Star Crossed Soul Mates...

[Avalonjunky]

Hi Everyone,
What I am about to write is rather difficult for me but I am doing so because I need some advice and some comforting words to help me lean on. The one thing I will ask, is that none of you place judgement on what you are about to read. I ask this because I have others, including people that I am related to and others that were once my friends to do just that. So here goes....

When I was 15 years old, I met a guy. In a matter of days we were fast friends. Before I knew it, I was head-over-heels in love with him. I did tell him, so he does know. Well he always has. Though we have never been together. Over the years he has always told me that we would "Someday" be together, while never telling me that we wouldn't ever be together. He has had more lovers than I can count on my fingers and toes ten times over. But I love him still to this day. I know that God forgives him for the things he has done because he doesn't yet understand what he has done because of the way he lives.

I know it isn't right, but no one in his life has ever loved him enough to show him the right way to live or that God loves him regardless of what he does that why he sent his son to die for him. I would give anything to be able to show him that... I tell him each time we talk how much he means to me, and that he is loved by God more than he will ever know but he insists that God isn't real but I know he doesn't really believe that because at one point in his teenage years he was very into learning about God.

Two years ago, I found out that he had ended up getting hooked on Heroin and ending up committing a bunch of Crimes that landed him in prison for two years. Finally, he told me that he loves me. Now I understand that when people are in prison they will often say anything to get people on the outside to get that person to send them money, but I know he meant it. I've been in love with him for 17 years and it took him that long and ending up in prison to tell me how he feels to tell me those words. I was sending him money, but it wasn't much or often, only when I had it to spare (and on SSDI that's not much at all).

He told me that when he got out I would be the person he was with, but I'm not. He's out. We are not together. In fact, I don't even know where he and his son are. I have prayed and continue to pray about this and God keeps speaking to my heart that I am to be with Tommy for the rest of my life but my time hasn't come yet. What I want isn't going to happen instantly. You see, I forgive him for all the things that he has done, even the way he treats me, as I know that God does the same. I love him so much my heart doesn't know how to let him go... I believe this may be impossible. I don't know what to do or if this can even be done. I find myself in tears when I pray because I am terrified that I will spend the rest of alone because I fear that will never know real love.
I know I love Tommy and I do not doubt that he loves me but I think that his love for me scares him so he seeks other things so as not to feel what he feels for me. What do I do? I'm confused and lonely? Any suggestions? My heart says that we are meant to be so that makes us star crossed soul mates. Isn't 17 years long enough for God to move, how do I deal with this without breaking apart?

 

[yac11]

My suggestion would be to remember that you are to love God with your entire being. To put none before him. Though no one walks in your shoes, from your post it appears that you have put this man over God. Though you love God, you are saying that if you don't have this man you will be alone. You are never alone when God is first in your life. I know this.

God wouldn't be pleased that your giving money that you get for your disability to a man who is addicted to Heroin and goes out into the world and commits crimes. You are blessed that you are getting some money and I believe you are not honoring God by giving any of it to this man.

I can't speak how this man feels about you, but you know actions speak louder than words. I am so sorry to say that from the words above you know this man doesn't love you. But God does, and he can't bless you with the desires of your heart until your heart is following the commandments. That's not to say that he will give what you request, have no expectations but only want His Will To Be Done.

[h=3]The Greatest Commandment[/h]34 Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law,tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[c] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[d] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

So, God wants you to pray for him and to want the best for him, but doesn't want you to be a fool.

I hope that you take this in the spirit that I intended for it to be received, and may God Bless you abundantly and show you always, that your never going to be alone.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

Isn't 17 years long enough for God to move, how do I deal with this without breaking apart?

"For a thousand years in Your sight are like yesterday when it is past, and like a watch in the night." -Psalm 90:4

Samuel Johnson was also quoted as saying: "The mind is never satisfied with the objects immediately before it, but is always breaking away from the present moment, and losing itself in schemes of future felicity... The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope."

I'll pray for your reunion, and more importantly, I'll pray for Tommy's salvation.

 

[Avalonjunky]

I think you miss understand... I place no one before God. I am one of those people that know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn't be here today If GOD didn't love me enough to keep me here on his earth for his purposes not my own. I know that God loves me. Though I also know that God created love of another person for each of us that he doesn't intend for any of his children to be alone. I am being tested for some reason. God is walkign with me during this time in my life and I know that with him in my life I am never 'alone' but life is hard. Nothing in my life has ever been easy and God has always seen me through, just as I know he always will. Tommy was more a blessing. I've loved him and I know he loves me What I don't know is how to stop him from being so scared of how he feels. Sometimes I often think that God brought us together in the first place so that I could help Tommy find his way into the arms of our heavenly father without any judgement at all. After all isn't that what love is? Many times though God has also told me that one day we will be a couple, a family because he will grant us our heart's desire if we trust in him...but no I will never place anyone or anything above God. For without God I am NOTHING.

 

[Avalonjunky]

I thank you for your prayer's. I find myself praying for his salvation many times each day. This often brings tears as I pray because I know this is the only way we shall meet in eternity.
God bless.

 

[kenisyes]

Tommy's way more confused than you are. You at least can stay out of jail and have a life of some kind. If he ever gets around to maturing, maybe this thing will work out. But then again, how long did Abraham and Moses have to wait for their true ministries to take form?

Practically, I think (especially if your biological clock is ticking) you need to start trying to meet some other men. God has a way of working things out. Maybe you will find out you belong to no one, or maybe you will push Tommy to commit, or maybe you will find God has a plan for you that you cannot see because of the 15 year old's dream still in you. But I think wisdom would say you need to give the other plan a try, just to know for certain where your heart leads, now that you have 19 more years of adulthood under your belt.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

Remember that Jesus informed those who questioned him on the subject of divorce that we shall not be married or united in heaven as we are on earth, as husband and wife. That's not to diminish the thought of you two together, and if your heart longs for companionship, then I will absolutely hope that that is in His will for you, be it with Tommy or with someone else!

 

[jerusalem]

the heart is deceitful above all things.....i had a co-worker friend that was the other woman for 10 years. she was head over heels in love with this man and was absolutely convinced that he loved her as much as she loved him. she would say that he stayed in his marriage because of his career and his children and out of respect for his wife. she said that made her love him all the more because it showed what a good man he was. she often used the term soul mate too. she was devastated when he broke it off. she had told people for years that he was the only man for her and how devoted he was to her. he replaced her with a younger mistress. he wasnt at all delicate in breaking it off and it soon became apparent what his true feelings for her were after the split.after awhile she had a breakdown and moved in with her daughter. she had thrown away her best years over a lie. a dreamword that she had created. a relationship in which she felt safe because as she put it she had the best of both worlds. if i am calculating what you have said correctly you are now 32 years old and have been pining away over this make believe relationship since you were a very young girl. in my old neighborhood guys would call girls like you cash reserves. i know that must seem like a cruel thing for me to say but i have been around for awhile and i know how a lot of people operate. he obviously shows up when he needs something and is johnny on his way when he doesnt. i think you need to really take an honest look at your own motives for staying in this so-called relationship. it is clearly an imaginary one that keeps you from having to take the risks and putting in the work that a serious relationship would involve. a relationship like this requires nothing from you and portrays you as a victim sparing you from the pain of any failed attempts at trying to form something real with someone. i could be wrong and if i am i apologize. but that is how it seems to me. i hope you find the answer through prayerful trust that you can be shown the right answer if you follow God's leading in this no matter what you think your heart is saying.

 

[Avalonjunky]

Well, due to the fact that I have Cerebral Palsy and that I am nearly 35 I honestly don't believe that child bearing is in my future. Though I know that God can do all things. He did after all, Give Abraham and Sarah a child when they were nearly 100 years old. As for dreams...my dreams consist only of what God may have instore for me. The rest I leave in his hands because it only breaks my heart. As for being with Tommy being the dream of a 15 year old, well, over the years I have repeatedly asked God to remove the way I feel for him from me and for a while there was no response becase as we know God doesn't work in instants but rather when he wants to. So when he did respond to me, the love would only be stronger even though I wouldn't have talked to or had any contact with Tommy in a very long time but yet God tells my heart to not let go because it's where I'm too be. So it's where I've stayed. Other men have never really been an option...

 

[isaria]

You feel the way you feel and if you on top of that feel that its Gods will you be with him.

However one should also know when its time to let go.
He should not lead you on if he is not interested he should clearly tell you so.
Why dont you ask him straight out, where he stands and what he wants and if theres a chance for you.

Theres also a difference between loving someone and crossing the line where you dont no longer respect a no is a no and you become a stalker like behaviours still convincing yourself its love.

Star crossed .
You get some bad destructive relationships where feels like the other party takes and drains you.
They feel good and you feel bad and they love you for how you make them feel yet they care not for you.
Becomes like a parasite relationship and thats with all they are not a "mother nature balanced way".

Ask him.
Listen and respect.

I have heard so many people, specially woman that do black magic to get a man they want or actually to get anything they want and or to any woman who may stand in way (if he showed interest in another) .
All kinds of evil plans with friends they have.
Black magic does work.
Its against Gods will but they still do it all time to get what they want.
They do all kinds of horrid things.
And if he shows interest in another woman they may be evil to her, try kill or worse.


Are you still friends?
Are you friends with his son?
Or do you get along with his son?
Were you bad to his son?


I would ask him straight out.
Does he want to be with you and if yes, in what way.

Maybe he moved far away and wants space to start a new life with his son.


Many people hold on to some one for years and years and nothing comes of it.
Like some one may be waiting for some one and he gay or ran of with another woman or ran of with many other woman or married or does not even like her.
There she is waiting for him and he does not like her.
Maybe she waited years and years and find out he homosexual or something else.


Better ask out front and listen and respect.

If he says no and you stalk and or violate you may loose a friend aswell and get a restrainingorder.

He may have things palnned with his son.

You may have other interact with , and meet other men.

 

[Avalonjunky]

We are still friends, very close friends in fact. But no I've not had the chance to meet his son. When I was going to meet his son I was quite sick and didn't want to make the little guy sick because I had a fever of over 102 so I thought it best to wait. Now I've got to wait until he decides that Alex can handle it again.

I've asked him about "us" before. I often do because sometimes I get the feeling that he is leading me on. Though he says that there is more than a chance for us because one day we will be together esppecially since I'm the only one in his life that's never tried to change him. My response is that "love is suppose to love you as you are, that is after all, how God Loves you". Many times he tells me that I'm too good to be true and he wonders how he ended up with someone as good as me attatched to somone like him. Though he says I should know by now that he loves me, he's told me so and I believe it's not the things he says but also the things he does.

God tells me to stay so I do.

 

[Avalonjunky]

after re-reading your message to me, I am going to say that you are wrong on one thing. that is that Tommy has never used me as a cash reserve. The only time I ever sent him money was when he was in jail and it altogether totaled about $50. 00. Now he's out and I don't give him a thing except love. We are friends and that's it. We don't have any time of physical relationship at all. When he has another girlfriend we don't so much as hug, I won't allow it, because I see it as being unfaithful and so does he. He's not an angel and neither am I. I just accept him the way he is as he does me.

 

[Ugly]

Hi Everyone,
What I am about to write is rather difficult for me but I am doing so because I need some advice and some comforting words to help me lean on. The one thing I will ask, is that none of you place judgement on what you are about to read. I ask this because I have others, including people that I am related to and others that were once my friends to do just that. So here goes....

When I was 15 years old, I met a guy. In a matter of days we were fast friends. Before I knew it, I was head-over-heels in love with him. I did tell him, so he does know. Well he always has. Though we have never been together. Over the years he has always told me that we would "Someday" be together, while never telling me that we wouldn't ever be together. He has had more lovers than I can count on my fingers and toes ten times over. But I love him still to this day. I know that God forgives him for the things he has done because he doesn't yet understand what he has done because of the way he lives.

I know it isn't right, but no one in his life has ever loved him enough to show him the right way to live or that God loves him regardless of what he does that why he sent his son to die for him. I would give anything to be able to show him that... I tell him each time we talk how much he means to me, and that he is loved by God more than he will ever know but he insists that God isn't real but I know he doesn't really believe that because at one point in his teenage years he was very into learning about God.

Two years ago, I found out that he had ended up getting hooked on Heroin and ending up committing a bunch of Crimes that landed him in prison for two years. Finally, he told me that he loves me. Now I understand that when people are in prison they will often say anything to get people on the outside to get that person to send them money, but I know he meant it. I've been in love with him for 17 years and it took him that long and ending up in prison to tell me how he feels to tell me those words. I was sending him money, but it wasn't much or often, only when I had it to spare (and on SSDI that's not much at all).

He told me that when he got out I would be the person he was with, but I'm not. He's out. We are not together. In fact, I don't even know where he and his son are. I have prayed and continue to pray about this and God keeps speaking to my heart that I am to be with Tommy for the rest of my life but my time hasn't come yet. What I want isn't going to happen instantly. You see, I forgive him for all the things that he has done, even the way he treats me, as I know that God does the same. I love him so much my heart doesn't know how to let him go... I believe this may be impossible. I don't know what to do or if this can even be done. I find myself in tears when I pray because I am terrified that I will spend the rest of alone because I fear that will never know real love.
I know I love Tommy and I do not doubt that he loves me but I think that his love for me scares him so he seeks other things so as not to feel what he feels for me. What do I do? I'm confused and lonely? Any suggestions? My heart says that we are meant to be so that makes us star crossed soul mates. Isn't 17 years long enough for God to move, how do I deal with this without breaking apart?

Wow. You are making so many assumptions about how he feels about you. He's using you. You're so caught up in emotion and fear of being alone, that you have blinded yourself to the truth of who this man is. You 'know he meant it' when he said he loved you? Oh really? If he meant it then where is he? Oh, you don't know. He got out of prison and disappeared on you. A male slut heroin addict ex-con, and you buy into every line he feeds you because you can't handle admitting the truth to yourself. That he doesn't care.
Also, you should know that the idea of 'soul mates' is no biblical. Its foundations are in ancient Roman paganism. People are not made for other people. God did not make a person for you, nor are you made for another person. We are made for God. Consider Pauls words on marriage to not marry unless you can't control your passions. I know, this isn't a command. But if 'soul mates' or whatever term you want to apply, exist, then why would Paul discourage marriage? Isn't that the bible contradicting itself?
It seems you've spent 17 years trying to 'fix' someone hoping that they would 'get fixed' and fall head over heels in love with you and you'd get married and live happily ever after. Its time to realize this is not a healthy start to any relationship. And rarely does it work. And guess what, God has not forgiven this guy for anything. Forgiveness is a gift for people who choose to follow God, it is not given to everyone, regardless of their choices or who or what they choose to follow.
You're saying you think he's, more or less, afraid to admit and commit to how he feels about you. I say you're the one who's afraid. You spent 17 years of your life chasing after a dream that has no sign of ever coming true. This way, you're emotionally unavailable to any other relationship that will require GENUINE commitment and a sense of vulnerability. As long as you chase after this unobtainable goal, you never have to put yourself out there for anyone else to fail you. You know this guy will fail you over and over again. You know it, you expect it. You're probably used to it on some level. But no one else can hurt you like that. No one else can surprise you by letting you down or whatever. Because all your attention and focus is on something else.
And before you tell me this is God, i'm sorry, i don't buy it. If you knew how many times i've heard people swear up and down 'God' is directing them into a relationship only to have it blow up.. man. Most people i've seen use God as an excuse to justify doing what they want, even when others try to warn them, or talk them out of it. Who is going to argue with God?

 

[zaoman32]

Yeah, pretty much what Ugly said and others have been saying. You're not going to find a whole lot of people who agree with you in your decision in this situation. The guy is using you, and obviously knows all the right things to say and do to keep you in his pocket, and you're so infatuated with him that you just don't care, and refuse to see it for what it is.

you said at one point God doesn't want any of his children to be alone, in a way that's true, God made his people for God, but if you're strictly speaking of human relationships, I'm sorry but you're wrong. If that was the case there wouldn't be any Christians living their entire lives celibate, and yet there are Christians who live with no desire to get married, they live dedicated to God. You mentioned at another point asking God to take your feelings for him away if they were wrong...if you really wanted those feelings gone, they would be gone. God can't zap you and just change your thinking. That kind of prayer and desires requires action on your part to at least try and stop dwelling on it, and you obviously have no desire to.

As someone else mentioned, the heart is deceitful above all things. Shortly after I separated from my ex-wife I got really close to a female co-worker, and she was/is a great person. At the time I developed strong feelings for her and had to force myself not to speak what I truly felt. In the end I'm glad I didn't. I knew what my heart wanted, but all it would have accomplished was more drama and crap for me to have to deal with. Rather than just let my heart go with it, I kept my feelings at bay and in the end, she's still a really good friend of mine though I don't see her as often, and I'm glad for the time I spent with her.

If you wanted advice, you got advice. Nearly everyone agrees that this guy is bad news and is using you and you need to kick him to the curb. But you don't want advice, you want someone to agree with you and support you.

 

[IEATGLITTER]

Wow. You are making so many assumptions about how he feels about you. He's using you. You're so caught up in emotion and fear of being alone, that you have blinded yourself to the truth of who this man is. You 'know he meant it' when he said he loved you? Oh really? If he meant it then where is he? Oh, you don't know. He got out of prison and disappeared on you. A male slut heroin addict ex-con, and you buy into every line he feeds you because you can't handle admitting the truth to yourself. That he doesn't care.
Also, you should know that the idea of 'soul mates' is no biblical. Its foundations are in ancient Roman paganism. People are not made for other people. God did not make a person for you, nor are you made for another person. We are made for God. Consider Pauls words on marriage to not marry unless you can't control your passions. I know, this isn't a command. But if 'soul mates' or whatever term you want to apply, exist, then why would Paul discourage marriage? Isn't that the bible contradicting itself?
It seems you've spent 17 years trying to 'fix' someone hoping that they would 'get fixed' and fall head over heels in love with you and you'd get married and live happily ever after. Its time to realize this is not a healthy start to any relationship. And rarely does it work. And guess what, God has not forgiven this guy for anything. Forgiveness is a gift for people who choose to follow God, it is not given to everyone, regardless of their choices or who or what they choose to follow.
You're saying you think he's, more or less, afraid to admit and commit to how he feels about you. I say you're the one who's afraid. You spent 17 years of your life chasing after a dream that has no sign of ever coming true. This way, you're emotionally unavailable to any other relationship that will require GENUINE commitment and a sense of vulnerability. As long as you chase after this unobtainable goal, you never have to put yourself out there for anyone else to fail you. You know this guy will fail you over and over again. You know it, you expect it. You're probably used to it on some level. But no one else can hurt you like that. No one else can surprise you by letting you down or whatever. Because all your attention and focus is on something else.
And before you tell me this is God, i'm sorry, i don't buy it. If you knew how many times i've heard people swear up and down 'God' is directing them into a relationship only to have it blow up.. man. Most people i've seen use God as an excuse to justify doing what they want, even when others try to warn them, or talk them out of it. Who is going to argue with God?

Though I do agree with you, you could have gone about it in a much nicer way. There is a difference in being straight to the point and then being downright rude.

Avalon, I will pray for you and Tommy. None of us know more than God and you. We can tell you this or that but, I really want you to think about this. When someone loves another so deeply, they will do anything to be with them. This man who claims to love you, has not done that. People play tricks on other people to get what they want and need where ever and whenever. I have been used before and during that time, I never realized it. Men can say a lot of things to girls to make them believe what ever they want them to believe for their own benefit. No matter what any says to you about all this, you have been a good person to this man and maybe (I hope) one day he will come to realize this. Just please, do not be manipulated by this man any longer.

 

[zaoman32]

Though I do agree with you, you could have gone about it in a much nicer way. There is a difference in being straight to the point and then being downright rude.

That's just Ugly. And believe it or not some people won't respond to anything but that type of criticism. Just fyi.

 

[Ugly]

Though I do agree with you, you could have gone about it in a much nicer way. There is a difference in being straight to the point and then being downright rude.

Avalon, I will pray for you and Tommy. None of us know more than God and you. We can tell you this or that but, I really want you to think about this. When someone loves another so deeply, they will do anything to be with them. This man who claims to love you, has not done that. People play tricks on other people to get what they want and need where ever and whenever. I have been used before and during that time, I never realized it. Men can say a lot of things to girls to make them believe what ever they want them to believe for their own benefit. No matter what any says to you about all this, you have been a good person to this man and maybe (I hope) one day he will come to realize this. Just please, do not be manipulated by this man any longer.

I've lost count of the number of people who complain about the way i handle advice. Its really simple. If someone doesn't like how i respond there is an ignore feature.
I tire of Christians confusing truth with rudeness. And think coddling and enabling is the same thing as love. She wanted advice, i gave her advice. If she wanted to be coddled, or encouraged or whatever else, that's what she should have asked for.
But then again, you have no idea how she may have felt about my response. I have had many people thank me for my direct responses. Its a subjective matter. But it's always good to know i can count on coming to a Christian forum and constantly be insulted for being myself, all in the name of me being the rude one. Funny how people criticize me for being 'rude' (which i'm not). But i'll just add you, glittereater, as just one more person quick to criticize me and wear me down even more and be yet another in a line of discouraging and critical people i interact with.

 

[Fenner]

I agree with Ugly on this, his first post. I think this man is using you. I'm not trying to judge you, I'm telling you honestly from my perspective point that he's asking for money then taking off. That's not love that's abuse. I don't know what your friends are saying to you, but if they are saying, someone who loves you wouldn't treat you like that. They're right. I know we don't always want to hear the truth, but that's the truth. I hope you find the happiness you're searching for but I don't think it's him.

 

[Avalonjunky]

Actually my friends don't say much about it. My best friend, stays out of it because she says it's just best to let me make my own decisions... He's not asked me for money since he's been out of jail. He's employed now. And should he be unemployed he knows I won't give him money because there's no reason he can't hold down a job. We've already been down that road.