Overcoming failed relationship

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mnw369

Guest
#1
#1
It's been about a month and a half and I can't seem to quit feeling down on myself. I dated my ex for 5 years and was suddenly dumped. A week later my best childhood friend passed away. I had been lazy in the spiritual side of my life and used this as a time to get back to praying and going to church. I had been doing so much better spiritually and emotionally. Then a week ago my ex sent me a text apologizing for the way he treated me after the breakup and now he understands how his actions made me feel. He had a "rebound" girl soon after and that is what made him realize how I felt. She has cut him off and he is still obsessing over her. He likes everything she puts on facebook and instagram. He will even go find old pictures from years ago to like. All of this is hurting me, because I feel like he should be more upset over the person he dated for five years rather than the one month rebound. When he sent the apology message it was very sincere and we had a long conversation afterwards. He told me about how he had contemplated suicide after he failed school. He is at the lowest point in his life and can't seem to find happiness. I told him about my experience and how good it felt to reconnect with God during my tough times. He wants to focus on himself and become a better person but, just like I can't let go of him, he can't let go of her. After we had that long heart-to-heart, he's disappeared out of my life again. So now I'm very depressed and I keep turning to God for help. I know I have to trust that He has a great plan for me, but at the moment I keep findng myself questioning that path. I feelt so let down by myself when I break down and get emotional. My prayers have been cries for help and I can't see myself coming out of this depression. How can I learn to put all of my trust in God?
 
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Sponge_Bob

Guest
#2
#2
What you need to do is focus on building yourself back up and then find someone who appreciates what you have to offer. Simple as that. You can do it. Don't waste your time with people who cannot appreciate your value and worth. It's like pouring yourself into a cup that has a hole in the bottom of it.
 
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mnw369

Guest
#3
#3
Thank you. I am trying very hard to do that. I was with him for so long that I've forgotten how to be alone. I will work on myself and focus on becoming a better person in all aspects of my life.
 
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Nuns_n_roses

Guest
#4
#4
Im sorry to hear of these two major recent tragedies in your life! It will take time but remember you are strong!

It isnt a failed relationship if you learn from it. You arent a failure. Youre becoming empowered! He doesnt see what somebody else will in you.

Counselling may be wise to help overcome the grief of your friend and ex.

God bless~ :)
 
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Arlene89

Guest
#5
#5
Ah, I'm sorry mnw369. It must be hard to have to face that after five solid years of loving that person and then losing a good friend. I can't imagine the grief you're going through now. On another note, I'm so, so glad you're going after God in this hard time. I've always found that the best thing to do during the hardest of times is to surrender. Surrender your ex, your pain, your grief over to the Lord.

When I am down, I take my complaints to God. I tell Him how it is, I am honest, I get messy, I lift my grief until my complaints become words of praise. David became messy before the Lord in his psalms, he just opened his heart and let God know 'Hey, I am hurting and feel like everything has been taken away from me.' I think people need to do that more. Just be honest, but never stay of the place of simply 'complaining'. When I'm hit with disappointment and pain from left field, I tend to sing worship songs outrageously loud or dance in my bedroom for the Lord. I find that an abundance of healing comes when I completely abandon myself and praise Him.

This may not be the Prayer forum, but here's a simple prayer anyways...
Heavenly Father, I raise up this young woman to you, that you will fill her with a supernatural peace during this painful period of her life. Please Lord, lift up her grief and sufferings from her heart and fill it with renewed hope and joy, just pour out an abundance of joy over her until it is overflowing. Draw her close to You, Lord, heal her aching heart and press your love into her. I pray that she has a new revelation on her worth identity in you, Lord, that you will open her eyes to the love and purposes you have for her. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Also, I have done this countless times before, but try not to compare and contrast yourself to this new girl in his life. Stop tracking his reactions to her. It kind of sounds like you haven't received the closure you are looking for, but don't try to find those reasons in this other girl. I'm only guessing this, I could be completely wrong, maybe this is just something I have gone through. But if in any case you can relate to this, then if I can so boldly suggest, don't go there. It is very destructive and just hinders the healing process. Don't look at you ex's actions to define you and your self-worth... let God do that. And quite frankly, He has so many wonderful things to say about You in His word.

Hope I have kind of helped!
- Arlene
 
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Raine

Guest
#6
#6
In addition to what everyone else has already said... Also make sure to surround yourself with loving people who will build you up and support you spiritually. Find a loving family member or friend to confide in, Christian if possible. And what I did after my 5 year break up was keep myself busy, get more involved with the church, and this helped me to focus more on God than my ex. I'm sorry you have to go thru this hardship. Always remember how much God loves and adores you. :). I'm here too if you ever need to vent just PM me!
 
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mlssufan01

Member
#7
Feb 9, 2014
168
35
28
#7
It took me a while to get over my ex. Basically I felt like it was a missionary dater. Dated me for one week when I was not a Christian, dumped me (I had no idea she was a Christian), and then I became a Christian, and she accused me of using it as manipulation because I was asking a lot of questions, asking about things that didn't make sense, therefore I was a manipulator. Through God's grace only am I still a Christian, very long story, but the credit is entirely to Him. Anyways, that pain didn't go away overnight, and truth be told, I don't think it entirely ever goes away, BUT what God DOES do is redeem that experience into something He can use for His glory, but I definitely don't have shame or guilt like I did when it happened originally.
 
Nataly5

Nataly5

Junior Member
#9
Apr 15, 2014
10
1
3
#9
Breaking up is scary and it hurts; when we leave a relationship, we lose a great number of the reference points we have identified ourselves with for years. If we decide to emancipate emotionally, the people, objects and ideas that supposedly define us and served as our support structure, will no longer be important for us. This can be termed a “useful suffering” that will allow us to really come face to face with who we are, with no shields to hide us.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#10
#10
Nataly5 said:
Breaking up is scary and it hurts; when we leave a relationship, we lose a great number of the reference points we have identified ourselves with for years. If we decide to emancipate emotionally, the people, objects and ideas that supposedly define us and served as our support structure, will no longer be important for us. This can be termed a “useful suffering” that will allow us to really come face to face with who we are, with no shields to hide us.
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This thread was posted in Feb, and the OP hasn't returned since Feb.
 
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