Son taking care of elderly parents

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L

LAson

Guest
#1
#1
Hi all, two years ago I bought a home big enough to move my parents in to watch over them. I've really had no help from siblings, and Mom has several challenging issues such as hoarding, passive/aggressiveness, communication issues. Normally I'm fine, but lately I've felt overwhelmed, prayer has been my lifeline. Any advice from others?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
Sounds like you may need to start looking into other options. Hiring someone to come in and help, counseling for you each or even sending them to a facility where they can be watched more easily.
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#3
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
18
#3
Maybe you can talk to your siblings again, if they can help in a small way.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#4
Jan 24, 2011
11,783
2,948
113
#4
Find out if you have respite in your area. Your mom also sounds like she needs medical attention for her inappropriate behaviours. There are meds they can give people who have symptoms of mental illness manifested as part of their dementia.

No one should totally be responsible for caring for their parents. Your siblings really do need to step up. Maybe drop mom and dad on their doorstep and walk away, telling them you need a rest for a day or so?

Praying you find some answers, and God bless you for caring for your aging parents. It is a difficult job!
 
L

LAson

Guest
#5
#5
God bless all of you for your support, Merry Christmas!
 
N

nimbus3852

Guest
#6
#6
Therapy can help.
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#7
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#7
It encourages me so to hear about people like you. We are in the last days. Even our churches reflect that, you can read posts on cc saying not to listen to anything God tells us to do, God only says to listen to our heart only, they say. So if their heart doesn't say to take care of mothers and fathers, it wouldn't be Christian to do it.

I have been deserted by all of my family but one, who I can go to in emergencies only. We were so close, friends, too. Now I am almost blind and hear poorly, so I don't even get Christmas cards from them. There is nothing I have found to do about it.

I thank the Lord I am strong enough to live alone, getting groceries my only problem. My family would all never eat a meal without a blessing, but the idea that they are living because God used me is just not part of what they will accept. I hope you explore any way you can think of to get help. I haven't found any way that works at all.
 
L

LAson

Guest
#8
#8
Hi All, since I posted this I've looked into getting some help via a program in my state that might provide some in-home assistance. I'm not sure if it will happen, but I hope so. My Mom is a lovely person, but she has hoarding issues and is very hard on my home (broke the new dishwasher, damaged the fridge and walls, and puts things in the washing machine that shouldn't go in there). It's hard for me because I have always felt it's important to take care if the things you've been blessed with, but she has never taken care of things even as a young person. I grew up in a chaotic and filthy house, but at least I had a parent to take care of me, many do not, but as an adult I value calm, order, cleanliness at home, and I doubt I'll ever have that with her staying with me. But I still am proud to be taking care of her, and thank God for God and prayer!
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#9
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#9
You are a real blessing to your parents :).

It's very hard to live in a house with people who don't have the same ideas about cleanliness as you do...and hoarding can be especially hard to deal with. It's a challenge when my children come to visit because they act like they have never been taught how to wash their hands or not to put wet towels on the bed, etc. My husband and I are not clean fanatics but my kids lack the basic ideas about cleanliness. It's like they've purposely rejected everything we tried to teach them. Sorry....I just had to vent ;).

Maybe you can set limits for her ...like she can have one room for her 'stuff' and when that's full she has to get rid of some things before getting new stuff. How does she pay for these things? Maybe you can give her a weekly allowance which she has to budget carefully. This website talks about treatment ideas for this disorder:

Specialty Programs

One treatment is called Cognitive Behavior Therapy that focuses on changing one's behavior patterns. It also talks about medication...which may be helpful in dementia cases.

Praying for you...patience, strength, and guidance :).
 
L

LAson

Guest
#10
#10
Oh thanks so much for your advice! I'll look into all. I still feel moving the parents in was meant to be, it's a tough pathway though, but I'm praying all the time for guidance and am thankful for the prayers and advice of others.
 
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