I'm 16 and my for the past two years or so, I've been having bad thoughts about my stepdad [I'm male btw]. I don't want these thoughts. They started off harmeless enough but they've gotten to the point that the thoughts are very [sexually] graphic and I feel like they are controlling my life. I wouldn't commit suicide over them because I don't want to go to Hell but I really need these thoughts to stop. I can't talk to my family about this stuff (for obvious reasons) but I have to do something. I've actually thought about the possibility of giving my stepdad pills to knock him out for a few hours so I could be with him and he wouldn't know it. I don't think I'd ever do it but just having the thought is scary. I identity as heterosexual, I have a girlfriend, I don't watch porn and I don't have any history of sexual abuse. I really love my stepdad. He's really the only member of my family that taks an interest in my life. My sibs don't really relate to me and my mom pays more attention to my sisters than me. I don't know what started these feelings or thoughts. I pray multiple times a day, I read the Bible and I go to church but it's been so long and I kinda feel like God isn't helping me and I feel guilty for thinking God is ignoring me because I know that He isn't. I believe He can do anything. I just wish He'd cut me even a small break. Like stopping my stepdad from walking around the house shirtless. Currently, I'm fasting to try and get rid of the thoughts but it's not working well. I just feel desperate and I don't know what else to do.