C
My wife and I have been married for 17yrs and there have been a great deal of conflict in hurt through most of it. I am really confused about my wife's perspective on her past behavior.I personally feel like they have never been resolved just swept under the rug. Three years into our marriage she ran off with a guy she had a crush on went to Six Flags and stayed the night in the same hotel with him. She claims that nothing happened because her sister and brother in law were there. A few years later while I was recovering from my vasectomy surgery she went out to a party at a friends house. The next day I found pictures of her another guy drinking together with his arm around her on her camera. Then a couple of years later she was suppose to go over to this guy's house to help her friend clean up after his moving sale. She refused to allow me to go with her and started a fight over the issue and went without me. Afterwards I found out that he was very interested in her and she was very attracted to him and she told me that she was no longer attracted to me. Yet to this day I am not at all suppose to question what might have happened in those incidences. After all this about a year later I marriage was still in a pretty dark place and one night I got drunk and went to a stripclub. A few yeas after that on our anniversary I went out with a buddy to a bar and got drunk and shot pool. To this day she claims that I probably cheated on her at those times because she does not know what happened but at the same time expects me to believe that she never cheated on me even though I was never there to see what happened. I get consistantly treated as if I cannot be trusted and that I have cheated but just have not been caught. I am always being accused of being unfaithful and that going to the strip club was just far worse than anything she ever did. I am constantly being threatened if I am ever unfaithful. She does not trust me to go around the block by myself without suspecting I am up to no good. Basically she treats me like if I am not with her I am probably cheating. If I try to bring up the things she has done to point out that I have just as much right to question her fidelity she becomes furious and basically shuts me down. She also says I do not deserve as much trust because I am a man. None of my feelings about her past behavior have been resolved I am just expected to let it go but its perfectly ok for her to hold my past against me. Can someone give some advice on how to deal with this?