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My name is Shannon, and I am 23 years old. I have been married for 2 years, off and on. I have a 1 year old daughter, named Allura. I am seeking advice on my marital situation from someone who values the Lord, and the Bible. I am at a lost. I have been dedicated to the Lord for about a year now, and have almost turned my life around completely, with the exception of a few things. My marriage. I don’t know if I should stay. When I met my husband 3 years ago, he was addicted to drugs. I felt sorry for him, and tried to help him. We were inseperatable. He did some very bad things to me, stole from me, cheated on me, and emotionally abused me. I stayed, and eventually married him. He sobered up, and we had our first child. Since then, he has made promises about being the person he knows he should be. We do attend church together, and he says his intentions are good. Sometimes I don’t believe him. My entire family thinks he is using me, because he refuses to get a job. He has “babysat” my daughter almost her entire life while I’ve worked a job, and even two jobs. She barely knows me, and clings to him. It makes me sad. His main excuse for not working is having a criminal record, and it stopping him from getting hired. That said, he’s been employed twice and quit each job because it was “too hard” and “too hot outside”. (Two outdoor jobs, car cash and painting). Now, he sits at home while I work, and plays video games all day. When I get home from work, he doesn’t stop playing the video games, and tells me to “go upstairs” if I want to watch T.V. We don’t kiss, we don’t touch, we don’t even talk most of the time. He refuses to stop the usage of “synthetic marijuana” even though I’ve voiced to him I’m against it- And he drinks every other night (a beer or two). I am not allowed to talk to my family, without him snickering and saying something judgemental about it. I’ve told him how all these things bother me ,and he blames me. I suffer from anxiety, and depression and have stressed him out a little, I admit. But one of the reasons I have so much anxiety and depression is because all the weight is on me. I’m not a millionare. I make 10.50/hour, and am expected to support a household on that. And since the birth of my daughter, I have had several medical problems that my husband claims are “all in my head”. I’ve had a rapid pulse, exhaustion, ovarian cysts, other female problems, and also my wisdom teeth are growing in sideways causing lots of pressure on my head, which makes me grind my teeth in my sleep. They’ve already cracked in half, and I’m at risk for infection and losing all of my teeth yet he does nothing. I have dental insurance through my employer and it would only cost $130 to get them removed, yet I don’t have the extra money and he says it’s my parents fault for not getting them out in my teens. He tells me to stop complaining and don’t talk to him about my medical problems anymore. To get over it.
We separated last year because I found out he relapsed on drugs. Shortly after, I found out he had been talking to an ex-girlfriend and he completely stopped talking to me. I was angry, and did something really bad. I had an encounter with someone else. We were separated, but not divorced. Before we got back together, I told him about it and he decided to still be with me. He swears he has not had physical contact with his ex, but I don’t know if he’s lying. So he brings this up constantly, telling me and everyone else that I “cheated” on him, and it makes me feel so horrible.
This is why he justifies everything he does, because he says I have to prove myself to him.
Well…I’m exhausted. I am barely breathing. And I feel bad for the thought about leaving him, divorcing him, and God being angry with me for it.
That he may perhaps be homeless if I do, but I don’t know what the right answer is anymore.
I’ve sought out church with him, and counseling and nothing lasts or really changes him. All the weight in upon my shoulders, and he doesn’t seem to care. Am I being selfish? Does anyone have any advice for me?
Thank you.
We separated last year because I found out he relapsed on drugs. Shortly after, I found out he had been talking to an ex-girlfriend and he completely stopped talking to me. I was angry, and did something really bad. I had an encounter with someone else. We were separated, but not divorced. Before we got back together, I told him about it and he decided to still be with me. He swears he has not had physical contact with his ex, but I don’t know if he’s lying. So he brings this up constantly, telling me and everyone else that I “cheated” on him, and it makes me feel so horrible.
This is why he justifies everything he does, because he says I have to prove myself to him.
Well…I’m exhausted. I am barely breathing. And I feel bad for the thought about leaving him, divorcing him, and God being angry with me for it.
That he may perhaps be homeless if I do, but I don’t know what the right answer is anymore.
I’ve sought out church with him, and counseling and nothing lasts or really changes him. All the weight in upon my shoulders, and he doesn’t seem to care. Am I being selfish? Does anyone have any advice for me?
Thank you.