Re: poll for the women - truth about "boy friends" vs. "boyfriends"
For me, it comes down to a few things. I definitely have to develop a friendship with a guy first. I want to know a guy well before I even consider dating him. I need to know that we have things in common, that we'll get along. I'm shy, so I struggle even being friends with someone. If I were to just start dating a guy, I'd struggle to find things to talk about, and probably come across as maybe a bit stand off-ish. If we don't have anything in common, it's not going to go far.
Secondly, there has to be some sort of attraction there. That mostly comes from having things in common with a guy, getting to know who they are. Looks do count, but they're not the most important. A guy who obviously takes care of himself, even the basics such as showering and brushing teeth, is important to me. But I'm not hugely picky about looks. Everyone has things that they're attracted to, and things that they're not.
Gifts are nice, and appreciated, but not that important. Gifts are an indication that a guy is interested, but I'd rather a guy not shower me with gifts hoping to date me. I feel like he'd be trying to buy my affection, and that doesn't work. Gifts, while I enjoy receiving them, are not my love language. And, a guy giving me gifts would make me feel obligated, not to mention uncomfortable, even if I was interested. I'd prefer only receiving gifts from someone I was already dating, unless it was made quite obvious that it was just a friendly gesture. For instance, buying something benign, like a book, would be okay (I love books, but friends can give me books and I wouldn't think anything of it). But flowers and jewelry would definitely make me uncomfortable if we weren't dating.
But, most importantly, I think I would wait for a guy to profess his interest first. For one thing, I think it is a guy's place to pursue. Secondly, I've had enough rejection of all forms to last me a lifetime, and I really do have a palpable fear of expressing interest first. I've been burned and hurt so many times, that even though in most cases it's been years, it still hurts and the rejection for me is paralyzing. I know I'll have to get over that at some point, and I know that everyone experiences rejection at some point. But Christ is still working on me, and remolding me, healing past hurts. I've torn down most of the walls I'd built around myself, but I know I still have some bricks to remove. God has continuously been taking me out of my comfort zone more and more, and I know He's restoring and renewing me. But I haven't overcome this particular fear yet, at least not in the romantic relationship department.
To some extent, I guess it would be all of the above, except maybe gifts. Gifts are nice, and really make me feel special, but aren't that important in the long run. Often, when I get gifts, I honestly don't know what I'll do with them.