Why Shouldn't Women Make "The First Move"?

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A

Art05

Guest
#1
#1
One would think that there was an explicit command in Scripture against it-- Women making the first move; how preposterous, wicked, and unimaginable.

A certain lady here on this site has told me, that women seeking out a man is "is just WRONG and out of character for a Christian woman to do." She then, I am guessing as advice to men, said "We are to be won over by holy men who are truly deserving of our hearts that we have entrusted to GOD for safekeeping, until the one HE deems worthy to love us just as HE would is ready to take on that role :) so don't expect any GODly women to come nipping at your heels, nice guys/good guys/GODly men!!!"

From my own experience, I know that my pastor's wife has told me that women should only wait, making it seem that any women that makes any move (except to "give signs" ... ugh) is a sinful, misguided young woman, and not much of a woman.

A short anecdote: There is a married couple at our church. We were talking (amongst others) about how they met. He remembered that they were paired up (they were not saved when they met; many married couples in my church met before they were saved) by their friends, and how she was directed to him. But when he said this, she said humorously interrupted, No, no, I didn't go after you, you went after me! You found me! And she chuckled.

So then, WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH IT?
 
alexis

alexis

Banned by Admin Team (verified fraud)
#3
Dec 5, 2013
501
23
0
#3
Art05 said:
One would think that there was an explicit command in Scripture against it-- Women making the first move; how preposterous, wicked, and unimaginable.

A certain lady here on this site has told me, that women seeking out a man is "is just WRONG and out of character for a Christian woman to do." She then, I am guessing as advice to men, said "We are to be won over by holy men who are truly deserving of our hearts that we have entrusted to GOD for safekeeping, until the one HE deems worthy to love us just as HE would is ready to take on that role :) so don't expect any GODly women to come nipping at your heels, nice guys/good guys/GODly men!!!"

From my own experience, I know that my pastor's wife has told me that women should only wait, making it seem that any women that makes any move (except to "give signs" ... ugh) is a sinful, misguided young woman, and not much of a woman.

A short anecdote: There is a married couple at our church. We were talking (amongst others) about how they met. He remembered that they were paired up (they were not saved when they met; many married couples in my church met before they were saved) by their friends, and how she was directed to him. But when he said this, she said humorously interrupted, No, no, I didn't go after you, you went after me! You found me! And she chuckled.

So then, WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH IT?
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Art, love you

But just because something worked out in the end that doesn't make it right....

I'm happy for those in your church and am not implying they did wrong.

Just saying if something works out and ends favorable to God it doesn't mean it's right. An example that comes to mind is how me and my friend Hannah met. The first time we met she made fun of me. Not joking but meanly. We later talked and are now really close. So by this a right way to make friends is to first hurt them and be mean. I know that's not comparable to women pursuing a relationship, it is simply addressing if this worked.... Then "WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH IT?

I pursue a relationship with Christ and feel that should be the only relationship we focus on. But in regards to dating I recently had a wise person say they don't date but would court. Thus on this actual subject my only thought is if a guy waits for me to pursue him, even when I am of an age when I can be courted, he will wait forever. I am not going to do it.

Hope you know I love all your post and quest to understand, girls, dating and the like... I also like to give you a little bit of a hard time in fun! If this comes across as not being Christ like let me know. It's all in good fun, but if not fun for you or it seems attacking I will in the future be less playful in response.
I think you get me and we can laugh and still learn from each other but I want to make sure it's okay!

Lots of love,
lexi
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#4
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#4
alexis said:
Art, love you

But just because something worked out in the end that doesn't make it right....

I'm happy for those in your church and am not implying they did wrong.

Just saying if something works out and ends favorable to God it doesn't mean it's right. An example that comes to mind is how me and my friend Hannah met. The first time we met she made fun of me. Not joking but meanly. We later talked and are now really close. So by this a right way to make friends is to first hurt them and be mean. I know that's not comparable to women pursuing a relationship, it is simply addressing if this worked.... Then "WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH IT?

I pursue a relationship with Christ and feel that should be the only relationship we focus on. But in regards to dating I recently had a wise person say they don't date but would court. Thus on this actual subject my only thought is if a guy waits for me to pursue him, even when I am of an age when I can be courted, he will wait forever. I am not going to do it.

Hope you know I love all your post and quest to understand, girls, dating and the like... I also like to give you a little bit of a hard time in fun! If this comes across as not being Christ like let me know. It's all in good fun, but if not fun for you or it seems attacking I will in the future be less playful in response.
I think you get me and we can laugh and still learn from each other but I want to make sure it's okay!

Lots of love,
lexi
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You said this a great deal better than I've managed to say it in all my posts regarding this subject. :)
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#5
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
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#5
I think it needs to be clarified that "pursue" does not equal "pulls all the weight in the relationship". Personally, I think it'd be great if the guy was the one who pursued me, who initiated asking me on a date and such. But, if we entered into a committed relationship later, it's not like I would expect him to make all the plans and do all the things. I have ideas for dates and fun things, and I have to work on my part of the relationship too. The man isn't expected to do everything. That's not much of a relationship. You both pursue each other in a relationship (as well as Christ, together), because once you're in that relationship, it's not all about you anymore.

Just throwin' that out there, because I think there is some confusion in that regard. :)
 
R

Relena7

Guest
#6
#6
I made the first move with my BF because he's really shy. The fact doesn't bother either of us. Those who feel strongly about men making the first move have a right to their opinion. But it doesn't mean it's right for everyone.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#7
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
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#7
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#8
#8
It's safer for girls just to hint and do things that way because they get called all kinds of nasty names by other girls if they appear too forward, even in completely non-religious circles. Like your pastors wife, "any woman that makes the first move is not much of a woman". Girls have to deal with being judged in ways we never have to experience so it's important to keep that in mind. There's good reasons why they don't do it more often. Social consequences, self esteem, fear of rejection, yada yada yada. In the long run, it's better to just learn how to take a hint and respond accordingly rather than try to change the fabric of society when it comes to this.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#9
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
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#9
So long as you don't pursue like this:



:p

(I need to calm down with the gifs. It's just that there's a perfect one for every situation)
 
A

Art05

Guest
#10
#10
colalella2891 said:
Most people in that thread said that the man should pursue, but I personally don't think it matters who does. I don't see anything wrong with the female pursuing.
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Alright then.

But why do you think it is viewed as "wrong" if a woman pursues?
 
A

Art05

Guest
#11
#11
rachelsedge said:
Personally, I think it'd be great if the guy was the one who pursued me, who initiated asking me on a date and such.
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And this is the topic.

Why wouldn't it ever be the other way around with you, or with (apparently) the majority of women?
 
A

Art05

Guest
#12
#12
Relena7 said:
I made the first move with my BF because he's really shy. The fact doesn't bother either of us. Those who feel strongly about men making the first move have a right to their opinion. But it doesn't mean it's right for everyone.
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Cool! Thank you for sharing this!
 
A

Art05

Guest
#13
#13
Donkeyfish07 said:
It's safer for girls just to hint and do things that way because they get called all kinds of nasty names by other girls if they appear too forward, even in completely non-religious circles. Like your pastors wife, "any woman that makes the first move is not much of a woman". Girls have to deal with being judged in ways we never have to experience so it's important to keep that in mind. There's good reasons why they don't do it more often. Social consequences, self esteem, fear of rejection, yada yada yada. In the long run, it's better to just learn how to take a hint and respond accordingly rather than try to change the fabric of society when it comes to this.
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Ah, very well written. Thank you so much!
 
A

Art05

Guest
#14
#14
rachelsedge said:
So long as you don't pursue like this:



:p

(I need to calm down with the gifs. It's just that there's a perfect one for every situation)
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I'm a nice guy, and we don't pull stunts like that ;) We lack the "confidence" hahahaha
 
A

Art05

Guest
#16
#16
Praus said:
Nothing! I promote (appropriately attired) Christian women pursuing men right here on CC.

-> http://christianchat.com/christian-...hristian-women-should-start-pursuing-men.html


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And so you've brought up something that I've noticed ever since ... well, ever since I came on here.

Women (Christian women), I've noticed, are considerably bolder online than offline; they begin conversations (whereas offline, they would probably only stare at the poor guy and remain silent), they pursue men, they even give out their phone numbers (yes, Christian women). And yet these are the same women that say they would never ever pursue a man for a relationship, affirming that the hunt belongs to the man, while they are the prey.

Now, why is that?
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#17
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#17
Art05 said:
And so you've brought up something that I've noticed ever since ... well, ever since I came on here.

Women (Christian women), I've noticed, are considerably bolder online than offline; they begin conversations (whereas offline, they would probably only stare at the poor guy and remain silent), they pursue men, they even give out their phone numbers (yes, Christian women). And yet these are the same women that say they would never ever pursue a man for a relationship, affirming that the hunt belongs to the man, while they are the prey.

Now, why is that?
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Hmm...interesting. I don't give out my number and I am bold when chatting here, but I am just as bold when away from the computer. :) I am not shy about my opinions and beliefs. It would be interesting to create a poll and see how many women actually do what you've said and see no correlation between the two...if they're honest enough to admit they do these things while speaking out about not being the pursuer/initiator. :)
 
Praus

Praus

Banned
#18
Dec 21, 2012
2,982
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#18
Art05 said:
And so you've brought up something that I've noticed ever since ... well, ever since I came on here.

Women (Christian women), I've noticed, are considerably bolder online than offline; they begin conversations (whereas offline, they would probably only stare at the poor guy and remain silent), they pursue men, they even give out their phone numbers (yes, Christian women). And yet these are the same women that say they would never ever pursue a man for a relationship, affirming that the hunt belongs to the man, while they are the prey.

Now, why is that?
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Rule 30: there are no women on the the internet.

 myth.jpg
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#19
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
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#19
Art05 said:
Women (Christian women), I've noticed, are considerably bolder online than offline
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I've found that people in general can tend to be bolder online than off. When I used to use the chat here on CC, there were things guys would say to me that I KNOW they wouldn't say to me in real life. Inappropriate or very forward things, or just plain dumb. People are able to "hide" behind their computers because the consequences are not as real when you're not face to face with someone, so they feel they can cross boundaries they can't in real life, men and women alike.
 
A

Art05

Guest
#20
#20
rachelsedge said:
I've found that people in general can tend to be bolder online than off. When I used to use the chat here on CC, there were things guys would say to me that I KNOW they wouldn't say to me in real life. Inappropriate or very forward things, or just plain dumb. People are able to "hide" behind their computers because the consequences are not as real when you're not face to face with someone, so they feel they can cross boundaries they can't in real life, men and women alike.
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Yep. Some people (and as I have one finger pointing with this hand, there are three pointing back right at me) are like cowardly dogs: they bark ferociously behind a fence.
 
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