Is there a better way to do this?

[Depleted]

1. New person joins CC and immediately writes a "my marriage is over" post on the Christian Family Forum.

2. People respond in different ways.

3. New person reacts or doesn't.

4. New person disappears.

5. The post may or may not keep going.

6. New person joins CC and immediately writes a "my marriage is over" post on the Christian Family Forum.

What has been accomplished? Why bother? Why repeat? When was the last time the new person actually stuck around after posting that thread? Is there a better way to do this?

 

[blue_ladybug]

Yes there is. Just see how much time elapses between when the thread is posted, and when you reply. If the OP hasn't returned within a week, then don't post (again).

 

[resurrection33]

1. New person joins CC and immediately writes a "my marriage is over" post on the Christian Family Forum.

2. People respond in different ways.

3. New person reacts or doesn't.

4. New person disappears.

5. The post may or may not keep going.

6. New person joins CC and immediately writes a "my marriage is over" post on the Christian Family Forum.

What has been accomplished? Why bother? Why repeat? When was the last time the new person actually stuck around after posting that thread? Is there a better way to do this?

Each person who joins this site is a unique individual. I would guess some people are hurting really bad and join this site hoping we can help. Maybe most of them give up after a day. I don't know. It's fun to try to help, though, isn't it?

 

[Miri]

The problem is desperate people are looking for answers, they assume we
have them. It's sad that we don't.

Maybe the responses should be to direct people to the one who does have all the
answers - the way the truth and the life.

What would Jesus say.

Too often people get a - serves you right, or just leave him, or what do you expect
kind of a response, or been there done that etc.

People in hopeless situations need hope. It's sad that we don't know how to give
them hope.

Maybe the problem is us (me included) not them.

 

[Depleted]

The problem is desperate people are looking for answers, they assume we
have them. It's sad that we don't.

Maybe the responses should be to direct people to the one who does have all the
answers - the way the truth and the life.

What would Jesus say.

Too often people get a - serves you right, or just leave him, or what do you expect
kind of a response, or been there done that etc.

People in hopeless situations need hope. It's sad that we don't know how to give
them hope.

Maybe the problem is us (me included) not them.

The problem I see is they already have the answer resolved in their minds. Once our mind is made up, what is the purpose of seeking others' opinions?

 

[Depleted]

Each person who joins this site is a unique individual. I would guess some people are hurting really bad and join this site hoping we can help. Maybe most of them give up after a day. I don't know. It's fun to try to help, though, isn't it?

Not really. I'm an empathizer, so it might well hurt me longer than most. I still remember some from last year and wonder if they survived our "great advice."

 

[Miri]

The problem I see is they already have the answer resolved in their minds. Once our mind is made up, what is the purpose of seeking others' opinions?

Maybe, and some might want to justify their position, but others can be genuinely
seeking answers.

 

[BurlyCarl]

They know the Answer. They need permission or validation. I'm guessing?

 

[notuptome]

There are a couple different ways to look at this problem. One most posters here are far from qualified to give marital counseling. Many are responding from personal experiences they have many of which have not produced successful outcomes.

In an ideal world these things would be kept more private and addressed by mature Christians who are able to offer more impartial biblical advice.

Basically the same thing for those who come here seeking how to be saved.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[resurrection33]

Not really. I'm an empathizer, so it might well hurt me longer than most. I still remember some from last year and wonder if they survived our "great advice."

If we can even help one person, it's worth it, isn't it?

 

[Kaydee]

Hi, been reading through the responses to this thread. I admit I'm a newbie here...going through my third divorce, and just needing a safe place to vent a little. Prayers are always appreciated, and I hope I can get to a place where I can offer some encouragement and prayer and comfort to others who are hurting and just need a listening ear. I don't feel I'm at that place yet. If someone sees my thread and doesn't care to read it or to respond, that is their option. Yes, in an ideal world, these things would be kept more private. In an ideal world my FIRST marriage would not have had the challenges that eventually would shatter it. I first posted a little about my reason for joining this site in the getting acquainted thread, then several posters suggested I use the family thread, which I did. Sorry if it seemed to annoy some. I didn't see a thread dedicated only to those who are going through divorce. My third marriage is over...for me it is yet another dark and tragic place in my life...I know my Lord and Savior will walk with me through this, and carry me if I need Him too. If He is my only true friend in this life, then He is enough.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Hi, been reading through the responses to this thread. I admit I'm a newbie here...going through my third divorce, and just needing a safe place to vent a little. Prayers are always appreciated, and I hope I can get to a place where I can offer some encouragement and prayer and comfort to others who are hurting and just need a listening ear. I don't feel I'm at that place yet. If someone sees my thread and doesn't care to read it or to respond, that is their option. Yes, in an ideal world, these things would be kept more private. In an ideal world my FIRST marriage would not have had the challenges that eventually would shatter it. I first posted a little about my reason for joining this site in the getting acquainted thread, then several posters suggested I use the family thread, which I did. Sorry if it seemed to annoy some. I didn't see a thread dedicated only to those who are going through divorce. My third marriage is over...for me it is yet another dark and tragic place in my life...I know my Lord and Savior will walk with me through this, and carry me if I need Him too. If He is my only true friend in this life, then He is enough.

THIRD divorce? Wow.. Maybe you shouldn't ever get married again. God seems to want you single for some reason.

 

[Depleted]

Hi, been reading through the responses to this thread. I admit I'm a newbie here...going through my third divorce, and just needing a safe place to vent a little. Prayers are always appreciated, and I hope I can get to a place where I can offer some encouragement and prayer and comfort to others who are hurting and just need a listening ear. I don't feel I'm at that place yet. If someone sees my thread and doesn't care to read it or to respond, that is their option. Yes, in an ideal world, these things would be kept more private. In an ideal world my FIRST marriage would not have had the challenges that eventually would shatter it. I first posted a little about my reason for joining this site in the getting acquainted thread, then several posters suggested I use the family thread, which I did. Sorry if it seemed to annoy some. I didn't see a thread dedicated only to those who are going through divorce. My third marriage is over...for me it is yet another dark and tragic place in my life...I know my Lord and Savior will walk with me through this, and carry me if I need Him too. If He is my only true friend in this life, then He is enough.

You get it. Yes, there are dark horrible times in our lives. Yes, that is a reason to reach out to whoever you can find. Yes, it is a way of feeling safer, and a way of not feeling so absolutely alone. And, it's a place to give what you get.

What bothers me is those who take without giving anything in return. It's not a ME site. It's an US site. And when we hurt, it's good to receive. But even depleted, it's good to give what God gives us to give. He always gives more.

 

[Kaydee]

I have no desire to remarry once this divorce is final. I know He has a purpose for calling me out of the marriage and back to my home state. Several events in the last couple years have shown me this is where He wants me to be, for now.

 

[Kaydee]

I try not to judge why someone might post or visit a site like this briefly then disappear. We are all broken people, some more than others. Some able to give more than others. Maybe after posting a person feels a check in their spirit about posting here again, or maybe they found the advice and support they needed on another similar site.

 

[MadParrotWoman]

I think often the person posting doesn't see the answer they were hoping for. Maybe they want us to tell them to give up on a marriage but that would mean we'd be doing the enemy's work so we are unable to tell them what they long to see posted. Just because they don't respond doesn't mean they don't read our comments - they could even be encouraged by them...hopefully/prayerfully.

Often people don't join CC to remain here but just join to seek advice to a particular problem, it is important for us to speak from God's point of view with love and not our own personal opinions - or as I said before the enemy's.

 

[Fenner]

I try not to judge why someone might post or visit a site like this briefly then disappear. We are all broken people, some more than others. Some able to give more than others. Maybe after posting a person feels a check in their spirit about posting here again, or maybe they found the advice and support they needed on another similar site.

I'm sorry Kd. I hope moving back to your home state brings you happiness.

 

[Depleted]

I think often the person posting doesn't see the answer they were hoping for. Maybe they want us to tell them to give up on a marriage but that would mean we'd be doing the enemy's work so we are unable to tell them what they long to see posted. Just because they don't respond doesn't mean they don't read our comments - they could even be encouraged by them...hopefully/prayerfully.

Often people don't join CC to remain here but just join to seek advice to a particular problem, it is important for us to speak from God's point of view with love and not our own personal opinions - or as I said before the enemy's.

I check to see if they even read the advice. Usually no more than for a single day. Sometimes they don't even come back. And sometimes they come back 2-3 days.

 

[Fenner]

I don't know if there is a better way to do this. There are a lot of sad people that come through here. I wish the world was a kinder place.

 

[oldethennew]

Jesus has assured us that it is all about the 'seed', if He gives us one to plant..