Please pray for my mom and me

[haleyg1103]

Just a bit of a warning, this is probably going to be long.

My mom and I used to be close when I was little, but when my dad retired from the army and we moved to their home town our relationship started to crumble. I finally got to spend time with my dad which I didn't get to do much of while he was in the army. It turned out that I was a lot like him and so we got even closer but at the same time I got father a way from my mom. She started to heavily criticize me and say some really hurtful things. Things like she knows that I wish she was dead and stuff like that. I don't feel that way by the way and have NEVER said anything like that to her. She would also compare how my dad treats me and how he treated my older brother. It was really unfair and made me feel bad. See my older brother is my half brother and my dad is not his biological dad. I'm not really suppose to know this because he is afraid that I wouldn't love him or would treat him different. So he doesn't know that I know. The only reason I know is because my mom told me. Anyway my dad and my brother have a bad relationship as well and I think its from misunderstandings, mistakes made, and outside people trying to cause problems. So please pray for them too. I guess my mom didn't really like the fact that my relationship with my dad was getting better but whatever the reason was I am no longer able to talk to my mom about things that matter to me because I've been hurt by her over and over. Also have a hard time respecting her too because of this. Several times I've just gave up trying to have a relationship with her. At one point it time she had me feeling so bad about myself and that our problems with each other were my fault that I started thinking everything would be better if I wasn't around or even born. I've gotten over those thoughts with prayer and talking about my feelings with my dad. I've tried to talk to her about us and every time its ended with her not listening and twisting my words the wrong way she ends up mad and I end up mad, hurt, and crying. My mom has a bad relationship with her mom and her mom has a bad one with her mom. I'm leaving for college in the fall and I'm worried about my sister. I'm afraid that the same things will happen to her because she is a lot like me in some ways so much so that people even call her my mini me. She and my dad get along well with each other too. I'm also afraid that in the future if I have any kid and if I have a girl that our relationship is bound to be bad. We really need some prayer and if anyone has any advice I could really use it! I know I need to respect her because God wants me to but I just don't know how anymore. Also I still love her and I know she loves me we just can't get along very well.

 

[mamasan]

Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
To me, this verse is saying that it is not always possible to live peaceably with all people. In the case of your Mother, find out how long (minutes, hours, days, weeks, months) you can be around her and have a peaceful time, then get out. Leave the conversation, go somewhere, do some errands, get away from her. It takes two to continue to argue or disagree. I had this situation with my brother. I could be around him for a half hour before he (or we) started to get at each other. I would take my leave at about 25 minutes, and we had a peaceful relationship. I didn't hang around for the drama I knew was coming.
I still respected him, but did not fight and argue with him.

 

[haleyg1103]

Thank you for your advice. I'll try it and hopefully it will help. =)

 

[jogoldie]

Hi haley......im a mom with two daughters.....when our children turn into people....its a panic moment
for us.....you dont need us....you are going to get a life and we dont see where we fit in anymore.....we
have defined who we are through our children...its like losing your identity....it forces us to face ourselves....
not always liking what we see....she fights with you to avoid dealing with the truth...that change is scary...
But this does not last forever...you see...your first visit home from school...it will be different...pray for them all...
God will protect them....they will have a common bond.....and thats missing you....have some patience till
mom finds herself....and know it is in Gods hands....all will be well.....
My family is a mix of differnt blends of families...we all love each other because we live and learn together...
thats a family....blood doesn't always matter....its love....
I will pray for you and your special family and hope peace reigns soon......
Look past the hurtful words to the real meaning of her anger. ..and never let anyone tell you that you are less than
who you are....I make no excuses for the treatment you receive there is no excuse.....but there might be a reason.....
Always remember you are the daughter of the most High God....He made you exactly how you are suppose to be...
Beautiful in His eyes....claim your inheritance and stand strong little sister...
Peace and joy......jo

 

[Angela53510]

Praying for your difficult situation!

 

[Lucy68]

Coming from a family that is not Christian nor very loving towards one another, I'm so sorry for the hardships you're enduring with your mom. Yes, we are to honor our parents and always show them respect, even when we don't like being around them. And especially, we are to pray for them. We can also witness to them by our own actions...which includes not reacting to their ill behavior. How to do this? Our family is our 'identity group'...where we grow our self image....many times how we think they see us is how we see ourselves. Which can cause us to be very unhappy about ourselves and feel like there's something wrong with us.

Well, there's something wrong with every single person and that is the result of the The Fall. For me, the solution is to make my Christian family my real family (but not deny my earthly family). Isn't this similar to what Jesus did when His family thought He was crazy and were trying to get Him to go home and behave? When He was told that His mother and brothers were waiting for Him outside He looked around and said 'these are my brothers and mother...those who do God's will.' (Mark 3:31-35) Our Christian family becomes our identity group . So it's important to be surrounded by Christian brothers and sisters and to attend church regularly to hear God's Word preached and taught and build healthy relationships....especially as a young adult.

I pray that your mom finds peace and gets on the right path and that she'll see what you have and want it too. But she may reject it. Just remember that everyone has free choice. We can try to influence family members into choosing Christ, but they may not; and they may try to make us feel guilty and miserable because misery loves company.

Praying for you...strength and guidance from the Holy Spirit. Remember to always love, no matter how you're treated by your family...that may be a Christian's greatest challenge.

 

[Marian29]

God be with you and your family! Trust in God's power of reconstruction!

God bless you! =) S2

 

[Marian29]

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Ezequiel 36:26

 

[Marian29]

Let God operates in you, your life and family, believe!