Im new here and joined for the reason of what I'm about to say. I'm 17. A little over a year ago me and this girl started dating. I had never had a girlfriend before and it was starting to bother me. I was always sad a downtrodden and bullied even though I went to a Christian school (it wasn't very Christian at all). All my other friends had girlfriends and looked and acted so happy and joyful and peaceful I didn't care what it was I wanted it. I was lonely, sad, felt forgotten and lost. I prayed every night for years that God would bless me. So about 3 years ago my friend started dating this girl and brought her to church and everything and I was supposed to date her friend I knew from elementary school. It didn't work and neither did my friend and this girl he said "it was too difficult". Before I move on if like to mention when something happens I have a bad habit of trying to make myself believe that it's been building up for years to make me more comfortable with it. Now fast forward to 2013. It was December, I was really depressed and I hate to say it but I had kinda decided if I didn't find anyone before 2014 I never would and I was gonna give up. I prayed Lord let someone text me right now and save me from what my mind so desperately wants me to do, and the girl my friend dated texted me and we just kinda talked for a while. That night at youth my friend said "yeah she's not a virgin but she's nice and you have a chance take it". I didn't really like this girl but I was desperate so I tried to tell myself I liked her back when I first met her which I guess I liked her more than the girl I was with because she talked to me more I don't really know. January 5 I ask her out. Honestly she lied to me and I thought she was someone else than who she really is and I caved in a lot of things that I don't really want to mention... Anyways her family stresses me out to the max I can't deal with them and I'm pretty sure they hate me. My family is upset because of how depressed and stressed I am because of how she acts and treats me. Since the beginning she has lied to me broken promises gone behind my back and always brings up something new from her past and we've been together a year and she still hasn't told me everything. She expects me to be all physically loving but I don't want to and she forces me she demands attention and if I don't give it she makes me miserable. I'm a leader in my youth group but she disowns me for trying to talk to people she doesn't like to get them to come to events or they're struggling. I regret what I've done and regret asking her out. As of now I feel like I'm only with her out of guilt for what I've done or the fact that any time I even hint at breaking up she cries and I disregard what I said just so I don't have to send her home crying which as a Christian I can't bring myself to do. She's a nice girl she's just very troubled and I feel like after so long its going to be too much for me to handle breaking up. Plus I feel scared in a way because with her I have the security of being with someone but without her I don't and that scares me because after being bullied so long I like to feel safe. I cannot deal with either path any longer however. Recently I was diagnosed with acute stress disorder which basically causes me to lose extreme amounts of weight be miserable all the time never sleep never feel good always be sick with something and be weak and drained all the time because I'm so stressed its slowly killing me. I really need help but I can't bring myself to do anything. Honestly right now I just want someone to talk to to comfort me and help me and talk to me. There was a girl that was talking to me on kik but she thinks I'm a creep because I said something along the lines of how beautiful she was even though she thought otherwise and later that night that at the moment I had a girlfriend which upset her greatly and she's yet to forgive. I just need someone to talk to or at least advice on what I should do. I have prayed non stop but i can't find peace. I know I should probably leave her but I'm too scared what do I do? And what should I do to comfort myself that I may not find someone else because of what I've now done? Not many girls want to date a Christian who hasn't really lived up to what he says he's about right.....someone just help me please....