V
Hi.
Firstly, I want to apologize for my English, since it's not my first language, and if I didn't post it in the right category I'm also sorry. But I hope someone will have the patience to read and understand what I wrote.
I feel like God doesn't care about me anymore. I grew up in a small church. About five years ago my parents decided to send me in some camps with the kids from a church in a bigger city. It was so nice to be in the presence of those people who spoke about God and lived what they spoke about, I felt another kind of warmth and joy than usual. But once I was returning home, things were going back to their usual manner, without involving God too much in my life, or not involving him at all.
Last year, I experienced a kind of happiness and peace I never felt before. I felt so full of joy, that I knew even if it was to die that time, I would've gone home and I had no regrets related to anything I would've left behind. It was the most powerful experience of my life, it was the most beautiful and profound joy I ever felt. I ceded to sins, though, all over and over again, I didn't pray, I stopped asking for forgiveness and the joy vanished kind of quickly. This year when I went to another Christian camp I didn't feel the presence of God anymore. I didn't feel joy. I didn't feel peace. I didn't feel forgiveness. I prayed, and I felt like I didn't pray to anyone.
I am not aware of the danger and misery of the sin anymore. I started wishing to be more like my friends who have fun in clubs, who have sex, who live a rebellious life. And I know it is bad, but unlike before... a voice in my head tells me it's not that bad. I felt like I am totally lost, it scares me. I feel like God finally gave up on me. I continue to persist into some sinful habits which I know they are wrong and I am ashamed to speak about. I caught myself trying to find arguments for which they are not sins, but I know the truth. And I feel like my mind, at almost 18 years, it's absolutely miserable and corrupted by sin, although I only "practiced" it in my thoughts. I prayed, but I feel like this wall of sins is too big and heavy, and the presence of God cannot reach me anymore. I tried to seek advice from my parents but they only keep on telling me to get baptized because the end is near and I go to hell. But... I feel like God stopped calling for me and I wasted all my chances of getting back to Him. I feel completely worthless.
Firstly, I want to apologize for my English, since it's not my first language, and if I didn't post it in the right category I'm also sorry. But I hope someone will have the patience to read and understand what I wrote.
I feel like God doesn't care about me anymore. I grew up in a small church. About five years ago my parents decided to send me in some camps with the kids from a church in a bigger city. It was so nice to be in the presence of those people who spoke about God and lived what they spoke about, I felt another kind of warmth and joy than usual. But once I was returning home, things were going back to their usual manner, without involving God too much in my life, or not involving him at all.
Last year, I experienced a kind of happiness and peace I never felt before. I felt so full of joy, that I knew even if it was to die that time, I would've gone home and I had no regrets related to anything I would've left behind. It was the most powerful experience of my life, it was the most beautiful and profound joy I ever felt. I ceded to sins, though, all over and over again, I didn't pray, I stopped asking for forgiveness and the joy vanished kind of quickly. This year when I went to another Christian camp I didn't feel the presence of God anymore. I didn't feel joy. I didn't feel peace. I didn't feel forgiveness. I prayed, and I felt like I didn't pray to anyone.
I am not aware of the danger and misery of the sin anymore. I started wishing to be more like my friends who have fun in clubs, who have sex, who live a rebellious life. And I know it is bad, but unlike before... a voice in my head tells me it's not that bad. I felt like I am totally lost, it scares me. I feel like God finally gave up on me. I continue to persist into some sinful habits which I know they are wrong and I am ashamed to speak about. I caught myself trying to find arguments for which they are not sins, but I know the truth. And I feel like my mind, at almost 18 years, it's absolutely miserable and corrupted by sin, although I only "practiced" it in my thoughts. I prayed, but I feel like this wall of sins is too big and heavy, and the presence of God cannot reach me anymore. I tried to seek advice from my parents but they only keep on telling me to get baptized because the end is near and I go to hell. But... I feel like God stopped calling for me and I wasted all my chances of getting back to Him. I feel completely worthless.