I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. My heart ached as I read your post. You don’t need to be hard on yourself. You are precious, and no situation is hopeless. I know it’s not easy to go through depression. It’s a very complex issue that deserves personal and in-depth attention. I’d suggest that you consider counseling. A caring professional therapist would be in an excellent position to offer support and help you to cope with your difficulties. I just said a prayer for you, asking the Lord to surround you with His healing presence and fill you with His joy, strength, and peace. Please know that He cares about every detail of your life and is able to work out everything good for you. Stay strong, friend. Sending prayers and wishing you well!