Save My Marriage.. Pray For Me

[Priyadavid16]

Hi, I am new here. Well I have been married for 11/2 year now. Am Indian. Mine is a arranged marriagae,bt we both belong to different communities. He is Tamilan and I am Telugu. WE both are Christians by birth though.


We met each other on a matrimony site. There family met me 1st and later they came home and met my family. They asked for 150soverigns of Gold at the beginning. My father passed away,i have a yonger brother. Mom denied the proposal and told them our financial status(We belong to middle class).I am overweight too. Yet they wanted to go on with marriage. I have told everything about myself to my husband(ie am short tempered, stubborn, sensitive,i havent done any household chores and we have servant at home). He was ok with all of this initially. I even told him i dont want to get married for the 1st 1year atleast. N WE got married.

And my new life started. He stays along with his parents. He has younger brother who eloped and got married and has a daughter. I never knew it would be joint family when we got married as his parents told they would go and settle down in their native. Well anyways i got adjusted. He never used to take me anywhere out, when I ask him to take me he tells me that his parents will feel bad about it. He dint take me to any restaurant and he tells his parents cook food for us and they will feel bad if we dont have at home. With great struggle he used to take me out for beach. We had dinner out once bt he hid it from his parents. this used to hurt me a lot. WE used to go out as if we were secret lovers. Inspite of this i used to clean vessells(which i hate the most),I used to help in cooking(as i donno to cook),chopping veggies,sweeping,mopping at times. I learnt cooking gradually. I used to take care of house. Yet my mother in law never considered me as family. My husband used to tell I have absolute freedom at home, I can have whatever I want. I have tea/coffee only twice a day, even for that my MIL says i shouldn drink milk more(they hav atleast 5 times a day), I should use only lil coffee pwdr, I shouldn do this, that. If we go out and come both my in laws will be unhappy(at times they don talk to us for atleast 24hrs). Yet I was quite.

Inspite of all the work I had another big responsibilty of taking care of his Brother's daughter(coz her parents used to go for work). They leave the gal who is very naughty and hard to manage all the weekdays from 2 PM to 10 PM. Now My husband has this attitude that Wife should obey him. Wives should submit themselves to their husbands. I do cook,i wash vessel, i sweep the house and i take care of his bro's kid. Inspite of knowing that i havent done any of this at my Home he made me do this. now he wanted me to mop every single day. I said I cant do it everyday as i am tired of all the work at home already. He started saying that its my duty to do all the work. He never told me any of this when we got married or before marriage. They treat me like servant. He never takes me out now coz i have to take care of the work r i have to take care of the baby.


Now we had argument about the work at home and only one thing he says again and again is that wife's should obey the husbands no matter wat and we should submit overselves to husband a/c to bible. His Parents started saying am Overweight and Dats y we don have children yet. They knew right from the beginning that i am obesse. I couldn go for walk as i have too much work at home. My husband couldn even take me to hospital couple of times saying that they dont have money. Bt they keep buying so many unnecessary things, they buy chocolates for the baby, they buy dresses and toys for her. I have left the house and came to my maternal house as i Couldn stay there anymore.

I have no idea what to do now. I told him I will not stay there if his parents are there. He says he'l never leave his parents. He says am not being a daughter of GOD, I always respected his parents though his parents hurt me n no of times. I always listened to him. He was very spiritual. Not now though. He knows more about Jesus and Bible than me. I maynot take the references from Bible bt i Know about GOD. He takes references from Bible and he tells am not obeying GOD. Bt I did everything. Nw he asked me what did my family do to him, like what did i get from my home. After his parents involvment and saying that their relatives think that i have some health issues and I may be barren I don wan to be with them. I love my husband. What should I Do?????​

 

[CHRISTENE]

Heavenly Father in Jesus name I pray for this sister, may your will be done in her life.May the Lord help her and grant her wisdom and strength to deal with all the challenges in her life. May the Lord melt the hearts of her husband and in-laws so that they fear God and not oppress a child of God. In Jesus name I pray.Amen.

Psalm 54:4
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[TD]Behold, God is mine helper: the Lord is with them that uphold my soul.




Your husband is using the word of God to torture you.
I think you should show him the verse regarding the treatment a husband is to give his wife.

1 Peter 3:7

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3:7​

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Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Genesis 2:24
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[TD]Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.[/TD]
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Now that you are in your maternal home, you can spend time in prayer for your marriage and hope God helps you and your husbands attitude changes for you ,my goodwill is with you.Praise God.


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[graceword]

May the Lord God grant you wisdom. In the name of Jesus Christ.

Hey. I have never been married. I am from Africa also. However I think with my limited knowledge of culture, family and marriage, I can offer a word of encouragement.
Relationships are hard. We all know that. Marriage is hard work. It takes a lot to make it work. Only one thing can help in this kind of situations: love.

You say you love your husband. It may sound a little harsh but you need to make your love a little more perfect. Let me tell you a little personal matter. My dad once hurt me. I'm the last born and daddy's little girl. He did something that broke my heart and made me angry. I tried to forgive and forget but I just kept thinking of how inconsiderate and ununderstanding he was. Long story short, I took it out on God and he helped me. My advice is this:

1. Go to a quiet private place. Talk to God. Not praying. Tell him your real feelings. Something like "God, I am angry and disappointed with..." You need to let those bad feelings of anger, jealousy, low self esteem,etc out.
2. Since you love your husband, make a list of all the things love is from 1 Corinthians 13. Like this.
-Love is patient
-Love is not rude
-Love is kind
-Love doesn't keep a record of wrong.
Etc etc
3. Put in a place you can see as often as possible. Memorize and internalize. Practice it with your parents and husband, trusting you're strong enough. React with love. Don't be quick to answer back. Think before you speak. Don't expect in return when acting in love. Love changes people and they react to it. After all God himself is love.
It's upon you to decide how far you're willing to go. Trust God. He knows when to act and when you should stop.
4. Read your Bible everyday at least a chapter and talk to God as often as possible.

Remember: There's no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear. 1 john 4:18

Also, You may not be perfect, but Jesus thinks you're to die for.

Lord, bless your child. Show her how amazing you know she is and remind her of your everlasting love. Give her the strength to cope with challenges and to spread your love.

In Jesus name.

 

[Priyadavid16]

Thank you so much for ur loving and encoraging words. I have shown this references earlier and his reply was



you have taken, what you needed from I Peter 3:7 and you have
forgotten to read above remaining versus. God has told to give respect
to wife in 1Peter 3:7 who accomplishes characters told in 1Peter
3:1-6. It is continuous verse, you can't take only one verse( 1 peter
3:7) for your benefit. Do you know why wives are called as weaker
vessel? Learn them. Read Bible Properly before writing instruction. It
is word of God don't play with it.

God will show Love unconditionally but he is a Strict God. Our God
will not be quiet if his son/Daughter disobeys him. Do you want
references from bible how he have punished his own people who have
disobeyed him. Don't he love them unconditionally? He have loved them
but if they cross their rules, He has judged them and punished them
correctly. Daughter of God you are disobeying your husband. Beware
of that.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of flesh:
she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.
24. Therefore Shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall
cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.

The meaning of leave: The period of time during which you are absent
from work or duty.

It never said you should not be dependent on parents nor parents
should not be dependent on Son. It says period of time he leaves his
parents to have sex with his wife and to have intimacy.
04: For God commanded, Saying Honour thy father and mother: and he
that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.
05: But ye say, whoever shall say to his father and his mother, ........
06: .....(read from bible)

Jesus saying clearly in above verses a man should honour his parents
and should take care of them .Dont worry, It is for men and Jesus too
obeyed that commandment, Even in the cross (John19: 25-28) Jesus told
his friend and disciple john to take care of his mother then only he
said it was finished, bowed his head down and gave up his ghost.
Whoever dishonour thy parents have the curse of early death
before the time.

Every men of God, honoured their Parents and took care of them.
Abraham, Isac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, David, Solomon,Job...Jesus.etc,
Whoever in the bible who loved by God..they all took care of their
parents till their death.
Proverb 23:22 says Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and
despise not thy mother when she is old.
It is my duty to take care of my Parents. Giving 2nd place to wife and
3rd place doesn't mean you don't need to listen to the elders word
anymore. Still my father is head of our family and he is the leader.

 

[Priyadavid16]

Thank You So much for your encouraging words and advice. Will follow what you have said about making a list of 1 Corinthians 13 and reading it daily. And will ensure I would follow that. God will answer and act accordingly. Keep me in your Prayers.

 

[Mammachickadee]

Hi, I am new here. Well I have been married for 11/2 year now. Am Indian. Mine is a arranged marriagae,bt we both belong to different communities. He is Tamilan and I am Telugu. WE both are Christians by birth though.


We met each other on a matrimony site. There family met me 1st and later they came home and met my family. They asked for 150soverigns of Gold at the beginning. My father passed away,i have a yonger brother. Mom denied the proposal and told them our financial status(We belong to middle class).I am overweight too. Yet they wanted to go on with marriage. I have told everything about myself to my husband(ie am short tempered, stubborn, sensitive,i havent done any household chores and we have servant at home). He was ok with all of this initially. I even told him i dont want to get married for the 1st 1year atleast. N WE got married.

And my new life started. He stays along with his parents. He has younger brother who eloped and got married and has a daughter. I never knew it would be joint family when we got married as his parents told they would go and settle down in their native. Well anyways i got adjusted. He never used to take me anywhere out, when I ask him to take me he tells me that his parents will feel bad about it. He dint take me to any restaurant and he tells his parents cook food for us and they will feel bad if we dont have at home. With great struggle he used to take me out for beach. We had dinner out once bt he hid it from his parents. this used to hurt me a lot. WE used to go out as if we were secret lovers. Inspite of this i used to clean vessells(which i hate the most),I used to help in cooking(as i donno to cook),chopping veggies,sweeping,mopping at times. I learnt cooking gradually. I used to take care of house. Yet my mother in law never considered me as family. My husband used to tell I have absolute freedom at home, I can have whatever I want. I have tea/coffee only twice a day, even for that my MIL says i shouldn drink milk more(they hav atleast 5 times a day), I should use only lil coffee pwdr, I shouldn do this, that. If we go out and come both my in laws will be unhappy(at times they don talk to us for atleast 24hrs). Yet I was quite.

Inspite of all the work I had another big responsibilty of taking care of his Brother's daughter(coz her parents used to go for work). They leave the gal who is very naughty and hard to manage all the weekdays from 2 PM to 10 PM. Now My husband has this attitude that Wife should obey him. Wives should submit themselves to their husbands. I do cook,i wash vessel, i sweep the house and i take care of his bro's kid. Inspite of knowing that i havent done any of this at my Home he made me do this. now he wanted me to mop every single day. I said I cant do it everyday as i am tired of all the work at home already. He started saying that its my duty to do all the work. He never told me any of this when we got married or before marriage. They treat me like servant. He never takes me out now coz i have to take care of the work r i have to take care of the baby.


Now we had argument about the work at home and only one thing he says again and again is that wife's should obey the husbands no matter wat and we should submit overselves to husband a/c to bible. His Parents started saying am Overweight and Dats y we don have children yet. They knew right from the beginning that i am obesse. I couldn go for walk as i have too much work at home. My husband couldn even take me to hospital couple of times saying that they dont have money. Bt they keep buying so many unnecessary things, they buy chocolates for the baby, they buy dresses and toys for her. I have left the house and came to my maternal house as i Couldn stay there anymore.

I have no idea what to do now. I told him I will not stay there if his parents are there. He says he'l never leave his parents. He says am not being a daughter of GOD, I always respected his parents though his parents hurt me n no of times. I always listened to him. He was very spiritual. Not now though. He knows more about Jesus and Bible than me. I maynot take the references from Bible bt i Know about GOD. He takes references from Bible and he tells am not obeying GOD. Bt I did everything. Nw he asked me what did my family do to him, like what did i get from my home. After his parents involvment and saying that their relatives think that i have some health issues and I may be barren I don wan to be with them. I love my husband. What should I Do?????​

praying for you
You can honor your husband, but what's more important is that you focus on Jesus as your Savior. You married him no knowing he was abusive... but now you are married. If you are doing your best you are still honoring him.

 

[Priyadavid16]

@ Mammachickadee : Thanks for ur support. We never knew about them before marriage. Yes I still love him. I have lost my father in 2007 and my mother has undergone brain tumor surgery on AUG 02'2012. Now she is in last stages of cancer as well. Plz pray for my mother as well. And we have loans, now inspite of knowing our financial stauts he asked me what have i brought from home. It hurted me a lot. Words which he spoke concerning our family are pricking my heart. I cannot sleep properly, cannot concentrate on anything.

 

[pickles]

Hugs, much good advice for you already.
You and your husband are in my prayers in Jesus Christ is Lord.

God bless
pickles

 

[Priyadavid16]

@ Pickels : Thank you very much for keeping in me your prayers.

 

[Duckies]

Keeping you guys in my prayers! May the Lord bless your marriage and families ! ^_^

 

[misticflames]

God is with you... everything will work out for the better. Just stay strong and trust in God and ur husband. I will send prayers your way

 

[kittycat7]

Praying that God will heal and restore your marriage ^^ Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

—Matthew 7:1​

 

[onlinebuddy]

Dear sister,
I have entered this discussion a bit late. So I hope and pray that all is well by now. I am sorry to hear that you have been going through such a rough time.

Here are my views on your situation:
-You are facing all the standard problems of living in an Indian orthodox joint family.
-Dowry is a social evil that prevails in our society, and if your husband was a spiritual man, he should have known that.
-It's sad that in India the wife is ALWAYS blamed when there are no children, when the problem could very well be with the husband.
-It is not right for your husband to put all the family work load on you. He has brought home a wife, and not a servantfor the family. Sorry, but it is not your duty to do all the work of the family. This has no biblical basis and is nothing but unorthodox Indian mentality.
-Your brother's baby is not your responsibility. You are doing them a favor by taking care of the baby.
-Since you have given no dowry and aren't earning any income, you are being treated like a liability. Therefore all the dirty work becomes your "duty."

Some suggestions:
If possible (but not necessarily), try to find a job to support your needs and the needs of both your families.
Do get in touch with your husband and tell him (the truth) that you love him and would like to be with him once again.
Initiate a discussion with him to resolve the problem.
Get a common friend, a church elder, a relative or someone to mediate (I'm assuming that marriage counselling is out of the question).
Try to find an alternate accommodation.
Do not sever ties with his family. Tell them you love them but left as you couldn't handle the pressure (which is the truth).

I may be wrong, but these are my views. I know it is easy to give advice, but I was touched by your story and therefore the long post.

I pray that God gives your husband wisdom and insight to understand what you are going through and to realize how special you are. I also pray for your mom that God may ease her pain and comfort her. Also praying for your loan situation.
Take heart sister, God is in control. Persevere, and you will see His hand.

 

[colalella2891]

Praying for ya.

 

[onlinebuddy]

This has no biblical basis and is nothing but unorthodox Indian mentality.

correction: orthodox Indian mentality

 

[onlinebuddy]

13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority,14 or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 15 For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. 16 Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves.17 Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.
18 Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 19 For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. 20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. 21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
22 “He committed no sin,
and no deceit was found in his mouth.”[e]

23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 24 “He himself bore our sins”in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”25 For “you were like sheep going astray,”[f] but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
(1 Pet 2:13-25, NIV)

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
(1 Pet 3:1-2, NIV)

This is for you dear sister:

- Peter is telling us to submit to all authority, and your husband is your head. I am not saying it; the Bible says it. Why must you submit? For the Lord's sake (v 13)

- God's will is that by doing good, you may silence your unjust in-laws. Your in-laws will not realize their faults if you retaliate. However, if you are a godly example, you may lead them to repentance (v15). Now this does not mean that you must be a doormat. I'm sure you had very good reasons for leaving your husband's house. No one must judge you for that. It's between you and your husband and God. However it must be resolved.

- If you suffer for no fault of yours, it is to your credit in the eyes of God (v20). This is what matters most.

-As we suffer unjustly, we need to think of the great example of our Lord Jesus (v21). He made no threats and he did not retaliate. What a great example! Focusing on Christ will give you great comfort.

Chapter 3 begins with "Wives, in the same way...." This means that chapter 2 and chapter 3 are connected. So wives of ungodly husbands must conduct themselves in the way Christ conducted himself under injustice. So if you ever move back to your husband's house, there is a great responsibility on your shoulders.

God Bless!

 

[onlinebuddy]

you have taken, what you needed from I Peter 3:7 and you have
forgotten to read above remaining versus. God has told to give respect
to wife in 1Peter 3:7 who accomplishes characters told in 1Peter
3:1-6. It is continuous verse, you can't take only one verse( 1 peter
3:7) for your benefit. Do you know why wives are called as weaker
vessel? Learn them. Read Bible Properly before writing instruction. It
is word of God don't play with it.

7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Pet 3:7)

I'm afraid, your husband is WRONG here. When verse 7 says, "Husbands, in the same way..." it means IN THE SAME WAY AS CHRIST. This verse is connected to 1 Peter 2: 21-25:
21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
22 “He committed no sin,
and no deceit was found in his mouth.”[e]

23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 24 “He himself bore our sins”in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”25 For “you were like sheep going astray,”[f] but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. (1 Pet 2: 21-25)

Also note that this verse (v7) starts with the word "HUSBANDS." So in verse 7, Peter is not talking to the wives. He is talking to the husbands, and telling them to treat their wives with respect, and that too unconditionally.

Now, your husband says that there is a condition: That he will respect you only if you would treat him as Lord, just as Sarah treated Abraham. HE IS WRONG! A husband must treat his wife with honour UNCONDITIONALLY- like Jesus treats the church (Ephesians 5:25). He must follow the example of Jesus. Also, Ephesians 5:28 exhorts the husband to love his wife as his own body.

Sorry to say this, but your husband is using (or rather misusing) the Bible to his advantage. Nevertheless, I would urge you to treat him with respect and gently point out these facts.

 

[onlinebuddy]

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of flesh:
she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.
24. Therefore Shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall
cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.

The meaning of leave: The period of time during which you are absent
from work or duty.

It never said you should not be dependent on parents nor parents
should not be dependent on Son. It says period of time he leaves his
parents to have sex with his wife and to have intimacy.
04: For God commanded, Saying Honour thy father and mother: and he
that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.
05: But ye say, whoever shall say to his father and his mother, ........
06: .....(read from bible)

Jesus saying clearly in above verses a man should honour his parents
and should take care of them .Dont worry, It is for men and Jesus too
obeyed that commandment, Even in the cross (John19: 25-28) Jesus told
his friend and disciple john to take care of his mother then only he
said it was finished, bowed his head down and gave up his ghost.
Whoever dishonour thy parents have the curse of early death
before the time.

Every men of God, honoured their Parents and took care of them.
Abraham, Isac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, David, Solomon,Job...Jesus.etc,
Whoever in the bible who loved by God..they all took care of their
parents till their death.
Proverb 23:22 says Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and
despise not thy mother when she is old.
It is my duty to take care of my Parents. Giving 2nd place to wife and
3rd place doesn't mean you don't need to listen to the elders word
anymore. Still my father is head of our family and he is the leader.

Dear sister,
I can see that you are in a tough spot. I have noticed that you haven't been online for a while. It is best that you consult some elder in your church or your extended family. Assuming that you have no one to talk to, I will give you my views as a brother in Christ:

- Children must look after their parents (at least in India).
There is no doubt that the wife holds second position after God, and then come the parents. However, in our Indian society, we cannot abandon the parents. In most middle class families, the parents end up spending all their savings on their children. Furthermore, they take loans in order to meet the growing needs of children. Also, unlike other countries, mothers do all the washing and cooking and cleaning for the children till they are married, and fathers take huge loans to get their children married off. So when the parents are older, they have no savings left for themselves. They have spent half of their lives taking care of their children, and have never gone on a vacation. Therefore, children MUST support their parents financially. So your husband is RIGHT here. As his wife, you be a support to him and his family. You are already into it, and you cannot back off now. However, you are a wife and not a maid. When housework becomes unmanageable, he must arrange for someone to do at least the clothes, vessels and the floor (I'm a family man, and therefore I understand the burden of these 3 chores). You can help out with the cooking and caring.

-Alternately, both you can move into a rented house and still support your in-laws' family financially, if you can find a job.

-Your husband must understand that someone must also take care of your ailing mother, since you are the elder daughter and she has no one else. So your husband cannot disconnect you from your mother. Sadly, in our country, daughters are cut off from parents after marriage.

-Your father-in-law is undoubtedly the head of the entire joint household, and you must give him that respect. However, your husband is your head, in terms of taking responsibility for your happiness, your needs and your spirituality. Your husband cannot neglect his responsibility (that is your happiness) in order to fulfill his responsibility towards his father. In such a situation, he MUST MANAGE BOTH.

-Being "one flesh" does solely mean sex. That is a very selfish interpretation. Sex is definitely part of the deal, but what about the other side of the coin? Your husband must also give you the due respect in front of his family, and take care of your physical, medical and emotional needs.

God Bless!