Umm...Look, private message me, I knew someone who went through this same stuff, they were very close to me, and I have some experience with it, just remember, Jesus gave his life for us, for you, shouldn't you see you're life is a precious, unique thing? People have gone through what you're going through, many made the wrong decision and threw away God's gift of life, but you don't have to, just talk to Christ, tell him what you feel, tell him why you're like this, in telling him in your prayers, you can find relief, and find God working in your life to help you, you may even realize just how you can make it through this. Message me. God Bless you, and Jesus loves you.