Reasons why you should never chase a guy who runs away
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Well, it's a common slang used in jest. From Alabama to Texas, I have heard and used it for years. Never had the misunderstanding of it that you posted though. That was a new one.......may make me reconsider using it again.
Can't believe folks have never heard the slang terms "hemale" and "shemale" in reference to guys and girls, but I suppose it's possible.
SO, I'm a little late to the BBQ and the last 2-3 pages have had nothing to do with anything. Therefore, I'm going to pretend they never occurred. No offense, I'm sure it was some insightful stuff, but not about the point.
A relationship is a dynamic thing. I can never be in a relationship with Sleeping Beauty. Nor would any self respecting man be okay with such a thing. If I kissed a girl for the first time in her sleep, I'm pretty sure I would be on some sort of registry.
And yet a lot of women are waiting for a man to place all of his cards on the table, to let her decide how then to proceed. As Gypsy Danger pointed out more often than not men tend to invest more quickly than women. And women expect that a man will overextend himself emotionally, overplay his hand, or tip off his full intentions far sooner than a woman. This leaves the ball in her court, it becomes her responsibility to play gatekeeper, pace setter, and the mistress of no. Essentially, this means that the locus of control in a relationship is hers. He is the primer but, she is the governing regulative power in this dynamic.
This might seem like he is leading, initiating or otherwise steering the relationship but, he's not. He is simply fuelling the ride, she is driving. She has the home field advantage, sets the course, the rules and the expectations, he simply there to facilitate the execution of the plan.
Just like in sales, strategy, poker, or chess once the pieces are in play, whoever speaks first is at a disadvantage. This is why men are asked to pursue, because it is customary for a man to begin at a disadvantage. It is the traditional order of things. In hearts, the card game as well as life, it is only good to have the lead when it benefits you.
When a woman signals her intention, availability, or interest, its not a bad thing. To have a mutually attracted dynamic is rare but, it shows that a woman has some stake in the fortunes of a relationship.
If I ask someone out, I don't want: *shrug* "Sure"
Because that is what I usually get. Which tells me too much too soon.
But, in order to get more confirmation than that, it usually means that a woman has in some way signalled me that she is interested.
Otherwise my asking women out is simply an arbitrary choice, like being at Baskin Robbins and having 31 flavors. Should I rank them? What if Banana's Foster isn't available anymore. What if Grandma's Baking Cookies rejects me? I don't really like chocolate but cookies and cream isn't bad. Mint can be good, I could sample or I could just wait to see what new flavors they get at the end of the month. But then I'll miss other flavors. They are like sleeping beauty, just sitting there, waiting for my arbitrary choice. But what if one of them wanted me to choose it?
"It is mine to give to whom I will, like my heart."
So its not really about Chasing a man down.
"If you love something, Set it free
If it returns, it was meant to be."
Its about knowing that not only can I choose but, I can be chosen. These are not mutually exclusive. I see the value of someone else and feel valuable, desirable and sought after. I can chase and be chased. If the price and the prize is worth a seat at the dance, I need to know that I belong.
Nothing is worse than dragging someone along who passively agrees to be in a relationship, only to have it fade to nothing, when I'm not there to actively nurture it.
So I'm not afraid of a woman chasing me down, and I'm not afraid to chase her down. What I am afraid of is pouring myself out, to be weighed and measured and found wanting. And that is what I believe women are afraid of to.
A relationship is a dynamic thing. I can never be in a relationship with Sleeping Beauty. Nor would any self respecting man be okay with such a thing. If I kissed a girl for the first time in her sleep, I'm pretty sure I would be on some sort of registry.
And yet a lot of women are waiting for a man to place all of his cards on the table, to let her decide how then to proceed. As Gypsy Danger pointed out more often than not men tend to invest more quickly than women. And women expect that a man will overextend himself emotionally, overplay his hand, or tip off his full intentions far sooner than a woman. This leaves the ball in her court, it becomes her responsibility to play gatekeeper, pace setter, and the mistress of no. Essentially, this means that the locus of control in a relationship is hers. He is the primer but, she is the governing regulative power in this dynamic.
This might seem like he is leading, initiating or otherwise steering the relationship but, he's not. He is simply fuelling the ride, she is driving. She has the home field advantage, sets the course, the rules and the expectations, he simply there to facilitate the execution of the plan.
Just like in sales, strategy, poker, or chess once the pieces are in play, whoever speaks first is at a disadvantage. This is why men are asked to pursue, because it is customary for a man to begin at a disadvantage. It is the traditional order of things. In hearts, the card game as well as life, it is only good to have the lead when it benefits you.
When a woman signals her intention, availability, or interest, its not a bad thing. To have a mutually attracted dynamic is rare but, it shows that a woman has some stake in the fortunes of a relationship.
If I ask someone out, I don't want: *shrug* "Sure"
Because that is what I usually get. Which tells me too much too soon.
But, in order to get more confirmation than that, it usually means that a woman has in some way signalled me that she is interested.
Otherwise my asking women out is simply an arbitrary choice, like being at Baskin Robbins and having 31 flavors. Should I rank them? What if Banana's Foster isn't available anymore. What if Grandma's Baking Cookies rejects me? I don't really like chocolate but cookies and cream isn't bad. Mint can be good, I could sample or I could just wait to see what new flavors they get at the end of the month. But then I'll miss other flavors. They are like sleeping beauty, just sitting there, waiting for my arbitrary choice. But what if one of them wanted me to choose it?
"It is mine to give to whom I will, like my heart."
So its not really about Chasing a man down.
"If you love something, Set it free
If it returns, it was meant to be."
Its about knowing that not only can I choose but, I can be chosen. These are not mutually exclusive. I see the value of someone else and feel valuable, desirable and sought after. I can chase and be chased. If the price and the prize is worth a seat at the dance, I need to know that I belong.
Nothing is worse than dragging someone along who passively agrees to be in a relationship, only to have it fade to nothing, when I'm not there to actively nurture it.
So I'm not afraid of a woman chasing me down, and I'm not afraid to chase her down. What I am afraid of is pouring myself out, to be weighed and measured and found wanting. And that is what I believe women are afraid of to.
