Okay, I'm going to be honest and be really selfish here.
So, I'm moving. I don't know when, but I am. My friends know. When we hung out last night, they were talking about how much they were going to miss me, we need to hang out a lot, etc. etc.
Tonight I was supposed to hang out with friends. But we didn't realize that the time we were going to hang out was the same time there was a meeting at their church. So, one of my friends and I hung out and went out to eat while waiting for them to get done, because we were going to do something afterwards. Well, after they got done, a few of them changed their minds and went to a bonfire that they were invited to, and I guess the others went home.
Now, here comes the selfish part. "Aw, we're going to miss you! Seriously Rach, you will be so missed" (almost word for word) just is not meshing with the "I have a chance to hang out with a friend that is moving soon but instead I will go to someone's house who lives here all the time." One of them even thought that I was moving this weekend and still chose to go to the bonfire.
It makes it hard for me to believe that you truly care about the relationship when you do not initiate or pursue spending time with me before I move. Yes, it's selfish. Yes, I could initiate it myself. But I'm tired of being the initiator. I am selfish and want to be the one asked sometimes, to be the one pursued. And these are sweet, wonderful people, don't get me wrong. I have great friends. I'm just a little hurt. I guess I expected more when I shouldn't have. It makes me question my value to them.
And I am fighting this, I am fighting for there not to be bitterness in my heart over this, to push people away because of it, to distrust more because of it.
I just need to go to bed. Sleep it off.