Needing advice for the future

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
I

IsiahAndIsaiah

Guest
#1
#1
Ok, so unfortunately like many other black teens, I have daddy issues. What's sad is that I have 2 dads. A stepdad and a biological dad. My real dad is a fake Christian. He's all about church and then when you hear how he speaks to my mom or his ex girlfriend its like what happened? He's manipulative of the word. He'll hear something and ignore it until he could use it to condemn us. I hate it honestly.

And on the other hand, my step dad is a drug aaddict with a great job. He gets paid thousands of dollars in one single day (he pours concrete). But its sad how much money really makes it home... a 4,000$ job will come home as 200$. The rent is 250. My mom doesn't make 4000$ in a month!!

So here's the question, since I have no father figure, how would I know if I'm raising my children right? I can avoid drugs and I can be 100% real with the word of God, but I don't know how to raise a child with love, nor be the head of a family. I know it might be a long time since I'm only 15, but I need to work on it now so that 10 years or so from now I can be a great father and husband.


*~IsiahAndIsaiah~*
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#2
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#2
Wow, you're thinking ahead and such an important issue! I'm impressed.

Our heavenly Father makes the best dad :). That's not to say that you can, and should, be aware of the good qualities of your step-dad and biological dad. One thing you can do (and I think you probably are) is to observe and note what they are doing wrong...we can learn from others mistakes.

Also, go to church. You'll probably find some mature Christian males that would make great role models. You can also read parenting books...Focus on the Family has good resources for parents.

But the MAIN thing you can do right now to prepare for fatherhood is to grow and learn in Christ. Learn how to be good person...how to handle anger, jealousy, how to have patience and calmness, etc. Then you'll not only be a great dad, you'll be a great person :).
 
C

choosingmylife

Guest
#3
#3
Wow. I've been thinking about how to be a good mother too, but then I think that I shouldn't worry about it because nobody else my age is worrying about it. Wow. Um, I suggest babysitting, volunteering at a Boys&Girls club. It's taught me so much to be around little kids. It teaches me more, in some ways, than reading in a book. Even though I do read some books.

I've also researched online where I've read some really good advice from real parents about getting kids to listen to you and honestly anything. I'm impressed, I thought I was the only one thinking about this stuff. :)
 
X

xXTamXx

Guest
#4
#4
All I can say is that you are a real role model to me- which might sound weird. You're basically facing up to the problem like a man who is being led by christ and all I can say is that if you continue the way you seem to be doing so, you won't have many problems.
I'm 15 and a black teenage girl who on the flipside has had 2 great parents but Idk how I'm meant to be a mother when I'm so selfish and stubborn and all. So. I can't really help but to say keep going in the Lord. He will guide you. Follow christ's loving example and most of all find an understanding, God fearing woman.
If you want to continue this discussion, I do think it would be useful to messgae me so we can pray for eachother and even an bible study buddy/accountabiluty partner could be helpful considering we are similar age n all
Keep praying and keep strong :D
 
M

Mammachickadee

Guest
#5
#5
IsiahAndIsaiah said:
Ok, so unfortunately like many other black teens, I have daddy issues. What's sad is that I have 2 dads. A stepdad and a biological dad. My real dad is a fake Christian. He's all about church and then when you hear how he speaks to my mom or his ex girlfriend its like what happened? He's manipulative of the word. He'll hear something and ignore it until he could use it to condemn us. I hate it honestly.

And on the other hand, my step dad is a drug aaddict with a great job. He gets paid thousands of dollars in one single day (he pours concrete). But its sad how much money really makes it home... a 4,000$ job will come home as 200$. The rent is 250. My mom doesn't make 4000$ in a month!!

So here's the question, since I have no father figure, how would I know if I'm raising my children right? I can avoid drugs and I can be 100% real with the word of God, but I don't know how to raise a child with love, nor be the head of a family. I know it might be a long time since I'm only 15, but I need to work on it now so that 10 years or so from now I can be a great father and husband.


*~IsiahAndIsaiah~*
Click to expand...
It is a very good question, even at 15. My husband had the same fears and wonders at 15 when he found himself playing daddy to his girlfriend's child. Right now your only examples at home of fathers are negligent, possibly abusive, and hypocritical. One way to analyze how to be as a father would be to ask yourself a few questions.
1. What do I see wrong in my father's behavior? If you think it's wrong, chances are it is. If it goes against what you know about God as a father, and about the Bible, it's wrong. God knows when a little sparrow falls to the ground; you know He would never leave you or forsake you.
2. What would you hope to see in your father? Obviously honest, loyalty, freedom from drugs and other idols, and love for family are just starting points. Christ gave his all on the cross to see that every believer from every century would never have to wonder if he was going to make the cut. God loves us in spite of ourselves because Christ paid it all. Love unconditionally; be just; recognize you are wrong and never be too proud to admit it; be open about your faults; provide for your family; and give your all for those you love.
Lead by example and keep your eye on God's example.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.