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I don't know if you can call me a Christian.
My father was a Baptist minister in the pulpit; but when he stepped out he was the opposite of everything the church stand for... a liar, a cheater, the alcoholic, a racist,and extremely abusive...amongst many other things. And it seems that everyone else in the church were like him or worse; so at a very young age and extremely bitter taste in my mouth as far as religion and "Christians" are concerned.
I believe in God, I believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins, I know all of the Bible stories, all of the laws, rules, and regulations...but there is the part of me that is angry, a part of me that doesn't care. There is the part of me that gets a tremendous amount of enjoyment out of my sinful life.
Many times I have tried to get in line with God's commandments, live according to " His will", but personal issues, my anger, my lust, questions, frustrations, my incapability to "have faith", I have always hindered me.
When I ask "Christians" for advice, they always say the typical things: " pray about it", "ask for forgiveness", " ask Jesus this... ask Jesus that", " open up your heart", "have faith". They tend to forget that not everyone is a Holy Roller, and for those of us who do struggle with faith...getting down on our knees and praying to a God we have resentment towards... is not easy to do. It's not so simple, or so black & white, there are a hundred shades of gray in between. And even if I were to get on my knees and pray... God can still see the darkness in my heart...so praying does not matter, if it is not sincere.
I would like to find someone who I can go into more detail with, someone who could possibly aid me as I attempt it again to make the transition from the person who I am, to the person that God wants me to be. I really want to put my life on the right path.
I ask for a person who is "realistic"; not so buried in the way things " should be", that they are completely blind it to the way things really are. Not someone who cannot handle dark issues.
My father was a Baptist minister in the pulpit; but when he stepped out he was the opposite of everything the church stand for... a liar, a cheater, the alcoholic, a racist,and extremely abusive...amongst many other things. And it seems that everyone else in the church were like him or worse; so at a very young age and extremely bitter taste in my mouth as far as religion and "Christians" are concerned.
I believe in God, I believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins, I know all of the Bible stories, all of the laws, rules, and regulations...but there is the part of me that is angry, a part of me that doesn't care. There is the part of me that gets a tremendous amount of enjoyment out of my sinful life.
Many times I have tried to get in line with God's commandments, live according to " His will", but personal issues, my anger, my lust, questions, frustrations, my incapability to "have faith", I have always hindered me.
When I ask "Christians" for advice, they always say the typical things: " pray about it", "ask for forgiveness", " ask Jesus this... ask Jesus that", " open up your heart", "have faith". They tend to forget that not everyone is a Holy Roller, and for those of us who do struggle with faith...getting down on our knees and praying to a God we have resentment towards... is not easy to do. It's not so simple, or so black & white, there are a hundred shades of gray in between. And even if I were to get on my knees and pray... God can still see the darkness in my heart...so praying does not matter, if it is not sincere.
I would like to find someone who I can go into more detail with, someone who could possibly aid me as I attempt it again to make the transition from the person who I am, to the person that God wants me to be. I really want to put my life on the right path.
I ask for a person who is "realistic"; not so buried in the way things " should be", that they are completely blind it to the way things really are. Not someone who cannot handle dark issues.