Online Dating 101

[JohnDB]

Just curious, which site was it? I hear some are worse than others.

In my experience... even "Christian" dating websites were not immune to being a "free-for-all" for physical intimacy hookups.

But my knowledge now is over a dozen years out of date....and obviously worthless now as to the culture of these sites.

"Do I greet her with flowers?" Was a hotly debated topic amongst the guys when they were successful in "hooking up" for a temporary relationship.

 

[birdinmypalm]

Just curious, which site was it? I hear some are worse than others.

That was Plenty of Fish. Since then I've heard of a lot of people getting scammed on there. Oops.

 

[Donna909]

While I haven't yet done online dating, I have decided that if I ever do my profile will have enough teasers in it ( picture of me petting tiger, comments about travels, maybe my dog, comments about faith, etc) that there will be plenty of potential specific follow up / tell me more questions for an interested party to ask. Then I will feel perfectly justified in not responding to any generic " hi I like your profile" messages that show zero evidence of having read my profile. So my only advice would be if a guy can't tell you what he likes about your profile (other than the picture is female) then he's not worth opening communications with. But like I said, zero real world experience because I don't want it enough to be bothered doing the work.

Yeah I have questions in my profile too.
But they don't read obviously. So that means I get a lot of SPAM lol
Hence, still single. lol

 

[Donna909]

In my experience... even "Christian" dating websites were not immune to being a "free-for-all" for physical intimacy hookups.

But my knowledge now is over a dozen years out of date....and obviously worthless now as to the culture of these sites.

"Do I greet her with flowers?" Was a hotly debated topic amongst the guys when they were successful in "hooking up" for a temporary relationship.

I have tried several over the years. Probably tried them all. LOL
Don't believe half the online articles.
POF is big and free.
EHarmony is not Christian any more. The Christian founder sold it long ago. Early 2000's? And Eharmony has a lot of 'empty or no one home profiles'. They dont remove the old profiles, and you can't see any pictures if you don't pay. I got the least responses and almost no activity on EHarmony. Just an expensive and dead website. And I noticed, when your membership is about to expire, all of a sudden you get favorited and all sorts of activity by profiles that no one talks from. So that is fake.
My experience, non of them are any good. Good platforms, but the quality of users is the problem. Sifting out from the flakes and the fakes.

I'd say POF is the funnest and most active. But also like the Walmart of them all. All sorts are there.

 

[Donna909]

That's absolutely true. I was married to a dangerous man for 17 years. I never thought it would happen to me. Never again.

But what I wanted to contribute to this thread is ... I tried online dating just once. About 2 years ago. I wasn't actively looking for a spouse. Just folks to talk to. I made sure my profile clearly stated that I am a Christian.

So I met a very nice man who lived only about an hour away. We immediately began chatting like teenagers. But it came to a screeching halt when I made it clear I had no intention of jumping into bed with him. He was astounded! But I've been down that disasterous road before, and now I am determined to follow God's will for my life. The guy actually took it well, and we agreed to end it before wasting anymore time. I closed my account because I realized that wasn't the right place for me.

Yeah, I experienced that too. When you claim 1 Corr 6:9 all of a sudden they go bye bye. And some professing Christian men did not want to see or hear that. Literally. They made all sorts of excuses. I said, you can run, but you can't hide. LOLLL

I also recently added on my profile " Dating is for marriage. If you do not intend on marrying then do not date". LOL

And others, have seeking long term serious relationship. But are not selecting the seeking marriage option. If they message me, I tell, "so your looking for a forever girlfriend?"

.... It looks like I'm going to be single forever.

 

[Donna909]

Also, I have never been in an abusive relationship. Came close once, but I left 2 months in.
Sorry that happened to you.

 

[Donna909]

See,
The intentional hook up is not ever going to work...it never has before in the entirety of human history. The book of Proverbs has little snippets talking about women looking for men...with dire warnings and cautions.

But nevermind using the formula that is known not to work... keep using it and expect a different result.

There are worse things than being alone...and being isolated with a tormenter that knows everything about you is one.

What is so wrong with just looking for friends? People to do stuff with and talk with. People who you like. Having dinner parties/potluck with for an evening of adult conversation and laughs. (I mean instead of children)

No expectations for a relationship that would be forced anyway because you simply don't know each other well enough. It's ok to be flirty fun so long as the flirty is lighthearted and not dirty/perverted/sexual.

And really watch and get to know people that can be great friends. That was my formula that worked fairly well. I wasn't ever "on the hunt" and the relationships I had were all friendships. And the very few times I requested to have an even closer relationship with a woman...it was always taken very serious and considered studiously...I never got rejected out of hand, laughed at or something equally disparaging.
I made hundreds of friends...still have many of them. Occasionally we still talk but they know that I'm happily married and they don't want to disrupt my marriage.

But I did see many people go through the fruitless persuit of intentionally joining dating sites and get heartbroken and used for schemes countless times. It's still a great way to make money by creating dating sites. Even though they have a lousy long term track record. Short term? Good...but long term they are horrible.
(At least for Christians)

Your message is conveying a lot of points. Frankly, some I do NOT like what you are implying.
I am not a woman that lures men to their demise.
I am aware of not settling for less and being stuck in a unhappy marriage. I am not doing that.
And I am aware there are worse things then being alone. I am doing well being alone FYI. Thank you God!
And Looking for friendships. On those apps, the men dont read, and if they did, they want to be your real 'good' 'friend'.
And people lie. And friends lie. And some people are good as a friend but not good as a spouse. And some friends, no matter how good of a friend they are, does not mean you want to marry them. And be with them.
And some marry their best friend and find out, it's just that, friends. Like roommates.
Your scenario doesn't guarantee or always working out either.
But good for you that it did. Hooray.

 

[Lynx]

Your message is conveying a lot of points. Frankly, some I do NOT like what you are implying.
I am not a woman that lures men to their demise.
I am aware of not settling for less and being stuck in a unhappy marriage. I am not doing that.
And I am aware there are worse things then being alone. I am doing well being alone FYI. Thank you God!
And Looking for friendships. On those apps, the men dont read, and if they did, they want to be your real 'good' 'friend'.
And people lie. And friends lie. And some people are good as a friend but not good as a spouse. And some friends, no matter how good of a friend they are, does not mean you want to marry them. And be with them.
And some marry their best friend and find out, it's just that, friends. Like roommates.
Your scenario doesn't guarantee or always working out either.
But good for you that it did. Hooray.

Howdy Donna and welcome to the forum.

You have found the default chill place in the forum for people to hang out and kibitz. The Singles Forum has evolved to have singles and married people (we keep the married ones around because they are cool, and because we value their input on various topics... and some of them started here when they were single, and we don't have the heart to kick them out.) We don't have the arguing and drama that can be found in some of the forums. At least usually... Sometimes we get some seepage from another forum, but it usually clears up fast.

Reading this post of yours, I get the feeling you're gonna fit right in just fine.

 

[Donna909]

Howdy Donna and welcome to the forum.

You have found the default chill place in the forum for people to hang out and kibitz. The Singles Forum has evolved to have singles and married people (we keep the married ones around because they are cool, and because we value their input on various topics... and some of them started here when they were single, and we don't have the heart to kick them out.) We don't have the arguing and drama that can be found in some of the forums. At least usually... Sometimes we get some seepage from another forum, but it usually clears up fast.

Reading this post of yours, I get the feeling you're gonna fit right in just fine.

thanks.

 

[JohnDB]

Your message is conveying a lot of points. Frankly, some I do NOT like what you are implying.
I am not a woman that lures men to their demise.
I am aware of not settling for less and being stuck in a unhappy marriage. I am not doing that.
And I am aware there are worse things then being alone. I am doing well being alone FYI. Thank you God!
And Looking for friendships. On those apps, the men dont read, and if they did, they want to be your real 'good' 'friend'.
And people lie. And friends lie. And some people are good as a friend but not good as a spouse. And some friends, no matter how good of a friend they are, does not mean you want to marry them. And be with them.
And some marry their best friend and find out, it's just that, friends. Like roommates.
Your scenario doesn't guarantee or always working out either.
But good for you that it did. Hooray.

I have a guy's viewpoint because I am indeed a member of the male species...I have no desire to change from that either...no matter how popular doing so might be of late.

The troubles I seen from people making intentionally romantic relationships only were on both sides....I seen guys use and abuse the women and women who would use and abuse the men. It was a free for all in that respect.

I also was a member of several sites and each website had its own culture...some were all about hooking up...others more about using those caught up in infatuation...others were more juvenile in behavior...not many were about forming lasting friendship relationships. (Which is what I was after)
I met a LOT of people face to face as I liked traveling...that part was fun. I met married and single people...some I went to and some came to me...and from all over the country too. From Florida to Washington and many other points including Canada. Got a Christmas card from the Phillipines once too. Great stuff!
But that's what making friends is about... There was a time I could reach anyone anywhere through my network of friends.
Now I've lost touch with most of them. But a few are still around.

I'm married and not single... different lifestyle and focus kinda. Similar but done differently. I must respect my wife and her feelings and wishes and my friends all understand and respect that...they really all were pulling for me to be happy.

It's different when you just go make friends...less heartbreak or emotional exhaustion. And romance happens organically...the way it should. It's nice. You don't expect anything magic... but sometimes it happens anyway.
It did for me.

 

[Lanolin]

I dont think much of online shopping
Our of necessity you do it, but its not that much fun. Often you may buy something, but more often than not, they send you the WRONG thing, or they are out of stock, or what you get isnt really what you asked for and its so much hassle returning it and getting a refund!


oh wait...is this a thread about dating...?

 

[Donna909]

yeah, about dating.
but the same scenario applies!

 

[Lanolin]

I am quite happy with my online purchases but I know it can be a minefield out there.

You can potentially strike it lucky and get gold (or rubies) but you can also get trapped in a landmine and explode.

Tip...take a canary with you?