Should Christians Lie?

[CrimsonRoses89]

I know the obvious answer to this question is no, of course not. But hear meowt.

When someone asks "How are you?" All people ever seem to say is "I'm fine" or "I'm good" and then they return the question, and if you answer with anything other than "I'm also fine" or "I'm also good" or something along those lines, well.. that's not acceptable. I want to be able to ask "how are you?" and get a freaking honest response for once. No one is "fine" 100% of the time. I've noticed that a lot of times if I'm with my Christian friends, here or in person (i know those of you who know me seriously doubt that i have friends in person lol) they are often just astounded that I would dare be anything less than fantastic. In fact sometimes they're so surprised they're downright offended, asking how on earth i could be "depressed" or "unhappy" or whatever other emotion I might venture to admit to having. I've been told that having ptsd is a result of living in sin, not of any kind of trauma, and i should 'get over it.' I get all sorts of hurtful responses when I'm honest about what's going on in my life. I've been blocked on facebook, publicly called out, and made fun of, all by Christians who are supposed to be showing the love of Christ. It's not like I meet a new person and say "Hi, I'm Christine, I'm depressed. How are you?" These are friends I've had for a long time, people in church i grew up around, the pastor of the church i grew up in.

On the other hand, the best support, and most caring friends i've ever had were not christian. I was honest with them, and they were honest with me, if i asked how they were i knew i could expect an honest answer. The bible tells us that we as Christians are supposed to support one another, we're all members of the same Body, we're supposed to support one another. But instead we're tearing one another down and forcing one another to bear their turmoil in silence, alone. Sometimes i need to reach out to someone, and just know that i'm not alone, but how can i do that if everyone else has their smiley masks on?

What are your thoughts on the subject? Should we just keep our smiling masks forward, and eventually we'll die and go to heaven and be okay? Should we be honest with one another? The obvious answer is "Oh, tell the truth! Christians shouldn't lie!" but is that really how you feel? If you take an honest minute and think about it, how do you respond when someone asks how you are? If everyone thinks your "fine" how can they reach out to you when they're not? If you think you're being strong to say "i'm fine" when you're really not fine, you're wrong. Instead of being someone that person can relate to you've become another smiling mask.

 

[Lynx]

The second thing that comes to mind is a song by Casting Crowns, "Stained Glass Masquerade."

The first thing that comes to mind is this poem:

[h=1]The Shape I Am In[/h]

There's nothing the matter with me,
I'm just as healthy as can be,
I have arthritis in both knees,
And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak, my blood is thin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.

All my teeth have had to come out,
And my diet I hate to think about.
I'm overweight and I can't get thin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
And arch supports I need for my feet...
Or I wouldn't be able to go out in the street.
Sleep is denied me night after night,
But every morning I find I'm all right.
My memory's failing, my head's in a spin...
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.

Old age is golden I've heard it said,
But sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
And my glasses on a shelf, until I get up.
And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself,
Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?

The reason I know my Youth has been spent,
Is my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!
But really I don't mind, when I think with a grin,
Of all the places my get-up has been.

I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
Pick up the paper and read the obits.
If my name is missing, I'm therefore not dead,
So I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed.

The moral of this as the tale unfolds,
Is that for you and me, who are growing old....
It is better to say "I'm fine" with a grin,
Than to let people know the shape we are in.
​

 

[Lynx]

In the south, which I'm in (Tennessee) people say "How ya doing?" without stopping for an answer. I don't think they even think about what they are saying. It's just another greeting. Then again, sometimes when I say hi to someone he answers as though I said how ya doing. "Howdy." "Just fine." What?

I have two standard answers for "How ya doing?"

"I'm doing crazy, just crazy, thanks. But I seem to be the happy kind so I'm having fun with it."

"I'm doing terrible, thanks."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm actually doing fine. But everyone says fine when you ask how they're doing. Too normal for me."

Both are designed to get a laugh, and I admit neither reply is very informative. But they didn't really want to know how I was doing when they asked. "How ya doing?" is just one of those things people say. You can tell by how they react if you really tell them how you're doing.



One last thought: If you do tell people how you're really doing, be sure to include the good with the bad. Too many people only tell the bad in their lives because it's human nature to focus on what we think is going wrong.

 

[Ugly]

Asking how someone is doing is just a greeting anymore. Not an inquiry into their life. It's no different than hello or hi. So people respond with an equally generic response.
If you truly want to know how someone is doing rather than expecting a generic greeting to be interpreted as a genuine inquiry, separate from the greeting?

 

[blue_ladybug]

In one tiny word, NO..

 

[PeterJens]

Hey, you are 100% correct. This is what they call emotional intelligence. People should say what is appropriate and be honest, except when it realised the answer will not be understood. Few know what depression is, or trauma, or stress.
My wife after her mother had died aged 21, two weeks after the funeral had someone come up to them and say, not over it yet. It was not intentional, they had no clue how devastating this situation is and takes up to 10 years not to feel pain.
A pastor I knew claimed until his 30's he had never felt depression or long term sadness. He just did not understand it.
To these people "I am fine" is like saying, I know you do not understand or can help me, so I am fine, I do not need your help and do not wish to cause confusion. So you are not being dishonest, the phrase means something else, which is sad in some ways but as your experience shows true.

 

[PeterJens]

I started on a quest years ago to which I have found an answer.
Our emotions inside ourselves are our record of how we are coping and reacting the world around us. The problem starts when we start to ignore the emotions and just show what we think is an acceptable face on the surface, or what people call a mask.
The more we dislocate the two realities the more lost we become. Who are we if we do not know why or what we feel about anything anymore.
Jesus came to help us connect our emotions with what we do, what we like, how we react, and to begin to be able to react appropriately with love. It is almost impossible to love if these things are not connected up, because the emotion within will not match the action without. The ideal is you get what you see, the difference between what you show and what you are is identical. Most of mental illness stems from these two splitting irreparably so making the individual completely unpredictable, even to themselves.

My daughter once on the way to going to bed burst into tears. I asked her why? She said she did not know. She had a very empathetic heart and had two good friends each of which wanted her to do something. She could not keep them both happy, and so got confused. She ignored this conflict and buried it, thinking of each in turn and what she would do to keep them happy. After we talked about it, and the fact she had to just make a decision, and her friends had to just put up with it, she stopped crying. I got her to practice remembering how she felt about things, and not ignoring it, but dealing with the emotion, so what she did was a result of her feeling and actions, and not dislocated and not worked through.

Jesus planted love in our hearts as babies, for our parents. As we grow this gets cut off, hidden, shut down, because of failures, rejection, disappointment. The more we cut off this love, the more hard hearted we become.
Jesus came to set that love free, so say it can find a home in him, without disappointment or failure, with 100% understanding, and with true insight. It this place we can start to sort our reactions out, to straighten the love we have, to give and receive in openness and honesty. This is the gospel of peace. It is also the gospel of truth and freedom within.
A few find this even in the "christian" church, because it is a walk, and a slow build, but it is a road to eternity and the Kingdom. It is also a road of repentance, forgiveness, seas of anger, hatred, bitterness which are all washed away, when worked through. But we are very scared that these feelings will overwhelm us and we are no more. But you only can get through them by trusting the Lords love and letting them roll, and finding resolution.

I hope this helps, God bless

 

[Sirk]

It's sort of a wrote exercise. How are you....fine. Like we are programmed. If you want a different answer ask a different question.

 

[JustAnotherUser]

I think it comes down to the ignorance and why people still remain in a state as to any type of abnormalities (which can be backed up by research and how the brain chemistry can work) is not part of their problem, so they shun them out. Upbringing can bring an impact since at one point mental health issues was like the plague. As far as minor cases are today, a person would've been in a psychiatric ward back then. Nobody wanted to associate on something that was considered shameful and 'insane'. It's sad that a well known topic such as mental health awareness is still considered as a taboo (well known taboo, I'd like to call it). Not everyone diagnosed with a mental disability or illness is considered dangerous, but as stated, people fear of what they don't know.

That along with the 'your problem, not mine' and 'what I need' mentality isn't helping for people to better understand one another. Sadly, the only way a person will know that some things exist, are complex and the effects if they are prolonged is by experiencing what they deem as attention seeking or demonic for themselves. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but it seems to hold some truth. For the very least, people should be educated so they can know how to help loved ones and prevent from going down a similar path themselves.

Don't know if this answers the topic directly and the fact that I'm sounding like some advocate, but this sort of thing does hit home in certain ways and I'm tired of hearing those who are closest to me.

 

[JustAnotherUser]

Edit fail. Sentence ends at 'hit home in certain ways.' I was going to add some other things but changed my mind.

 

[p_rehbein]

Hmm, should people put Christians in such a position? Generally speaking, the person asking "How are you?" Really doesn't care how we are do they? Sure, sometimes folks may ask this question sincerely, but are not the majority just making conversation......

This can ALL be avoided by not asking someone this can it not?

Now, for those sincerely concerned.............they can say, "No, seriously, how are you? I've been concerned about you."

As to the person being asked.............they must judge if the one asking is actually concerned.......if so, they can be more open with their response. If they realize the person asking is simply making a generalized statement......they should not be offended by it.

 

[Lynx]

Telemarketers started doing this a while ago, mostly as a social tool. You say hi, they say hello Mr. X, how are you today, you're supposed to say fine, then they go into their sales pitch. A comedian named Carl Hurley (look him up on youtube, he's a hoot) said when they say how are you today... he tells them.

"Well I just got back from the doctor's office and he told me if I kept taking those sleeping pills I was gonna get addicted but that's nonsense cause I been taking them for twenty years and I ain't got addicted to them yet and he said my blood sugar was too high but my wife still says I'm not sweet enough but I told her that's cause she's such a sourpuss that it cancels out my sweetness and I was trying to move a couch she wanted moved the other day and I threw my back out but I don't know what was wrong with the couch right where it was. Well, been nice taking to you, so long."

Never did find out what that fella was selling...