Ah, PD is awful. My father has it. Nothing more heartbreaking than seeing what has happened to him has ever touched my life yet. I even prayed that God give it to me instead of him because dad just...had struggles with idols in his life even though he loved God in a very childlike way. And when his decline began, his faith wasn't strong enough to keep him firm through his suffering. He never once denied Jesus but he was not prepared for this testing of his faith. Now he can barely talk and I've had some moments of anger at God because I see no purpose and don't know why He won't take him out of this world and this suffering. It's like...I can suffer my own physical problems but I can't stand to see him suffer. It tempts me to despair instead of trust, because I understand that this is all temporary and my heart is not here. I WANT to leave here and be where there aren't tears and suffering ever again. I am not attached to this place and don't see how anyone even can be. And I understand that without any suffering of any sort, He would not be able to detach our hearts from here and attach them instead on perfection with Him. But sometimes He seems to have gone far overboard, like with PD and the dragging out of suffering for so long for those with it. And for the suffering of those who have to watch it happen to their loved ones.
I understand that He tests our faith. I even understand that it's for my good, to grow it until it's unshakeable. And that this would be impossible without the tests of it. But it can so wear you down that you don't even know WHAT to pray except one thing over and over - have mercy on me, Lord, have mercy, hear my plea and have mercy and come to my aid somehow, whether it's stopping this or it's giving me understanding and peace with it and the power and strength to bear it, but I need something here and I need it now because I have no more strength and need SOME kind of mercy. Don't heal me, don't heal dad, fine. I'm okay with that and I trust You that You know what You're doing, I really DO trust You, but I need SOME kind of help and strength because I am exhausted and angry and bitter and empty and will remain that way until you have SOME kind of mercy on me.
I prayed for you and your wife yesterday. I'll pray again and continue. If you wait on Him, He might not answer in the way you want, but He will answer in the way that is best to prepare you to bear the weight of His glory in eternity. Lynn has asked me to pm her immediately if you come back in, so we have a cord here of three strands, brother - you, lynn and me. And a three-stranded cord is not easily broken and I'm not a pretty prayer but I know how to street brawl pray and I will not stop until you say you have received mercy and strength in this in some way, whichever way He sees fit to bring it. Okay, I'm going to let lynn know you came back because we were both very anxious to speak with you and then go to our prayer closets until He answers in some way for you. Let's caterwaul and carry on until He is pleased to bring what you need, brother. Because we know He is always pleased to answer our need.