6 days ago you said: "He revealed to me that they were running shoes and He was telling me it was time to run." but you could not run.(Running thread)
Also you said: " Several weeks ago He asked me to to pick up the pace in my spiritual life....I looked up to meet Jesus eyes which had never stopped looking at me, and as I took one running step towards Him, my foot broke free." (Where are you looking thread)
Using the word "confess" says, whatever you did is a sin. You also said: "David, for one, is one of my hero's. He's a royal screw up but God called him a man after His own heart. He loved the Lord and served Him always even when He did some of the most heinous things." (Post 9, Which bible Character thread). He was also the greatest musician of all time. We are still singing his songs 3000 years later.
Three posts on the same day.
Five hours before this post you wrote: "I woke up this morning and began cutting and scratching myself, but I stopped." (The great mercy of God thread) and 3 days ago you told us about PTSD.
You know I have been praying for you and that gift of yours to come to fulfillment since I saw your first post. You are so much like my wife (her Scriptural hero was Mary Magdalene) at your age, I can see it so clearly in you, and you can see in my website what God had for her. You know what to do. Stop worrying about leading worship in church and get back to the business of praising God in song, for an audience of One. You are a new creation, and your 10 years of leading worship is not even a drop in the ocean compared to what you are called to. Remember David, get those shoes on, pull free of that mud, and start running to the goal that Satan tried for your entire childhood to cover with all those problems and all that confusion. The answer is inside you: let your music minister to Him and He will minister to you. The PTSD is there, and the fatigue, but that's because your emotional makeup is strong for the mission God has for you. Read your own posts for the last week if you have to, maybe print them all out so you can see the answer in them. Step into your call, and watch the world start changing.