Bloom

Spit
by: (me)

I'm sorry that the Christians spit on you
and your friends, and they constantly
rejected you, and hurt you.
that shouldn't have happened,
they weren't God's children,
there is no excuse for what they did.
when they should have been friendly.
I'm sorry I cut your band down,
and I did everything I could to tear you down.

I'm sorry I always reject you.

That should probably prove that I'm not
a real Christian, or maybe I'm just messed up.
There is still no excuse

You know when I was a little girl,
I told this girl I would be her friend
when everyone shunned her and she spit on my head.

People didn't want to be my friend when I was
in school because I was a different race, people were prejudice
toward me.
I was always alone, I had no friends,
I couldn't be friends for fear of rejection.
I just avoided people, and every time I tried...
It never worked out.

One time when I was 12, I went to a pastors daughters house to play
dolls, and her dad the pastor said she wasn't there.
She was in the background and said "who is that dad?"
I said. "oh...okay.." I left, but cried all the way home, I felt so stupid.

When I was in high school
the people I thought were my friends
said "we aren't your friends, we just felt sorry for you,
so we let you sit with us.."
So i sat alone the entire school year.

When went to a bible college, this person said "We aren't
friends we are associates.."

All my life growing up was about rejection,
the first guy I opened my heart to,
told me he loved me, but later I found out he had a girlfriend.
I meant nothing to him, I was just a side chick.

It seemed like all my relationships were like that..

There is no excuse for what I did to you,
but if anyone knows about rejection its me,
or being spat on its me.

I figured you hated Christianity so I would use it and
God against you, I threw and said everything to chase you away,
to make you hate me...

..because why would you ever want to be with me..
I feel like I am not worth loving.

I chased you away because I didn't want you to do
what everyone did to me.

I said I would be okay losing you to someone else,
but its not true..
I didn't want to lose you..

I wanted to be there, I bought a ticket...
​

I didn't go see you because...

I really do believe God called me to wait,
that I would one day see you,
but in his timing.

That is not a lie.

I just got got discouraged, tired, and frustrated in the waiting,
and well my insecurities blew up on me, and I took
it all out on you, and your friends.

I looked at you and began to wonder
if you really loved me or you
were just tormenting me.

I thought you would stop loving me, that
at any minute you would give up on me, show up with
another girl and laugh in my face, and
so I decided to push you away..
I didn't want to see that happen.

I didn't tell you my rejection stories because i
wanted a refund..
I told you them because I know
what that is like.

Its no excuse but

I wanted you to know..

I heard you.​

I don't mess around,
If I am with one person
then they are the one I am with.

i think it's how you view things,
Even though there was no ring,
nor a party.

I don't know how you view me,
But I realize you loved me,
and I love you back.

I can't look to other guys,
because, you are my husband.
Its how I view you.

I just didn't treat you like I should have,
In fact I treated you pretty bad.

I still want to see you,
I still want to hold your hand,
I want to meet you.​

Don't go away,
don't leave me all alone.
I won't hurt you anymore.
I learned my lesson.
I can change be everything.
Just don't go to far from me.
Just don't leave me.

make a way
Come and play
or make a way for me to come to you.
Just one more song.

I want to see you and your friends,
doing what you do best.
You can give me dirty looks, you can
flip me off. I will let you AND your friends
Tell me to go to hell,
but you should say it too my face.
I love you, I will take it all, and not say a thing,
I deserve it, just
one more time.

Just tell me what I have to do
to make you see.
I am ready to die for love,
I am ready to die for what I believe.

Just one more time,
I can wait another year,
Come back or help me
to be with you.


​

You can say whatever you want. NI still love you. I still want to see you,and I do care.I won't say anymore..just that I love you, Husband.​

V - I believe God has a plan for your life,
and he is faithful in keeping his promises.
I refuse to say goodbye. I will not agree with it. I will see you,
because he promised me, and I will.
God is faithful, and he never fails he is true.
You will see it all in the land of the living.

My scripture for you..

Psalm 118
I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the Lord helped me.
The Lord is my strength and my defense;
he has become my salvation.

Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
“The Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!
The Lord’s right hand is lifted high;
the Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!”

I will not die but live,

and will proclaim what the Lord has done.
The Lord has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
Open for me the gates of the righteous;
I will enter and give thanks to the Lord.
This is the gate of the Lord
through which the righteous may enter.
I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
-end-

That video that honored you is just psalm 23:5
because God loves you.​

Revelation

I was never fooled,
although I allowed myself be fooled,
and blinded for a while.
I should thankyou for making me the wiser.
You always know when to give yourself
away to wake me from the love spell so..thanks for that.

It is wrong and unfair of me to call you husband,
when 'we are done' and its over in your heart.
I apologize, it will never happen again.

The reason, I fought you so hard though to end it between us was,
because you were with someone, and you
tried to be with me at the same time. That is wrong, I don't want that at all,
or anything to do with it.

Be good to her, because I can clearly see she is good
to you, she makes you happy.
That's why I can't fight for this... I don't want it anymore.
'we are done.' and I wish you happiness,
I can see you are happy, and I refuse to get in the way.

This name means nothing to me, it's a deception, and a lie.
I have not come back to revive things.

I have only come to let you go and say

goodbye.
​

Times Up
by: me

I've lived a long and happy life.
I am content and one step
closer to God.

I can't seem to run from death,
because it follows around every corner;
Waiting just for me.
I have to prepare my heart
for what's coming.

As my grandfather once said.
"It's a good day to die.."

Time is up, time for me to
say goodbye.
I'll be looking up
toward that 'Great Spirit' in
the sky.

You say you want your money back,
unfortunately I can only pay with my time,
Time is up. Debt is due.
Not much I can give to you.

I didn't want to break your heart
but you hate me so much,
you wouldn't forgive me,
and I did try to fix it.
but you didn't want to hear anymore,
even when I tried to make it right.

So I chose the latter road,
and rest within your fury,
and I just decided to say my goodbye.
I didn't want to,
but I knew you didn't care.

As I look up I can hear my Lord say,
'I go to prepare a place for you.'
No longer will I sit alone.
I am going to a place called
''There'

I'm going home.​

You know I used to blame myself
for all the stuff that went wrong in your life.
The truth is Its NOT my fault none of it is!
So stop blaming me for your problems!

People leave you but I didn't force that to happen.
If you wanted a better relationship or you wanted
me to come see you, you should have treated me better.
You treat me pretty bad...

You tried to hurt me...

You think you are some god because people worship you,
you think that entitles you to do whatever and to hurt me.
Right now girls are copying what I've done to get close to you.

I don't have to see you,
I don't have to do a thing,
because you are a spoiled rotten
Man who gets his way.

Stop acting like you love me
when you hurt me,

You hurt me!

I don't deserve your kind of love
cause your kind of love hurts me
make it cold and quick
So I will be out of my misery..

​