Should someone who has been divorced remarry?

kaytyndy · Jun 5, 2013

you can only remarry if the partner is unfaithful.............

matthew 5:31-32

'it has been said, "anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce" But i tell you anyone who divorces his wife, EXCEPT FOR MARITAL UNFAITHFULNESS, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
our lord Jesus does not love divorces thats why marriages are - for better or for worse, but JESUS approves when unfaithfulness comes in. This means, if one divorces because of unfaithfulness and decides to marry again, there is nothing wrong. but if the divorce is caused by other issues, then remarrying takes place, then that's adultery=SIN

Link · Jun 5, 2013

kaytyndy said:

you can only remarry if the partner is unfaithful.............

matthew 5:31-32

'it has been said, "anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce" But i tell you anyone who divorces his wife, EXCEPT FOR MARITAL UNFAITHFULNESS, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
our lord Jesus does not love divorces thats why marriages are - for better or for worse, but JESUS approves when unfaithfulness comes in. This means, if one divorces because of unfaithfulness and decides to marry again, there is nothing wrong. but if the divorce is caused by other issues, then remarrying takes place, then that's adultery=SIN

Btw, that verse is talking about a husband divorcing a wife. Do you know of a verse that says the wife can remarry and be guilt free if the husband is unfaithful?

kaytyndy · Jun 6, 2013

that verse refers to both sides.....in the Jewish culture, women were not in much consideration and that's why its not indicating the women portion.sorry to say this but i stand corrected(women and children were categorized as same)........a good example Luke 9:14 when Jesus fed 5000 people, it didn't state the presence of women but definitely, there were women present.
it is applying to both sides

dashadow · Jun 6, 2013

Yes, if they are a glutton for punishment. Just kidding!

I would definitely go a second round, unofficially.

colalella2891 · Jun 7, 2013

presidente said:

There's no question that God hates divorce, but that doesn't mean He expects you to stick with that person if they're not right to be married to.

I know SO MANY spiritual people who have gotten divorces. Do you know who Bishop Joseph Garlington is??? He's the leader of CCOP. He's one of the most spiritual people i've ever met, he KNOWS the Bible, and even he's gotten a divorce and remarried a very Godly woman.

I can't believe that you think God would force someone to stay with another person who completely dishonors, betrays, and mistreats them. God is way more understanding than you portray Him to be.

presidente · Jun 7, 2013

colalella2891 said:

Where do you get that idea, from the Bible I mean? Or do you have some other means of trying to discern God's will on the matter?

The way you put it "if they're not right to be married to" makes it sound kind of easy to get a divorce. Let's say you have a big fight with your spouse or experience the equivalent of 'buyer's remorse' and what do you do? You can tell yourself the person is not right to be married to, and just dump your spouse, get a unilateral divorce and marry someone else.

Let's say you get married to a woman who turns out to be disrespectful and quarrelsome. She doesn't take baths and she runs up international long distance bills from the country you got her from, and you just divorce her over that. Then you marry another. What does that make you? An adulterer.

Is it okay to be an adulterer if the first spouse was 'not right to be married to?' How could choosing a poor spouse make it okay for people to sin against God by committing adultery?

I don't know this man you mention or what he is like. And I don't know why he got a divorce, so I'm not commenting on him personally. But if someone divorces and remarries adulterously and thinks that's okay, and doesn't repent over it, I wouldn't call such a person spiritual. And you can know the Bible very well without even being a Christian. There are 'bishops' in some denominations who have studied the Bible in depth who aren't even Christians. Again, I'm not talking about this man you mentioned who I know nothing about other than what you've told me. I just don't think the 'So and so did something and he is spiritual' line of reasoning is one you should pursue in determining what is right or wrong.

Let's say the topic were murder, and I were to say that so and so murdered someone, but he is the most spiritual person I know. Again, I don't know the circumstances of his divorce. I'm just pointing out the problem with the reasoning.

Things are changing. On page one, you were saying it was okay for someone who is divorced to be remarried, without the qualifiers. Now, the situation involves dishonor, betrayal, and mistreatment.

But yes, I believe that God can expect someone to stay with a spouse who dishonors, betrays, and mistreats them. In fact, probably most spouses have done all these things to some degree or another to their own spouse. In fact, if someone isn't committed enough to marriage to put up with being dishonored, betrayed, or mistreated in some fashion, that person probably won't remain married for many years and will probably get a divorce or just run away. And many believers have done some of these things to Christ to some degree or another by sinning after conversion, and He has not abandoned them.

colalella2891 · Jun 7, 2013

@Presidente

I just can't agree with what you said... I mean there's this one woman at my church who has gotten like 3 or 4 divorces. One of her husbands ended up being gay and having sex with another man, one ended up having sex with her sister, and other crazy stuff. And you'd expect her to stick with those type of guys??? God surely doesn't. I've heard people get prophetic words telling them to get out of their marriage because it was a poisonous relationship.

My parents got a divorce and my mom isn't even thinking about remarrying right now because she doesn't think it's worth it. But if she fell in love with another man who's willing to treat her better, and she'd actually end up marry him, you'd call that a sin??? I just can't agree with that.

I'm gonna have to ask a pastor or someone else about this to give you a better explanation on why it's okay to remarry after divorce. If they tell me otherwise, i'll come back on here and admit I was wrong.

bennyroberts · Jun 7, 2013

I AM WITH YOU ON THIS TOPIC, WHEN A DIVORCED IS CONSIDERED, INSTEAD OF LOOKING FOR OUR NEEDS, WE SHOULD BE LOOKING TO GOD AND TO hHS WORD, WE BECOME DESENSITIZED BY WHAT HAPPENS AROUND US. iT IS GRACE THAT KEEPS A DIVORCED WOMAN OR MAN SINGLE. THAT GRACE IS SUFFICIENT.

fiona7 · Jun 7, 2013

in the bible it stated that if you are a christian you should not be the one to decide for separation unless your partner decides ..and if you are separated after your partner have decided you will still commit adultery if you will remarry if he/she is still alive. the scripture says that when your husband/wife commits adultery then that is the time you shall be free..the time you got married you were united as one ...but if he/she commits adultery then your union with your husband/wife is broken ofcourse. it is the only reason that divorce is allowed..which i understand that if you are free then you can remarry not commiting adultery.

secularhermit · Jun 7, 2013

@Stasia

Perhaps I'm not that secular person you mentioned, but allow me to say this: Are we forgotten by God and not by men/women?

I can ignore those who are unwilling to forgive, no matter if I apologize or not, but GRACE allows me to re-marry. The failure of divorce TEACHES and loneliness is not a good friend (that's why the Chruch exists).

It is hoped no one never face that fate.

secularhermit · Jun 7, 2013

Oh! I meant FORGIVEN (but forgotten fits too).

fiona7 · Jun 7, 2013

although in the bible says that the unfaithful woman..so a man can be free ..i just dont know if a woman can be allowed after his husband commits adultery..but if we study this carefully, the union of a husband and a wife is what God wants us to understand..You are made one because of God and if you commit adultery .then how can it be one..?death and adultery of your partner is the only reason for divorce.

mase47 · Jun 9, 2013

yes some one who has been divorced should re - marry
but on my side why do i need this to happen what i do is to be specific and transparent to my partner mainly because in this world you can not get some one who is in your hand at first . well as each and every has his or her own behavior and even hear in Uganda under my tribe and religion it is not advisable to separate with you partner even if you went in church for married sacrament of not yet . it is dvaised to be in marriage for your death neither in rich ness or poverty

RedTent · Jun 9, 2013

All though our life we have to weigh values. We simply aren't perfect, if everyone followed God's way there would be no need for divorce in the first place.

When you marry, you have become one with someone. That is how God sees it. If that person becomes one with someone else, it is against how God created the world. Lots of men in the OT did this, and they were often forgiven but they always had to pay, too. David, beloved by God, had his first son with Bathsheba taken from him in death. That is why God sent His Son, because things like this happen. We can be wiped clean, death through the sin can be entirely taken away with repentance and forgiveness in Christ. We can "forget what lays behind".

In God's eyes, it would be better for you to never be one with anyone but who you first united with. God also wants joy and abundance for us. Can you achieve this without marriage? Some people can and some can't. We are told that always, marriage is better than "to burn". Sex without including all the oneness that legal marriage is does amount to sin that is death. That is where the weight of sins has to come in. We don't live in a perfect world, we are forced to manage it best we can. After we do the best we can, put on the whole armor of God, and look at it through God's eyes, we can have absolute faith in our walk. For some that means remarriage, for some that means never marry again.

Christ's power to forgive is no excuse to sin, but it is always there for us. Any day, for any one, we have that available. It doesn't mean we are excused from the results of our misbehavior, but it does mean that we can live with God cleansed completely.

presidente · Jun 10, 2013

kaytyndy said:

I'd like to point out that 'marital unfaithfulness' is a HORRIFICALLY BAD TRANSLATION of 'porneia'. There are lots of nonsexual ways to be unfaithful in marriage. But the Greek word here does not even inhere the idea of marriage. Some would say 'fornication' is sexuality before marriage. I suppose you can argue it means a broad array of sexual immorality condemned in the Old Testament, and there has been a debate in a theological journal about just that.

'Sexual immorality' is lose enough. It interprets one understanding of the word for the reader, and 'sexual immorality' includes things that are not porneia (withholding sex in marriage for example.)

Also, the verse uses a word for 'fornication', not the word for adultery.

our lord Jesus does not love divorces thats why marriages are - for better or for worse, but JESUS approves when unfaithfulness comes in. This means, if one divorces because of unfaithfulness and decides to marry again, there is nothing wrong. but if the divorce is caused by other issues, then remarrying takes place, then that's adultery=SIN[/QUOTE]

RickShafer · Jun 10, 2013

God is full of mercy.
He let David keep Uriah's wife, though it cost him a bucket load.

I think God 's grace is sufficient for the children's sake. - (as two parents are usually better than one).

presidente · Jun 10, 2013

colalella2891 said:

That's some pretty messed up stuff. What I'm thinking though, is, how does a woman choose men like this over and over again. It makes you suspect she's not good at choosing partners. Maybe certain types of partners self-select out of marrying women who've been divorced multiple times.

I don't know the situation, but if a prophetic word flatly contradicts the teachings of Christ, that's cause for concern or alarm. I heard about a woman who told her church that God had told her that she was supposed to divorce her husband and this other guy was supposed to divorce his wife so they could marry. The elders discussed it and stated they rejected her 'revelation' as false because it contradicted God's word.

If someone is divorced wrongly then those passages in Matthew 19 and I Corinthians 7 apply. Do you think she is exempt from the principles of scripture?

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Sometimes some pastors are wrong. Uh-oh.

Have you noticed that pastors have different viewpoints on things? Let me ask you this, do you think the divorce rate is supposed to be as high as it is, even among professing Christians? If your answer is 'no' then you need to ask why it is so high. I propose that one of the reasons is the tolerance for sin when it comes to divorce in churches. Americans have this philosophy of 'mind your own business' and we've lost much of the concept and experience of community. Churches are more about staring at the back of other people's heads than being in community with them. The preacher who preaches hard on the topic of divorce may face rejection and ridicule, and it may effect the church budget. So there is a temptation to treat lightly on the topic. And some people respond to the lack of teaching by being more lax about divorce, especially as the culture promotes and tolerates it even for frivolous reasons. We even end up with church leaders who have been divorced without Biblical justification who are of course inclined to justify their experiences. I propose these are some of the reasons divorce is so common in the church.

Keep in mind also, in addition to the obligations that come from Christ and the writings of Paul on married couples, western Christians typical partake in an extra-Biblical tradition of 'wedding vows', agreeing to stay with their spouses 'till death do us part.' Many of these promises make no exception for adultery. If you say the exception clause in Matthew allows for divorce in the case of some forms of sexual immorality, how does that free someone from the obligation to fulfill their promises made on their wedding?

Rather than relying on pastors, doesn't it make sense to really study the words of Christ in the Gospels and through Paul in I Corinthians 7, and have your own internal convictions based on the word?

If you are single, it makes a whole lot more sense going through the mate-selection process and going into marriage with a very anti-divorce attitude. As a young man, I realized if I made a poor choice, I was 'stuck' with the results of my decision. If I chose someone who left me, I could be in a situation where I was without 'companionship', possibly not being able to remarry in good conscience. Then, when I met her, I wanted to be careful because I didn't want to get her stuck with me if I wasn't good for her.

Do you believe that someone who divorces his wife or her husband for any old reason is okay to remarry? What is your understanding of that?

RickShafer · Jun 10, 2013

No.
Marrage is sacred.
It is one of the three ordinations:
1) Family(marriage)
2) Church
3) Government

No one wants to see anyone divorced.
But put yourself in a pastor's shoes. - Are you going to forbid it?

Fine. Go ahead. But remember two things.....
A). They will find someone else to perform the ceremony
B), This is how the 'scarlet' letter started - a woman trying to remarry who they called an adulterer.

inHistime · Jun 10, 2013

Having read all the comments here, I can only say one thing. "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Rom. 8:28

We probably do not need to say wether it is right or wrong for them to remarry, but we can offer prayers and support for guidance that they may observe and do the will of God in their lives.

Mo0448 · Jun 10, 2013

Hello,

This is a great topic and one that always leads to great debates. There is much scripture on it as well.

1 Corinthians 7

8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

In Matthew 9 Jesus states the only reason one should get a divorce is due to sexual immorality. Another scripture which I can't recall where it's located states that unless your husband / wife is keeping you from serving God you should not divorce them. My thought process though is why do people go straight into divorce instead of reconcile and forgiveness 70 times 7 was what Jesus stated. That is even if its done every second of every day you should forgive.

Reminds me of a personal friend who once asked me to pray for her to find a new husband ( I am sure she won't mind me giving her story) my first question was what's wrong with the current one? And she gave various excuses and justifications (as several mentioned people do) as to why she needed a divorce and a new person. I suggested to "tweak" her prayer a little and prayed that God change HER and her husband so that they can reconcile and continue to carry on the relationship they vowed to have when they married. After a month or so she had told me that things had gotten much better and she and her husband feel like completely new people and have never been happier.

My question now is what would have happened if she had gotten a divorce instead? I believe a vast majority of us myself included have been spoon fed by society the "microwave mentality" where we need things fast and hassle free, where in reality things are not that black and white. We constantly need to rely on God's time which can be quick but can also take 40 years in the desert

Take Care

God Bless

Should someone who has been divorced remarry?

kaytyndy

Guest

Link

Guest

kaytyndy

Guest

dashadow

Guest

colalella2891

Guest

Senior Member

colalella2891

Guest

bennyroberts

Guest

fiona7

Guest

Banned

Banned

fiona7

Guest

mase47

Guest

Banned

Senior Member

Banned

Senior Member

Banned

inHistime

Guest

Senior Member