G
I feel trapped in this life- mentally, physically, situationally. I can accept the daily suffering but I can't accept the idea of God sitting by passively and allowing this, even if He doesn't cause it. He is all powerful and yet we are still left empty in many ways. It seems cheap and cruel. I really pray to die before I crash and spiral again and again in circles. I despise this cumbersome life. I've had my share of imprisonment, stripping, scourging, mocking, beating in my own ways, and I haven't fallen from the faith, but my will is gone. I've wanted to die for years and I pray and pray and never get a word, not even a prophetic word with substance. I can't take it. It's easy for people to tell me to suck it up, but that lack of empathy is not of God. My own mother told me I'm better off dead than living like this, and she's right. I pray it is the will of God to show His mercy and take my life. Let Him be glorified because Lord knows the mental torture, emptiness, and lack of direction are slowly killing me anyway. I feel the expiration date on my life is well over. God, I can't believe I'm still alive some days. Please pray it ends, truly. Is there any tangible mercy in Heaven above?