Thank you all for your prayers and advices.
I don't know why I always had a hard time accepting human nature. I see young people praying one second and clubbing the other. I can't seem to relate to anyone.I know that I'm not perfect but everytime that I make a mistake I feel so stupid so hurt and I'm so angry with myself. I try talking with people but it seems so pointless. I'm so angry against everyone but so sad in the same time. I can feel compassion and be degusted the other second just by sitting in the cafeteria. i feel like there's 3 me in one body, the rational, the God's believer and the me that is tormented by the ennemie's way of thinking.
Sometimes the burden in me is so heavy that I feel it on my shoulders, in my heart. Sometimes I just feel like my body is going to abandon me.
As soon as I start talking about my problems face to face with someone I automatically start smiliing and saying pointless things because I've been doing that all my life.
I don't know how to be more clear but I just feel like I'm going completely crazy. I'm just losing eveything. And somehow I'm still laughing and smiling. I'm always trying to help other people, like my life is not valuable enough for others to care.
Hannah, I used to call it beating myself up from the inside out.
But the bruses, no one could see.
I was about your age when I went through this.
I did get help, a councelor to talk to, and Jesus found a good one for me.
I also kept talking to Jesus.
Scripture says Jesus is close to the broken hearted, believe me this is true, for He was so close to me during that tme, I was just to broken to see clearly.
Do not let these feelings keep you from discovering the healing love Jesus has for you, because He trully does hold you in His hand.
Find someone to talk to, a church, a councelor.
You are in my prayers for all that is the joy and delight of Jesus's healing and perfect love.
Hugs and God bless
pickles