Do you ever feel like you're just not wanted? meaning like no one wants to date you?

[ManiaStar]

I've been going through a lot lately. I have a few things that are really confusing/getting to me and it's very very frustrating.

I've tried out many different dating sites and, i can never find anyone who wants to date me. I've found people near my age who might want to hang out but no one that wants to date me. I feel like there's something wrong w/ me and makes me feel unwanted.

I think that I'm pretty and I have family and several guy friends who say I'm pretty, so, if people are calling me pretty, then why doesn't anyone want to date me?

It's been like this since I was a teenager.

There's gotta be a reason behind all this but i have no idea what it is. I am tired of being alone/single. I'm tired of being lonely.

I try dating sites on and off.

I had joined this one Christian small group about 2 yrs ago. It was for college aged/young professionals and, I saw a few guys in this group whom I thought was attractive. Everyone will talk to me and I get along w/ people well but, that's where it starts and where it ends.

I feel like I'm doing something wrong but, I don't know what else to do.

My best friend often tells me he doesn't understand why people don't want to hang out w/ me. That I'm an awesome person and that I enjoy doing so many different activities and that I'm so versatile I can fit w/ basically anyone but, he's right, he doesn't understand and I don't understand.

It's extremely frustrating for me and I feel there's little I can do to change this as the same things keep happening.

The only people who seem to be "attracted" to me. I use that word lightly in this area but, are older guys. Meaning, guys that are 50+ years old. I want to be w/ someone around my age whether it's a few yrs older or younger but not 20+ yrs older then me

Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me?

 

[coby]

Oh dating sites just suck. Who cares if noone wants you? I just want one guy anyway. When I was young absolutely noone was ever interested except for three weirdo's who went after any girl lol and two were old. My ex was the only one who wanted to date me. Who cares what others think about you? Of course they don't like me. They're meant for someone else.
And you never know. Maybe there's a shy guy interested. When I was married all of a sudden a guy I knew from school showed interest. I never noticed when I was in school because he was too shy to say anything.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

I empathize a lot with this. Stay strong lady ManiaStar, may Jesus love you greatly.

 

[jogoldie]

hello little sister....you have friends that are men...you have family...sounds like you have people already who you can hang
with..what is your hurry..dating just anyone..just because they ask.. is asking for trouble..looking back..dating a boy cause
i thought he was cute got me in all kinds of messes..you are focusing too far ahead..wanting something God already has waiting for you...worrying for tom marrow just makes us miss the blessings God has for us today...live each day..it will happen with the right man when God says your ready..until then..enjoy the love that already surrounds you and before you
know it ...you will be old..married and loving on the grand babies ..peace jo

 

[melita916]

I know exactly how you feel. I was completely invisible to the opposite sex. Always the friend, but never the girlfriend. I also thought there was something wrong with me. I had my 1st relationship at age 22. We broke up 5 yrs later. I was single for 5 yrs before dating my current boyfriend. During the time I was alone, God let me know He had me hidden for my protection. I understand now. I didn't then.

I can honestly say it is worth it. It's a struggle, I know. But it's worth it.

 

[BekahB5]

I have this problem as well, but more due to circumstances, I think.
I used to get the same from older men... younger men didn't appreciate me. Now, it seems like I get some attention from younger guys. Most of the time, I put up invisible barriers to keep men away from me in order to focus on goals such as finishing school. You may be putting up such barriers and not even realize it. You may not be socializing outside in the world. There are multiple reasons for your dilemma, but I am sure it is not because you are unattractive or unlovable, or have nothing to offer.
If you are able to, I encourage therapy to talk to someone and process these issues in order to discover more about yourself and thereby grow. If you grow to accept yourself, the chances are, the desire for attention from men will fade.
I hope I am not offending you or jumping to conclusions...just a few thoughts.
Take care.

 

[wwjd_kilden]

I am a bit skeptical of dating sites, are people ever honest about who they are there?
I imagine the stereotype pictures people share where a 80 year old gnarly man says he is a 20 year old athlete.

If you do find out how to get hold of a guy
... that isn't married
... that isn't twice your age
.... that doesn't think "hi" means we are best friends and later that a hug means "lets go somewhere private"

- then please let me know how you did it! ... because I sure don't know.

If I hadn't moved from the UK, I'd probably have started hanging out more in book cafes to see if I could meet a fellow book addict.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

Just imagine that Jesus loves you so much that He protects your heart and is being too picky for you. Just be patient. Maybe your guy is still busy growing up into the man who deserves to have your heart so you must also continue to grow so you'll be ready for him when God's perfect time comes for you to meet. He makes all things beautiful in His time.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

Thanks for the reps tourist.

 

[pwrnJC]

THOU must date to feel acceptable? Humm...why not begin to draw closer to JESUS CHRIST and see what plans HE has in the making for you? As you grow, spiritually, not only will your aspirations change, but you will end up in the company of other holy spirit filled folks that you can help and draw strength from in the long run. Relationships can and will develop....something that has occurred centuries before dating sites were invented...Getting out there with people who have lots in common, working for one goal...helping others, reflecting JESUS...That alone will attract the right future soul mate.

 

[coby]

On free international dating sites everyone is interested. One guy wanted to fly all the way from Los Angeles to meet a single mom in Holland. Those love scammers are funny and tell you you're awesome.

 

[Lynx]

Here's the secret to attracting a member of the opposite sex.

Ready?






DON'T!

Your life is passing you by while you chase a shadow. Get out there and live life while you have it. If you happen to meet Mr. Right, yay! If you never meet him, don't grieve over what you could have had. You're going to miss out on a lot more than being married if you don't get into the whole living thing while you're still alive.


I'm 37 (so far) and I've never found Mrs. Right. She may not even exist. But I'm having a ball over here. Music stuff alone is enough to take up a good five lifetimes at least, and I only have one. Then there's computer stuff, church stuff, preacher stuff, all kinds of interesting books I haven't read yet, my dog is always up for action... There's way too much LIFE to live for me to focus on one little part of it and try to make something happen that may never happen.

 

[sunnysky31]

I understand you Mania. Same here. I really have always been totally invisible as well to men. Usually, I find myself sitting for hours (literally) listening to their problems just nodding *uh huh - uh huh* and they have not really asked me anything at all. They may throw in a question every 20 minutes. It's rather interesting............

However, I don't mind it much. I think that when the time is right God will send someone. Til then, Im content. But, I feel you.... it can be somewhat frustrating to not ever been seen. Just hang tight. Enjoy life now. Try not to dwell on having someone. Just enjoy the people that are around you and focus on Christ.

Also, yes, dating sites can be not so good. I am on a couple and ehhh.... well... I have nothing good to say of them really.

 

[Ugly]

I have this problem. Well, i can't say i don't get noticed, but i attract people who, as i'm just beginning to learn, don't have real feelings for me. Because i try to help people, and often help one on one, they develop a 'counselor crush'. It's a common problem with counselors and psychologists where their patients develop an interest, but the interest isn't a true meaningful one, but rather a sense of closeness during a time of need. But once that need passes so does the crush.
And this is what happens to me. Even people i date, they lose interest when they don't have the same needs. Often they quickly meet someone else. So i am left with the sense that only people who have a need that i can help with have interest in me. Those who don't have needs i can help with, aren't attracted. And on the rare occasion someone does seem attracted to me for other reasons, it's typically a more scary attraction haha. The few people i can think of bordered more on stalking, than attraction.
Also at my age, and with my many health issues, and lack of financial stability, i feel i have less than ever to offer women. Which they didn't want me Before all of that hah.

I have looked on dating sites. I am not even able to find a single woman that i would Want to meet. Even on Christian dating sites every single woman i see has two things that turn me off. Being an 'outdoors' type, which i'm a homebody and with my health issues i'm pretty much forced to now. And drinking, even if it's only rarely. I hate alcohol.
It seems everything stacks against me. Doesn't seem as if things just don't work out, but that i am simply not one people develop strong feelings for, despite me being one that can develop and express strong feelings. It continues to wear on me and how i view myself.

 

[ManiaStar]

I understand you Mania. Same here. I really have always been totally invisible as well to men. Usually, I find myself sitting for hours (literally) listening to their problems just nodding *uh huh - uh huh* and they have not really asked me anything at all. They may throw in a question every 20 minutes. It's rather interesting............

However, I don't mind it much. I think that when the time is right God will send someone. Til then, Im content. But, I feel you.... it can be somewhat frustrating to not ever been seen. Just hang tight. Enjoy life now. Try not to dwell on having someone. Just enjoy the people that are around you and focus on Christ.

Also, yes, dating sites can be not so good. I am on a couple and ehhh.... well... I have nothing good to say of them really.

I try to be content. Every so often I try dating sites like POF and tagged. After a few days up to a week, I get so frustrated and depressed by them that I just give up.

I'm in a strange situation though. It's difficult for me to listen to people when they tell me to live my life and not worried about getting married or being w/ someone. I have a friend whom I like and I know he likes me but, he currently has a gf and it's just extremely super complicated so, every so often, I try these dating sites to get my mind off of him and onto somebody else. I figure if I find someone else I'm attracted to, it would help w/ my depression and just help me in general.

I do have fun in life, a lot of fun. Yesterday, I went snow tubing w/ my best friend and his or our other friend and we snow tubed all day long. It was awesome!!!

The ups and downs is what gets to me though.

Today I was on POF and Tagged and i kept getting notifications of people who like me/want to meet me. I looked quickly at all of the notifications and, so many of them were older men, a couple of the guys looked weird but, one guy did message me on tagged and the first thing out of his mouth had nothing do w/ sex like so many of the other messages i normally get. He seems normal for now. I'll continue talking to him. Maybe it'll just turn into a friendship since he lives too far away anyways.

It's difficult for me to always be content. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but, in my family/extended family, I'm the only one who has never been on a date or been w/ someone. That makes me feel horrible and my cousins usually judge me on that but I can't help it. It's only ever been mutual w/ 1 person and, that is just way too extremely complicated and out of my control right now.

I believe my Mr. Right exists bc of different things God has told me over the past few years and what he has shown me but, to be patient is hard, to wait on his timing, is difficult and to always just be content is also very difficult esp when you do have your eyes on someone. I don't know how to just let it go and let God take control of the entire situation and stop worrying about all this.

 

[ManiaStar]

Just imagine that Jesus loves you so much that He protects your heart and is being too picky for you. Just be patient. Maybe your guy is still busy growing up into the man who deserves to have your heart so you must also continue to grow so you'll be ready for him when God's perfect time comes for you to meet. He makes all things beautiful in His time.

I appreciate what you said here. It really makes me think. And it almost coincides w/ what a few other people ahve said to me. That I need to wait on God's timing and right now, it's not his timing. I just wish I could know what God is thinking or what he's bringing me through or getting me ready for. That I just wish I could figure out.

 

[RissaBug]

I have my low moments where I feel like this too. But I know why I'm single right now. 1 it's not God's timing and 2 even if it were, I have high standards that make it complicated. I have a lot of strictly platonic guy friends, though. We can hang out without worry because we know we wouldn't work out romantically. Either we want different things in life or we live too differently. And that's okay. At least I can trust them and we have great times together. They're just not the lifetime partner type. And that makes me sad at times.

I'm too leery of dating sites though. Guys from my city could be just as deceptive in person, but it's more risky online. It's also so forced. I'd rather a relationship happen naturally. You know each other for a while and then he asks you on a date and you get to know each other more... it's intentional but not forced.

Or maybe I'm just too old fashioned.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

I appreciate what you said here. It really makes me think. And it almost coincides w/ what a few other people ahve said to me. That I need to wait on God's timing and right now, it's not his timing. I just wish I could know what God is thinking or what he's bringing me through or getting me ready for. That I just wish I could figure out.

I understand what you mean. Its really frustrating because nobody knows the future. But despite the uncertainty we still believe in a bright future. That is called faith. Just keep the faith and put your hope and trust in the Lord. If we rush we end up hurt and broken hearted. Always guard your heart and dont give it easily because according to a song "Its sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along" .We have to wait on God because this is His universe ,we are just here for a while and God creates the circumstances that we have no control over. We can only create small moments out of our circumstances.

 

[sassylady]

I struggle frequently with feeling like I don't have any worth to anybody. I know what God thinks of me (each of us), but I still want to have that one man that wants me and can love me as a man should love a woman. The biggest problem I've encountered when I have dated is that I have 3 children still at home and the men I've dated don't want anything to do with somebody else's children. As if I have a disease. The last man hurt me pretty deeply with his comments about my children and it makes it difficult to believe there is anybody out there that doesn't feel that way, even though I only dated three different men. Then add the thyroid problem I recently found out I have and the reason for the weight I have on me and I have days I feel extremely hopeless of anything good happening in my life.