did. It sparked something in me that I haven't felt in a long time. I decided to start going back, but I live with my boyfriend still. We are engaged, but I feel like I am being a hypocrite trying to start this path again. I'm afraid that God won't be pleased and neither will my church. I want to be in the drama and the choir and sing on some sundays and become a Sunday School Teacher, but I don't think my church will let me. Do you think they should? Am I a bad example? Is God looking down on me? I just feel like if I can't be a part of the church, why should I even go?

 

[PinkFlowers]

All that I know is that the Bible does not permit cohabitation. When you are in a position of leadership, I think it is greatly important to consider how you will be a good example to the people you will be leading. As you may know, living with your boyfriend before you are married may give off the impression to others that you are also in sexual sin. Is your boyfriend still strong in his relationship with God? Perhaps you two might consider not living together until you are married? Don't lose hope. God loves you.

 

[faroukfarouk]

All that I know is that the Bible does not permit cohabitation. When you are in a position of leadership, I think it is greatly important to consider how you will be a good example to the people you will be leading. As you may know, living with your boyfriend before you are married may give off the impression to others that you are also in sexual sin. Is your boyfriend still strong in his relationship with God? Perhaps you two might consider not living together until you are married? Don't lose hope. God loves you.

Sensible thoughts.

A couple, if they marry can expect a lifetime living together anyway.

Blessings.

 

[JakeM]

the fact that you have gone back to god is great! God doesnt look down on you for this. God of course says its a sin to live with your spouse if your not married. And the church may look down on you for this. But i went through a similar scenario i found god but was already living with my girlfriend. my heart weighed heavy and i new i was doing wrong for living with her. But everything takes time! i suggest talking with your boyfriend about it. Has he also strayed away from gods path? If he was wanted to be a preacher once im sure he will understand if you shouldnt live together. unfortunately my girlfriend and i went separate ways so now i dont have that weight on my shoulders of living in sin. but unfortunately its not always that easy.

You say both your parents have kicked you out? it says in the bible to honor your parents. i to have been kicked out many times but i always somehow found a way to make amends. Maybe try to do this make amends with them. At least try to talk to them if it doesnt work so be it, at least you tried. if all else fails try sleeping in separate rooms.

I would suggest talking to a high member of the church about this as well. If they reject to then thats on them and i would suggest finding a different church. feel free to private message me if you have any other questions.

 

[jamie26301]

I'm aware of verses that can be used to justify condemning pre-martial sex, but what are the ones for cohabitation? And just talking to her mom about making amends is not so simple, when you're dealing with someone who is mentally ill and unstable - what would need to happen is her mom get proper treatment. I mean what's better: living with someone who's unstable and controlling, or living with someone she loves who she can have spiritual fellowship with and prayer and bible study?

It's not so simple as "don't live together before until you're married." It takes time to find someplace to live, and money, and securing a proper location at that (proper in terms of having access to grocery stores, the school, the job, etc). That's what I hate about people - especially young people who are living "in sin" - coming on here looking for support and Christians can only think about the legalistic rules that have been set up or the way they think the person should live because of THEIR intrepetation of the Bible, instead of seeking what would be a healthy, sensible solution.

David gave the bread that was only for the priest to his companions, did he not? Was he not breaking God's law? Yes he was! But in doing so, he accomplished what was the best for his people and what was a sensible solution. He "sinned" in favor of doing the greater good - which was not letting his companions starve. Jesus even references this story.

 

[MrsRobinson]

I don't believe the Bible uses the term cohabitation but one verse that is often ignored is 1 Thessalonians 5:22 "Abstain from all appearances of evil". And if sex outside of marriage is not within God's will, then living with a man who is not your husband would definitely appear to be something other than righteous.
Here are is another verse that might help in making some decisions or help you to understand the heart of God with regards to your situation:
1 Corinthians 6:18 "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body."
Just because the Bible doesn't use a specific word does not mean that there is nothing written about it... often we need to use systematic theology to see God's heart and truths as they are weaved through scripture.
I'm not assuming what you are or are not doing, but honestly, I don't know many people who live together who are not sexually intimate--it is a huge temptation to most couples, especially men (so I hear).
I understand that your circumstances are probably very difficult right and I don't say this lightly, but there is always a way to do what is right--it may not be easy or comfortable, but I promise you, regardless of your circumstance, there is a way to live in such a way to honour God and avoid even the appearance of evil:
1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
Proverbs 3:6 "in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

I often hear people spending a lot of time and effort explaining why they are stuck in their situation and why the have to live with their boyfriend/girlfriend, but when it comes down to it, that's not the case.
Search the scripture and your heart/motives. Sometimes it's those hard decisions and sacrifices that are the most precious gifts you can give to your Saviour (His sacrifice for you and me was far from easy or ideal).

In no way do I intend this message to come across as preachy, self-righteous, or anything like that. I honestly just want to speak truth and hopefully some wisdom into your situation. Take care

 

[faroukfarouk]

I don't believe the Bible uses the term cohabitation but one verse that is often ignored is 1 Thessalonians 5:22 "Abstain from all appearances of evil". And if sex outside of marriage is not within God's will, then living with a man who is not your husband would definitely appear to be something other than righteous.
Here are is another verse that might help in making some decisions or help you to understand the heart of God with regards to your situation:
1 Corinthians 6:18 "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body."
Just because the Bible doesn't use a specific word does not mean that there is nothing written about it... often we need to use systematic theology to see God's heart and truths as they are weaved through scripture.
I'm not assuming what you are or are not doing, but honestly, I don't know many people who live together who are not sexually intimate--it is a huge temptation to most couples, especially men (so I hear).
I understand that your circumstances are probably very difficult right and I don't say this lightly, but there is always a way to do what is right--it may not be easy or comfortable, but I promise you, regardless of your circumstance, there is a way to live in such a way to honour God and avoid even the appearance of evil:
1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
Proverbs 3:6 "in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

I often hear people spending a lot of time and effort explaining why they are stuck in their situation and why the have to live with their boyfriend/girlfriend, but when it comes down to it, that's not the case.
Search the scripture and your heart/motives. Sometimes it's those hard decisions and sacrifices that are the most precious gifts you can give to your Saviour (His sacrifice for you and me was far from easy or ideal).

In no way do I intend this message to come across as preachy, self-righteous, or anything like that. I honestly just want to speak truth and hopefully some wisdom into your situation. Take care

Yes, a sensible post. If we want the Lord to bless and guide us, then we need to let the Scriptures be our guide.

Blessings.

 

[paulsfam4]

god loves you! and set your priorities with gods! get in to your own place obtains from sexual relationship and you still can go to church while you do this then you and your boyfriend build your relationship with God first. God will lead you to place you need to be..

 

[oldernotwiser]

are you a bad example and is god looking down on you? well dear, and im old enough to call you dear, you are simply a young woman who came out of a rough situation and made what we might call bad choices. i hesitate to even use that term since i dont know what options you saw when you made those choices. you are now facing more decisions and with gods grace you may be able to see other options. it would appear that you and your boyfriend have a lot to talk about just as a beginning. then the decisions will be between you and god, but hopefully the church will be there to support you in your decisions. im praying for you.

 

[TheAristocat]

So I met my boyfriend in church, and we were friends for 3 years before even THINKING about dating. He wanted to be a pastor and I, a youth minister, for our home church. The day before he started college his mother took his car, kicked him out, and he had no way of getting to college so was forced to drop.
After that, things got really hard for him. For us. We have been together for 3 years now, and we both live together because of both of us getting kicked out by our parents. (My mom was a sever drug addict and she was also bi-polar which made her go crazy on me every day for things like forgetting to check the mail or parking too close to the house). Anyways, we had a horrible relationship at the beginning, and I completely strayed from God.
I went from going to every service to not going in almost 2 years. Last Sunday, however, God tugged at my heart to go to church and I did. It sparked something in me that I haven't felt in a long time. I decided to start going back, but I live with my boyfriend still. We are engaged, but I feel like I am being a hypocrite trying to start this path again. I'm afraid that God won't be pleased and neither will my church. I want to be in the drama and the choir and sing on some sundays and become a Sunday School Teacher, but I don't think my church will let me. Do you think they should? Am I a bad example? Is God looking down on me? I just feel like if I can't be a part of the church, why should I even go?

I think you know your situation best. What I understand from reading the Bible is that those in positions of leadership in the Church should be nigh blameless in so far as their current lives are concerned. Anything else can give opportunity for the Enemy to slip in and tell not only unbelievers but you as well, "The Church is no different! Nothing changes! God is just a lie. And they're all just hypocrites."

Titus 1:5-9 For this reason I left you in Crete, that you would set in order what remains and appoint elders in every city as I directed you, namely, if any man is above reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion. For the overseer must be above reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict

Representing God can be serious business. The more of a leader you are in the Church the more blameless you should be. That's not to say that a person who struggles with sin can't reach out to those in similar situations and preach the Gospel. But anyone who stands up to a pulpit and is representative of Christianity had better have some qualifications.

 

[Desdichado]

I'll probably get shellacked for this, but if you have been with the same guy for 3 years and are living with him, just let a minister somewhere perform a small ceremony with a witness. Get your paperwork signed. Go and sin no more.

 

[oldernotwiser]

would abstaining from all appearances of evil mean that you would advise someone to quit a million dollar a year job in the "financial sector?" or does immorality only begin when we remove our undergarments?

 

[MrsRobinson]

Taking into consideration context and translation from the Greek text, I would take the word "all" to mean... all.

Abstain (Greek: apechomai) to hold oneself off, refrain, abstain
All (Greek: pas) any, every
Appearance (Greek: eidos) fashion, shape, sight
Evil (Greek: poneros) Degeneracy from original virtue, viciousness, mischief, malice, bad, grievous, harm, wicked

I don't believe the question was, "is live hard", rather it was, "am I a bad example" and "do you think they [the church] should [allow her to serve in the forms of music/drama/teacher]". We must be careful to of course show love and compassion, but not at the expense of the truth. And, I believe the truth in this passage can be applied to all Christians whether they be in a million dollar a year job in the "financial sector" or dealing with difficult familial situations.

 

[jamie26301]

Taking into consideration context and translation from the Greek text, I would take the word "all" to mean... all.

Abstain (Greek: apechomai) to hold oneself off, refrain, abstain
All (Greek: pas) any, every
Appearance (Greek: eidos) fashion, shape, sight
Evil (Greek: poneros) Degeneracy from original virtue, viciousness, mischief, malice, bad, grievous, harm, wicked

I don't believe the question was, "is live hard", rather it was, "am I a bad example" and "do you think they [the church] should [allow her to serve in the forms of music/drama/teacher]". We must be careful to of course show love and compassion, but not at the expense of the truth. And, I believe the truth in this passage can be applied to all Christians whether they be in a million dollar a year job in the "financial sector" or dealing with difficult familial situations.

For some Christians, such as Messianic Jews, the appearance of evil is to eat pork. By this logic, we should never eat bacon in public, to avoid the appearance of evil in the case that a Messianic Jew is present. Paul DID say that he would refrain from eating meat to not offend/make stumble a brother.

Also, some translations say FORM of evil rather than appearance. That completely changes the meaning. It would depend on the Greek, but surely some scholars would debate which the shade of meaning was implied.

 

[CHRISTENE]

So I met my boyfriend in church, and we were friends for 3 years before even THINKING about dating. He wanted to be a pastor and I, a youth minister, for our home church. The day before he started college his mother took his car, kicked him out, and he had no way of getting to college so was forced to drop. After that, things got really hard for him. For us. We have been together for 3 years now, and we both live together because of both of us getting kicked out by our parents. (My mom was a sever drug addict and she was also bi-polar which made her go crazy on me every day for things like forgetting to check the mail or parking too close to the house). Anyways, we had a horrible relationship at the beginning, and I completely strayed from God. I went from going to every service to not going in almost 2 years. Last Sunday, however, God tugged at my heart to go to church and I did. It sparked something in me that I haven't felt in a long time. I decided to start going back, but I live with my boyfriend still. We are engaged, but I feel like I am being a hypocrite trying to start this path again. I'm afraid that God won't be pleased and neither will my church. I want to be in the drama and the choir and sing on some sundays and become a Sunday School Teacher, but I don't think my church will let me. Do you think they should? Am I a bad example? Is God looking down on me? I just feel like if I can't be a part of the church, why should I even go?

Seems like you both love God, good. God loves you because He created you, He is there watching you and all your problems. I would suggest its best to rely on God's Word in every difficult situation . Proverbs 4:13 Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.You are blessed by God to receive instructions from Him through these wonderful people of God. You will be blessed if you obey them. It would be good if you spend some time in prayer and meditation of the word of God, this will help you grow stronger in your relationship with God. God knows your desire to serve Him , you can pray to God to build you up for His service, He can use you wherever He pleases. May God help you to do what is right in His eyes. I will pray for you.Hope God helps you both in this difficult time.

 

[hattiebod]

God Bless you both, may he work a good work on you and in you.
it is so sad when youth ministers 'go SOOoooo wrong'....and that is just the way it has gone...wrong. But can we get it right? course we can, 'in Him'. all can be made right!! Are we forgiven, yes`!! totally. But do not blame his mother, you were a youth minister? was there not some expectation of maturity there and an understanding of the Word. As for the family breakdown.....it is not in the throwing out... it goes back way longer, way back....diss respect...there is a lot more going on here....and you need to explore, accept and understand this if you are ever to be useful to others becuause if you do not, you will not be all God wants you to be.
As for your church, be humble.. You might want a lot of things but you might grow more from not getting them.
Think on this. Bless you. <><

 

[Lagacie]

With that being said... Would us getting married suddenly make everything right? Do you think my church would accept us as a married couple, and leave our past sins at the door? Me wanting to be a youth pastor, could they leave their children in my presence?
We have people at my church who got married at 18, who have had children out of wedlock, and all kinds of stuff while going to that church, and my church has always been quick to forgive.
Like one guy at my church who drove the van was caught drinking and driving so he couldnt drive but could ride, and they prayed for him, and now three years later hes driving the bus again.
But is my situation more serious?
All sin is equal, right?

 

[faroukfarouk]

With that being said... Would us getting married suddenly make everything right? Do you think my church would accept us as a married couple, and leave our past sins at the door? Me wanting to be a youth pastor, could they leave their children in my presence?
We have people at my church who got married at 18, who have had children out of wedlock, and all kinds of stuff while going to that church, and my church has always been quick to forgive.
Like one guy at my church who drove the van was caught drinking and driving so he couldnt drive but could ride, and they prayed for him, and now three years later hes driving the bus again.
But is my situation more serious?
All sin is equal, right?

Stopping something because tactically you think you might get something supposedly advantageous out of it, and stopping something because of repentance in the sense - for example - that Romans 2 teaches it, are rather different, aren't they?

 

[williamsalonzo3]

When we sin or make a mistake, we let our guilt consume us to the point where we avoid God altogether. It’s almost as if we are afraid to run back to the One who will ALWAYS forgive and love us unconditionally. Don’t allow your sins to have power over you. When something happens, call out to God. He wants us to immediately run back into His arms. We are His children. Guilt and shame are a lie from the enemy. Jesus came to give us freedom, so lets live in that freedom and always stay close to our Savior’s side. God bless you. There is nothing you cant do without God. Returning to church was the best thing you can do. I hope you and your FIANCE are happy together.. I do encourage you both to still attend college while doing the work of God. Understand that as children of God we are all put through test and trials and its the storm that we go through that makes us better in God. And you have to pray and know that when God brings you out of this darkness that you will be new and refreshed and the blessings that God has in store for you are far better than what you are feeling right now. Go to the church and minister to the people like God would have you do. As long as you have God's love and support anything is possible.