Let me know what you think about the bible and marriage

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

JohnB

Well-known member
Jul 31, 2022
2,078
456
83
Calif
#21
How was it a mistake? And, too late for what? :unsure:
They had more kids than they could afford to care for. No where in the bible does it say GOD will decide how many kids you have.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,897
26,058
113
#22
They had more kids than they could afford to care for. No where in the bible does it say GOD will decide how many kids you have.
Thank you for clarifying :) Scripture does say that children are a blessing, and also:
"Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." <= 'Them' being children ;)

I have ten siblings :D
 

JohnB

Well-known member
Jul 31, 2022
2,078
456
83
Calif
#24
Thank you for clarifying :) Scripture does say that children are a blessing, and also:
"Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." <= 'Them' being children ;)

I have ten siblings :D
There was a time when families were big, not today. They may not have had contraceptives at the time. They also did not have the pill. My mother had 6 kids. You wouldn't do that today.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,897
26,058
113
#25
There was a time when families were big, not today. They may not have had contraceptives at the time. They also did not have the pill. My mother had 6 kids. You wouldn't do that today.
We have a member here who is carrying her eighth child... but you are right. Our culture does not do that any more, and even when I was young, a large family such as my own was not the norm by any stretch of the imagination. In my parents' generation, perhaps it was more of a norm. My own father had eleven siblings. My parents were practicing Roman Catholics, so that surely played into the choices they made. Most of my siblings who have children only had two; one had four, and I have one :D
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,897
26,058
113
#26
Correction! She has eight children already, and is carrying her ninth :)
 

JohnB

Well-known member
Jul 31, 2022
2,078
456
83
Calif
#27
We have a member here who is carrying her eighth child... but you are right. Our culture does not do that any more, and even when I was young, a large family such as my own was not the norm by any stretch of the imagination. In my parents' generation, perhaps it was more of a norm. My own father had eleven siblings. My parents were practicing Roman Catholics, so that surely played into the choices they made. Most of my siblings who have children only had two; one had four, and I have one :D
Way too many times Christians use the words "I'm going to let GOD decide" as an excuse for not using their GOD given brain. I've have people tell me they were going to let GOD choose their spouse. You can bet if a multi-millionaire walked in the church over half the women would be running after him as GOD's choice.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,089
1,750
113
#28
The idea of waiting until you are 25–30 years of age is NOT Biblical. The modern American practice of delaying marriage until 30 has led to an epidemic of fornication, relationship breakups, broken hearts, STD's, wedlock births, and other disastrous problems that could be easily solved if we allowed early marriage.

we should NEVER read the Bible from the perspective of a modern-day American. Why? God is NOT an American, and American values are not necessarily Biblical values. Just because something is very American, that does not mean that the Bible approves of it.

This is why I say, study to show yourself approved. You have to look at the verses, the history and culture behind them.
The Bible doesn't specify a certain age.

But those raging hormones hit before 25, and if marriage is an anecdote to reduce fornication, then waiting till 25 is disadvantageous.

Statistically, I hear couples who marry young are more likely to divorce. But other factors like regular church attendance for example correspond with lower divorce rates. I wonder what the divorce rate is for couples who marry young, but are really devout in their faith and hold to certain values that do not allow for affairs or divorce.

For younger marriages, they might be well prepared if both know and embrace their Biblical role in marriage--if both embrace a Biblical view of marriage and are devoted to abstaining from adultery, porn use, etc., if the husband is very serious about loving his wife as Christ loved the church, and honoring her, and the wife is very devoted to submitting to her husband and reverencing him. If they both go into it seeking to obey Biblical teachings on defrauding one another, that can help. Also, if they had some tutelage and guidance from their parents in selecting a mate, assuming parents are godly and wise, that could greatly help. If they had a community around them giving them godly advise after marriage, that could help also. There is an economic issue of the cost of living and the low income levels many have at the younger ages. Dad doesn't usually set them up with some land for a family farm in this day and age. The dominant culture in the US doesn't really align very well with some of these things.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,089
1,750
113
#29
I am surprised at some Pastors. I remember talking to one woman at church and a Pastor told her to wait on the LORD for a spouse. Let the LORD pick your spouse. I showed her Numbers 36:6 "This is what the LORD commands for Zelophehad’s daughters: They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry within their father’s tribal clan. " She got a big smile on her face and said she would show that to the Pastor. I told her, don't let him get around this by telling you to give it back to the LORD. That isn't what the verse says.

I've heard Christian couples say, they were going to let the LORD decide how many children they would have. After 5 kids they realize they made a big mistake. But it was too late.
That sounds awful. I hope they didn't say that around child number 5.

When I was thinking of marriage, a friend of mine who was married and 40 asked if we planned to use birth control after we got married. I told him I would just not worry about it and see how many kids we had. He said that's what we did, and I've got five kids, five.

I don't think he regretted having the five kids. Knowing him, he was just being clever. We like kids. I enjoyed the process of 'making' them, and I think my wife did, too, at least the first step in the process.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,089
1,750
113
#30
Raging hormones do not care about anyone's biblical view. it's a fact of life and in the time of Jesus they handled it right. Get married young. Just because two people are believers, do not make them a match.
I heard in Jesus' day, men would save up and prepare for marriage until they got to be about 30, then marry a teenager. That's the supposed cultural background I have heard about Joseph and Mary. Their culture might have considered women to be more sexually driven than men, and focused more on sex as a woman's right in marriage, or so I have read.

My guess is that there was likely some variety when it came to ages of marriage back then.
 

JohnB

Well-known member
Jul 31, 2022
2,078
456
83
Calif
#31
That sounds awful. I hope they didn't say that around child number 5.

When I was thinking of marriage, a friend of mine who was married and 40 asked if we planned to use birth control after we got married. I told him I would just not worry about it and see how many kids we had. He said that's what we did, and I've got five kids, five.

I don't think he regretted having the five kids. Knowing him, he was just being clever. We like kids. I enjoyed the process of 'making' them, and I think my wife did, too, at least the first step in the process.
Not everyone can afford to take care of 5 kids, some people could not take the mental stress. How many kids you have is up to you, not GOD.
 

JohnB

Well-known member
Jul 31, 2022
2,078
456
83
Calif
#32
The Bible doesn't specify a certain age.

But those raging hormones hit before 25, and if marriage is an anecdote to reduce fornication, then waiting till 25 is disadvantageous.

Statistically, I hear couples who marry young are more likely to divorce. But other factors like regular church attendance for example correspond with lower divorce rates. I wonder what the divorce rate is for couples who marry young, but are really devout in their faith and hold to certain values that do not allow for affairs or divorce.

For younger marriages, they might be well prepared if both know and embrace their Biblical role in marriage--if both embrace a Biblical view of marriage and are devoted to abstaining from adultery, porn use, etc., if the husband is very serious about loving his wife as Christ loved the church, and honoring her, and the wife is very devoted to submitting to her husband and reverencing him. If they both go into it seeking to obey Biblical teachings on defrauding one another, that can help. Also, if they had some tutelage and guidance from their parents in selecting a mate, assuming parents are godly and wise, that could greatly help. If they had a community around them giving them godly advise after marriage, that could help also. There is an economic issue of the cost of living and the low income levels many have at the younger ages. Dad doesn't usually set them up with some land for a family farm in this day and age. The dominant culture in the US doesn't really align very well with some of these things.
I wish someone in the church would have advised me, when I was in my 30's, to get married. That would have been Paul's and Jesus advice, but I did not know it at the time.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,089
1,750
113
#34
Not everyone can afford to take care of 5 kids, some people could not take the mental stress. How many kids you have is up to you, not GOD.
Genesis 30
1 And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.
2 And Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God's stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?

Couples can choose to copulate. But they don't even have complete control over the physical ability to do that. We are created beings, and we did not create ourselves. And if they choose to do so, they aren't in control over conception. God empowered our bodies to do that, and some wombs are closed. Some men are infertile.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,089
1,750
113
#35
Their age was "zero" - the day they were created. ;)
God presented the woman to the man.

Genesis 2
22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He [h]made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
(NKJV)
 

GaryA

Truth, Honesty, Love, Courage
Aug 10, 2019
9,085
3,969
113
mywebsite.us
#36
God presented the woman to the man.

Genesis 2
22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He [h]made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
(NKJV)
Yes - that is what I am referring to - see verse 25...
 

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
1,012
546
113
#39
JohnB Can I ask have you been married before? and if you believe what you strongly believe then why are you not married now?
 

proverbs35

Senior Member
Nov 10, 2012
825
239
43
#40
Research shows that people who marry young are more likely to divorce than those who married at older ages.
We no longer live in the 1950s, so those stats have changed dramatically.

Many baby boomers married young, divorced, remarried and so on. The rate of divorce after age 50 has doubled in the US since 1990. Many people who married young and stayed together for decades are divorcing. This trend is called Gray divorce. Australia, Canada, India and the United Kingdom are experiencing the Gray divorce trend.

Marrying young does not guarantee a satisfied, quality and healthy marriage.

Instead of telling people what age to marry whether it be young or older, I believe the church should emphasize the MUTUAL work that it takes to foster a quantitative and qualitative union. Marriage is not a fairy tale. Marriage is a job with no breaks, off days or vacations.

I strongly believe that if Christians were taught to have realistic expectations about the WORK that each spouse should be putting into the marriage, people would make better informed decisions about who to marry and when to marry. I believe that well informed and intentional decision marriage would ultimately lead to more qualitative and quantitative unions.

https://www.thetrumpet.com/21750-the-tragedy-of-gray-divorce-its-not-about-finances