Another nightly thought. My brain is full of them when I subtle down for the night XD
liamson once told me to be myself because the guys that I will attract will not be suitable to who I really am, but the facade. Being an INFP, there is a lot of shame that comes along with it. We tend to be depicted as sensitive cry babies that are without a backbone. I don't fall under that description, but I care about how it labels me. But I do feel. And often in my relationships I have tried to be someone who I am not, to please the other. To keep myself appealing. I guess had abandonment issues lol, which doesn't coincide with my family... Since I have two parents that are still together and in my life.
Anywho, this shame I feel about who I am- weaknesses and all- makes me want to hide it all. But then I am not being fully myself. It's such a bad thing to say, but I guess I have the mentality that no man would want to be with me unless I was somehow useful to him. If I wasn't dramatic, if I didn't argue, if I didn't 'whip', if I was the perfect Christian wife- Godly woman and all- that I may be accepted by my husband. That he may not leave me because I have value in his eyes.
I know this all faulty thinking, and I need to watch myself and what type of man I allow in my life because this type of mentality can lead me straight into an abusive relationship. That's why I decided to take a year (that turned into 6) off from dating, I wanted to be careful with my choice of men that enter my life.