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Heres one that may change that...Women talk a lot! Thus, men we can read into that that they need us to be verbal back! Verbal expression is vital to them . How many men in here talk more than the women in the relationship? see! So they need us to give in a way that nurtures them in conversation while we blank slate our brains and listen to their day. Listen to their needs in a way that gives them empathy it;s not a time log book they want it's a involved listening and sharing.This means put your leadership hat away men and be hushed and listen to them more. They want you to talk but only to show empathy and support her with unconditional love. I jest a bit there but I am serious. 1 Peter 3:7 shows us this. Her plight in life is different than ours we need to respect this men.
I think woman wants us to be honest and open too....Now for men I see a problem here, we can tell you what we are thinking but to be open up is like being in a room with chalk boards being scratched! No, not open! Please Slave, not even if you read that in scripture somewhere should you bring that up! You see, ladies this is an un said pack with men, we only open up to each other, not you. But Eph. 4:15 shows a real Christian man should. So, this isn't yelling at our wife time, telling her what we are thinking honestly but it's sharing with her who we are, the new-me part in Christ. This is God's cruel trick of accountability men. God wants as well as women to have men look them into their eyes and affirm their love to them and lift them up and open up to them, again men our significant other is not mommy and we need to step up to her and love her actively speak to her as a man who is overseeing her needs and one who is overseeing her right now! In this moment!
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Now this one most men would have said first. She wants us to build that house, bring in the bacon, be financially savvy, 1 Tim. 5:8 says we need to be the bread winners, most men get this ever since daddy gave us the tonka trucks as a kid and not the doll, but it may not be understood that it is actually also a love language. So, men do a load of laundry instead of getting her fat on a box of chocolates she will pay you back later...It's more work but it is a love language they hear the most!
I have to go to small group bible study but women also want a connection with us men in their biggest natural connection given by the motherhood gig, If motherhood is a gift that men will never have a Christian woman wants her man also to be apart of that, so Men we need to get close to the kids ourselves, no they are not called imps or simply junior try out those names you spent hours earlier deciding on while looking into each others eyes remember? Men have short memories too, but then you women remembered that already! Anyway men love your kids in an involved way. Not in a dollar bill kind of way. Play with them, talk with them develop a relationship with them that another thread would need to be created to get into completely, but honor her love language with this consideration as well....ok I'm off to group take care folks. see you later.
M
Listening is a very big part of it. Since God gave you understanding before, when other people could not, I think I would start by asking Him to help me understand women a little better, and open my eyes to the way that other people see things. I'm not sure how well I will be able to explain what I want to say, since you said you didn't understand when your girlfriend and your mom tried to explain the makeup thing, and they definitely know you better than I do. But I will give it a shot:
Men and women are different, as you know, and generally value different things about themselves, because they have different strengths and different roles. So if you say something that a lady perceives as an attack on something she values, she is going to feel hurt. This (I'm sure you know this part already) is what happened with your girlfriend and the makeup comment. She perceived your statement as an attack on her beauty, saying that her appearance was lacking and needed makeup to improve it until it was acceptable to be seen by your coworkers. What she heard when you made that statement was, "Dear, you're not good enough as you are."
Now, you do not personally need to value your own beauty in order to understand why she was offended. You need to realize that SHE values her beauty and wants to feel like she is acceptable to you, beautiful in your eyes, worthy to be seen by your coworkers as she is. In fact, I would say that most of these "little" hurts that don't make sense to you would make a little more sense if you see the deeper reason behind why they are hurtful.
Imagine an eye and an ear sitting together on a park bench, when a loud siren goes off. The ear is hurt, but the eye is unaffected. Similarly, the ear is unhurt by bright flashing lights, but the eye is affected. Men and women are different, just like the eye and the ear, but by observing and paying attention and listening to one another, they can have a better understanding of why flashing lights hurt the eye and loud noises hurt the ear.
People will sometimes react in a way that you perceive as accusatory, or defensive, or argumentative when they are HURT. Wait, why are they hurt? Those loud noises weren't painful! In fact, you didn't see a thing!
Men and women are different, as you know, and generally value different things about themselves, because they have different strengths and different roles. So if you say something that a lady perceives as an attack on something she values, she is going to feel hurt. This (I'm sure you know this part already) is what happened with your girlfriend and the makeup comment. She perceived your statement as an attack on her beauty, saying that her appearance was lacking and needed makeup to improve it until it was acceptable to be seen by your coworkers. What she heard when you made that statement was, "Dear, you're not good enough as you are."
Now, you do not personally need to value your own beauty in order to understand why she was offended. You need to realize that SHE values her beauty and wants to feel like she is acceptable to you, beautiful in your eyes, worthy to be seen by your coworkers as she is. In fact, I would say that most of these "little" hurts that don't make sense to you would make a little more sense if you see the deeper reason behind why they are hurtful.
Imagine an eye and an ear sitting together on a park bench, when a loud siren goes off. The ear is hurt, but the eye is unaffected. Similarly, the ear is unhurt by bright flashing lights, but the eye is affected. Men and women are different, just like the eye and the ear, but by observing and paying attention and listening to one another, they can have a better understanding of why flashing lights hurt the eye and loud noises hurt the ear.
People will sometimes react in a way that you perceive as accusatory, or defensive, or argumentative when they are HURT. Wait, why are they hurt? Those loud noises weren't painful! In fact, you didn't see a thing!
And there's your first mistake. Women aren't some mechanical structure meant to be broken down and figured out. Additionally, it's a little dehumanizing to talk about all women as if they are the same. We're not. The only conclusions you can come to are generalized conclusions...and what would you do with that? Impose them then on the women you meet?
"What? You don't need me to provide you financial security? ALL WOMEN WANT SECURITY."
Male Assessment: There must be something wrong with her as a woman.
Trust me...I've gotten this kind of stuff a lot from men. When I don't meet the hidden expectation they have, I am blamed and shamed and criticized for not matching whatever idealized standard of womanhood they have in their head.
Or, as one man once said regarding the complexity of women: Women are like the cockpit of a 747--IF EVERY 747 WAS DIFFERENT.
"What? You don't need me to provide you financial security? ALL WOMEN WANT SECURITY."
Male Assessment: There must be something wrong with her as a woman.
Trust me...I've gotten this kind of stuff a lot from men. When I don't meet the hidden expectation they have, I am blamed and shamed and criticized for not matching whatever idealized standard of womanhood they have in their head.
Or, as one man once said regarding the complexity of women: Women are like the cockpit of a 747--IF EVERY 747 WAS DIFFERENT.