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I asked God to allow me to open a passage in the Bible that would pertain to me and be something that I need to read. I opened up to The Book of Job and my eyes started reading Chapter 17, and I didn't really like what I was reading, nor did I understand it fully. I tried again and opened to Ezekiel Chapter 28, or around there. I kept trying several times after that and basically came upon the same pages almost every time...now, keep in mind I was subconsciously trying to get somewhere in the the middle of the Bible, so that could explain why I kept getting the same pages, or around there but still, I read things that made me feel like I am a hypocrite and that I am going to essentially fall short of salvation in the end and be surrounded by the wicked. Strikes a little too close to home considering a lot of my friends could be classified as "wicked." Unfortunately, I don't have any other friends to talk to and am horrible at making them. I've given one family a prayer book to help them combat what I know is demonic activity in their home, and hopefully that will help. I also read something about speaking poorly of other people...I try hard not to but some days I lose it and am judgmental or angry or fall into temptation from time to time. I try hard but apparently I'm failing? One passage that I read was that I am surrounded by the wicked, but that my prayers are righteous. I always worry that my prayers are not righteous because I have OCD and intrusive thoughts, etc. But then it said something about how death is upon my eyelids and that I only have a few years left to live. I do feel unwell a lot of the time, particularly for someone as young as I am, and did have a medical crisis not too far in the past, but I don't know if that pertains to me, either. Am I misinterpreting what I've read? It was pretty scary and not as comforting as I would've hoped. Sometimes God scares me. I hear of testimonies of unconditional love and light, but sometimes what I read in the Bible is scary...perhaps man has failed to achieve the right words when describing God...or mistakes through translations? I also feel like hanging out with certain people is going to allow demons to enter my life by just being around those people....does pleading the Blood prevent that? I really have no other friends and sitting in the house without interaction is torturous. Sorry for the jumbled up, sometimes incoherent rant. All thoughts and insights into those passages are appreciated.
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