I'm a good girl but guys don't like me

[Balletlover]

Hello everyone this is my first thread! I wanted to ask a quick question. See I'm 24 and I consider myself to be a good girl. I hardly go out, I've never been inside a club, don't drink, smoke or do any drugs and I'm a virgin. I try to hold myself accountable for my actions and I know that anything I say and do is reflected on God because when nonbelievers see and talk to me, I have to represent Christ to them. If they were to see me drink for example, that wouldn't be a great reflection of our heavenly Father.

Anyways, I am humble about all this. I'm actually very shy and have always had a hard time making friends. I just find it kinda upsetting that most guys seem to not like me as more than a friend. I am fit and I try to look my best but it still doesn't work. I don't mean to sound proud but I do feel I am a good person. At least I try to be. It's just so disheartening when I meet a Christian guy who is sweet with me but never takes it further than friendship.

Like I got really close to this one guy we'll call him David at church. He had a girlfriend at the time and he was always complaining about how she was materialistic, a non-believer and very selfish. But then he would talk about how pretty she was and how he knew he was going to change her someday. I on the other hand tried to show him that maybe he could be happy with me. But it never worked. I even opened up to him about me saving myself for marriage and he didn't even care! I never told him I liked him but I did become his friend, hoping that maybe he would see what a great girl I am lol yeah right!

Later on I found out he was sleeping with this girlfriend of his and that he would go clubbing and drinking. I really cared about this guy. I just don't know what to think anymore. I'm so hurt that the Christian men that I have found are not really living the Christian life. Are there any real Christian men out there who would really cherish a virtuous wife? Because to me it doesn't seem that way.

But of course I will always stick to my morals even if I remain single for the rest of my life. I just find it hurtful to think it might not happen.

 

[Nuns_n_roses]

Hmmm I'm always friend-zoned too... It's really weird! We're great catches. They're missing out.

 

[woka]

I want to share with you what the Lord told me to share with you this morning have you ever seen a rianbow?, when you and I look at it we see the half of it, touching from one side of the earth to the other. However when you go skydiving you actually get to see lots and lots of rainbows in the sky as you are falling.

They are all a complete circle, complete circle, isn't that awesome? So here on this earth we only ever get to see half the picture there is a whole world of things happening on the other side we never get to see. The Lord however get's to see it all the time, and knows the bigger picture.

He knows the bigger picture with you too, hang in there, He knows the desires of your heart, because He put them there is the first place, and those desires are there to be fulfilled.

God Bless

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hello everyone this is my first thread! I wanted to ask a quick question. See I'm 24 and I consider myself to be a good girl. I hardly go out, I've never been inside a club, don't drink, smoke or do any drugs and I'm a virgin. I try to hold myself accountable for my actions and I know that anything I say and do is reflected on God because when nonbelievers see and talk to me, I have to represent Christ to them. If they were to see me drink for example, that wouldn't be a great reflection of our heavenly Father.

Anyways, I am humble about all this. I'm actually very shy and have always had a hard time making friends. I just find it kinda upsetting that most guys seem to not like me as more than a friend. I am fit and I try to look my best but it still doesn't work. I don't mean to sound proud but I do feel I am a good person. At least I try to be. It's just so disheartening when I meet a Christian guy who is sweet with me but never takes it further than friendship.

Like I got really close to this one guy we'll call him David at church. He had a girlfriend at the time and he was always complaining about how she was materialistic, a non-believer and very selfish. But then he would talk about how pretty she was and how he knew he was going to change her someday. I on the other hand tried to show him that maybe he could be happy with me. But it never worked. I even opened up to him about me saving myself for marriage and he didn't even care! I never told him I liked him but I did become his friend, hoping that maybe he would see what a great girl I am lol yeah right!

Later on I found out he was sleeping with this girlfriend of his and that he would go clubbing and drinking. I really cared about this guy. I just don't know what to think anymore. I'm so hurt that the Christian men that I have found are not really living the Christian life. Are there any real Christian men out there who would really cherish a virtuous wife? Because to me it doesn't seem that way.

But of course I will always stick to my morals even if I remain single for the rest of my life. I just find it hurtful to think it might not happen.

I usually steer away from threads like this but I feel I should say something here because a part of me wants to help you.. It sounds like you are a little bit desperate to find a boyfriend and guys can sense this and it kind of scares them away. Its the same way when a guy is desperate to find a gf. Women can tell when a guy is desperate also and it makes them unattractive.

Instead of focusing on your loneliness, focus on what a good person you are and how you go the extra mile to please God. Be happy with who you are. What you have are real virtues and if you can stop focusing on whats missing in your life and instead be content with who you are and confident and joyful in your walk with God then you will find that men will become very attracted to you (maybe more than you would like!). A woman who is at ease with herself and seems happy and confident in life will be attractive to men. I hope that helps. God bless.

 

[kenisyes]

Sometimes it takes a while to find a good guy. That's what you deserve, and that's what God has for you. Hang in there. Guys mature slower than girls. It will happen.

 

[kenthomas27]

Well, Balletlover, so you don't drink or do drugs and you're a virgin and you're accountable for your own actions, and you're a follower of Christ and have honesty and integrity - so what is there to like exactly? Oh, and you stay fit and are humble - another couple of strikes.

The trouble with girls like you is you always seem to get all hurt over some loser - someone who TRULY doesn't deserve you - and then you think YOU"RE the one who's not desireable? Waaay wrong.

One a kind women sometimes have to wait around for the one of a kind guy. Not everybody's gonna do....

 

[Searching4Truth]

Someone will eventually see how beautiful you truly are. Keep your chin up and keep hoping.

 

[yac11]

Hello everyone this is my first thread! I wanted to ask a quick question. See I'm 24 and I consider myself to be a good girl. I hardly go out, I've never been inside a club, don't drink, smoke or do any drugs and I'm a virgin. I try to hold myself accountable for my actions and I know that anything I say and do is reflected on God because when nonbelievers see and talk to me, I have to represent Christ to them. If they were to see me drink for example, that wouldn't be a great reflection of our heavenly Father.

Anyways, I am humble about all this. I'm actually very shy and have always had a hard time making friends. I just find it kinda upsetting that most guys seem to not like me as more than a friend. I am fit and I try to look my best but it still doesn't work. I don't mean to sound proud but I do feel I am a good person. At least I try to be. It's just so disheartening when I meet a Christian guy who is sweet with me but never takes it further than friendship.

Like I got really close to this one guy we'll call him David at church. He had a girlfriend at the time and he was always complaining about how she was materialistic, a non-believer and very selfish. But then he would talk about how pretty she was and how he knew he was going to change her someday. I on the other hand tried to show him that maybe he could be happy with me. But it never worked. I even opened up to him about me saving myself for marriage and he didn't even care! I never told him I liked him but I did become his friend, hoping that maybe he would see what a great girl I am lol yeah right!

Later on I found out he was sleeping with this girlfriend of his and that he would go clubbing and drinking. I really cared about this guy. I just don't know what to think anymore. I'm so hurt that the Christian men that I have found are not really living the Christian life. Are there any real Christian men out there who would really cherish a virtuous wife? Because to me it doesn't seem that way.

But of course I will always stick to my morals even if I remain single for the rest of my life. I just find it hurtful to think it might not happen.

I want to encourage you that God is watching all of us. I know this for sure. As long as you stay true to God you will be eventually blessed. To me you are very blessed just knowing God as you do right now. Knowing what God expects and desires from you. You are on the right path.

Remember ....any one can all themselves anything they want. But as you have found out to be a Christian is more than uttering the words out of one's mouth. It's walking the walk.

Father,

I pray that balletlover continues to keep you ever so close. That you wrap your arms around her and take away sadness when she starts to doubt her place in this world. Remind her who she is and that you are smiling down on her and see her righteousness. Give her the fruit of Patience so that she can endure the wait on your supreme timing. In Jesus name Amen

 

[JimJimmers]

LOL, my first thought was, "Bullet Lover? A lot of guys love shooting sports." Then I saw it was Ballet Lover. Anyway, more to my point, I would thank God that He kept you away from the man you mentioned, he was bad news for such a lady as yourself. And yes indeed, there are Christian men who care about virtuous women. But you have to be careful, some are just jerks disguised as nice guys.

 

[Balletlover]

I usually steer away from threads like this but I feel I should say something here because a part of me wants to help you.. It sounds like you are a little bit desperate to find a boyfriend and guys can sense this and it kind of scares them away. Its the same way when a guy is desperate to find a gf. Women can tell when a guy is desperate also and it makes them unattractive.

Instead of focusing on your loneliness, focus on what a good person you are and how you go the extra mile to please God. Be happy with who you are. What you have are real virtues and if you can stop focusing on whats missing in your life and instead be content with who you are and confident and joyful in your walk with God then you will find that men will become very attracted to you (maybe more than you would like!). A woman who is at ease with herself and seems happy and confident in life will be attractive to men. I hope that helps. God bless.

Actually I really don't think I seem desperate. I have serious social anxiety to the point where I go into the bathroom and stay there for a while so that I won't have to talk to people. I was bullied a lot in school so I've always been this way. It wasn't just verbally but physically too. I was beaten in first grade and my tooth fell off. I remember skipping classes in high school because there was going to be a party that period and I couldn't be social. I would literally hide in the restroom stall the entire period!

This guy that I liked seemed really nice to me and I guess I just fell for him quickly because he's been the first Christian guy that I meet who is close to my age. But even then I have always been really quiet with him. I never start the conversation first and he was the one who would call and text me. Sometimes I get confused because people tell me to not be desperate but I'm so shy people are always telling me to be confident and friendly. I guess I need to find an in between. Sometimes after service I wanted to approach him to talk but I was way too shy so I would just leave and he was the one that would come looking for me.

I'm just upset that all my life my family and even church people have told me that waiting for marriage will land me a great guy. Or that Christian men love women with the traits that I have. It's disappointing to know that even Christian men seem to want worldly women. I know I'm still kinda young but all this is discouraging.

 

[Balletlover]

Well, Balletlover, so you don't drink or do drugs and you're a virgin and you're accountable for your own actions, and you're a follower of Christ and have honesty and integrity - so what is there to like exactly? Oh, and you stay fit and are humble - another couple of strikes.

The trouble with girls like you is you always seem to get all hurt over some loser - someone who TRULY doesn't deserve you - and then you think YOU"RE the one who's not desireable? Waaay wrong.

One a kind women sometimes have to wait around for the one of a kind guy. Not everybody's gonna do....

Girls like me? Hmmm...you really don't know anything about me to make such a generalized assumption. It's hard to have any confidence and feel good about myself because I've been through a lot. I was teased in school, beaten and whenever I fell I was laughed at. I barely graduated high school because I would skip classes just so that I didn't have to see other students. I would hide in the bathroom stall for hours just waiting to go home. I never go out because I don't have friends, much less a boyfriend. A few years ago I was suicidal. My dad went to jail and my stepdad divorced my mom. I just felt like the men in my life never wanted me. When I met this guy I just though it was meant to be. I would dream about him and he just seemed like a really good person. He was actually nice to me. Can you blame me for falling for him when no one else my age would even talk to me?!

I know now that he probably wasn't the right guy for me but don't talk to me about "girls like me". Stop making assumptions of people before you even know them.

 

[kenisyes]

I'm just upset that all my life my family and even church people have told me that waiting for marriage will land me a great guy.

I wish I could tell you something different, but that's what worked for me. And the social anxiety will be meaningless with the right person.

 

[Nautilus]

not to be the wet blanket but perhaps they see you as dull? I mean your choices are your own and I respect that, but you take a very hard stance. Like drinking, Im not interested in a girl that doesnt want to go out on occasion and get a fancy cocktail or something. Its not unchristian to do so. So when given choices between a hardliner and someone a little more free...they may just be picking free.

 

[niceguyJ]

Hi Balletlover. I hope you find some friends and support here at CC.

First off, it's good that you're trying to be virtuous. Please continue that. Jesus never told us it would be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. Just remember we are the servants, He is the master. So keep living for Him, no matter what you get or don't get out of life. We shouldn't live for Him because we're trying to get something from Him.. Ideally we live for Him because He first loved us. Try your best to let Him be your everything.
That said, I'm not dismissing your longing to be with a man. That's not wrong by any means. Most people aren't really called to be single, so to speak. Just don't let it become such a focus in your life that it causes you to miss what God has for you in the here and now.

I'm going to point out something I didn't see anyone else mention. I'll probably take some flak for it, and someone will say I'm being a jerk, but I'm not writing this to gain anyone's praise or approval. I want you to think about your actions. You're not completely innocent here.
In part of your message what you said pointed to you basically trying to steal the guy away from the girl he was already with by showing him how much better you are. I would never condone that. It's not a noble thing to do.

Moving on...I went through some stuff in high school too. Kids can be very mean and cold hearted. It seems like you came out the other side of that okay though. By the grace of God, you survived. You may look back on it someday, if you haven't already, and realize it has shaped you into a better person in ways. Perhaps being treated so poorly has actually made you more aware of how you treat people, so you are more likely to take their feelings into consideration.

You also mentioned social anxiety. I used to be the poster child for that pretty much. I can still be a bit shy on occasion, but more often than not I'm not anymore. There isn't anything wrong with being shy at all. Many people even think it's a cute trait in the opposite sex. I do hate to hear that you have so much fear about social situations though. I prayed a lot about my issues with such things. However, God doesn't often just cure us or heal of something right away with no effort on our part. He can if he wants to, because He is God..but we might not learn as much that way. So what works? I was forced into interacting with people more through my work and other avenues. To get over social anxiety you really do have to take some baby steps and put yourself out there. It could be something as simple as just going up to someone at church you don't normally talk to and saying "hello" and asking them how they're doing. It doesn't have to be a long conversation...just take baby steps. The more practice you get interacting with people, the better you'll get at it. If you try and feel like you crash and burn miserably, don't worry too much about it. Don't beat yourself up over it. Be glad that you did try. Trying is moving forward. Get up and try again. Eventually, you'll get there. Experience truly is a great teacher.

Your past is a part of your life, but it certainly doesn't have to define you. Today is a new day, and you can work to be whoever you want to be, but more importantly who God wants you to be.
I'm not sure if you have any older ladies in your life that you can go to now for encouragement and support, ladies who might be able to mentor you a bit. If you could find one or some, that'd be great. There are some really Godly women right here on CC too that you might learn a thing or three from. A Godly woman in person would be even better though.

In closing, I just want to remind you that God loves you right where you are. I encourage you to keep seeking Him and growing. Work on things that you may need to work on. Keep your focus on Him and how you can become a better person rather than thinking about guys and worrying that you won't find someone. You are still quite young. A focused, spiritually mature, Godly woman will attract the same in a man. Of course everyone who claims to be a Christian doesn't live it. Stay close to God and let the holy spirit guide you. It will save you a lot of heartache. You just might find that while you're doing your best to stay in God's will the right guy will show up alongside you. Once again though, try to serve God because He first loved you, not for any other reason.

May God bless you and keep you.

 

[kenthomas27]

Girls like me? Hmmm...you really don't know anything about me to make such a generalized assumption. It's hard to have any confidence and feel good about myself because I've been through a lot. I was teased in school, beaten and whenever I fell I was laughed at. I barely graduated high school because I would skip classes just so that I didn't have to see other students. I would hide in the bathroom stall for hours just waiting to go home. I never go out because I don't have friends, much less a boyfriend. A few years ago I was suicidal. My dad went to jail and my stepdad divorced my mom. I just felt like the men in my life never wanted me. When I met this guy I just though it was meant to be. I would dream about him and he just seemed like a really good person. He was actually nice to me. Can you blame me for falling for him when no one else my age would even talk to me?!

I know now that he probably wasn't the right guy for me but don't talk to me about "girls like me". Stop making assumptions of people before you even know them.

It's clear to me that I should never ever ever write again as you've taken everything I said the wrong way. I will never write anything again I promise. Good luck and God speed.

 

[Balletlover]

Wow talking about this is just making me feel awful. Does anyone know how I can delete my profile?

 

[Nuns_n_roses]

I apologize for any messages you may have received that were offensive in any way. Over the anonymity of the internet it is much easier to say hurtful things. You are here for help and it sounds like the real root of this problem is more that of self-esteem than anything.

Bullying negatively affects so many people but is hardly ever discussed. It leads to social anxiety, depression, self-harm, and so many other awful effects. I would like it if you would elaborate a little more on that, as it seems to be the real root of the problem.

 

[Chezz]

There is a guy out there for you just wait on Gods timing..

 

[Ugly]

Hello everyone this is my first thread! I wanted to ask a quick question. See I'm 24 and I consider myself to be a good girl. I hardly go out, I've never been inside a club, don't drink, smoke or do any drugs and I'm a virgin. I try to hold myself accountable for my actions and I know that anything I say and do is reflected on God because when nonbelievers see and talk to me, I have to represent Christ to them. If they were to see me drink for example, that wouldn't be a great reflection of our heavenly Father.

Anyways, I am humble about all this. I'm actually very shy and have always had a hard time making friends. I just find it kinda upsetting that most guys seem to not like me as more than a friend. I am fit and I try to look my best but it still doesn't work. I don't mean to sound proud but I do feel I am a good person. At least I try to be. It's just so disheartening when I meet a Christian guy who is sweet with me but never takes it further than friendship.

Like I got really close to this one guy we'll call him David at church. He had a girlfriend at the time and he was always complaining about how she was materialistic, a non-believer and very selfish. But then he would talk about how pretty she was and how he knew he was going to change her someday. I on the other hand tried to show him that maybe he could be happy with me. But it never worked. I even opened up to him about me saving myself for marriage and he didn't even care! I never told him I liked him but I did become his friend, hoping that maybe he would see what a great girl I am lol yeah right!

Later on I found out he was sleeping with this girlfriend of his and that he would go clubbing and drinking. I really cared about this guy. I just don't know what to think anymore. I'm so hurt that the Christian men that I have found are not really living the Christian life. Are there any real Christian men out there who would really cherish a virtuous wife? Because to me it doesn't seem that way.

But of course I will always stick to my morals even if I remain single for the rest of my life. I just find it hurtful to think it might not happen.

Sorry, but you're only 23 and already sounding desperate. Its amazing how many people are so young and act like they're never meet anyone.
Really, you shouldn't focus on dating or marriage at all. God didn't put us on this earth for marriage, but for His own purposes. Marriage is fine. But it should not be the goal of believers. More like something that we may, or may not, enter into, depending on the people and circumstances.
You say that your 'goodness' isn't a pride issue, but in reality it is. You are doing all the right things, but you seem to believe all these good works should get you something. Eventually what will happen is you will become angry and bitter towards God because you will feel robbed that you did all of these 'good works' and got nothing in return. Then the pendulum swings the other way and you become the very thing you always tried to avoid. Don't do good for God with the expectation you're going to get some visible reward. We are often times rewarded in heaven and won't see the fruits of out good deeds until then.
Also, you will want to check your hearts real reason for your choices. Are you doing 'good works' so that you can show it to God and say 'see, i've done right, now gimme'? Sounds kind of like your attitude. Its great you're doing these things. You're avoiding a lot of pain and heartache by not doing them. But don't expect that doing them is going to merit some kind of special reward.

And this whole idea of trying to show how great you are to a guy already in a relationship? You need to check that thinking. He was in a relationship. Good or bad, he was not available, yet here you are chasing after him anyways. His immaturity and lack of understanding of people was right in your face the entire time, showing you he wasn't worth your time, to top it off. So you chased a guy in a relationship who was showing you he wasn't worth being with to begin with. It seems your conviction of being a 'good girl' has somewhat blinded you to some of the mistakes you are making.

Also, this broad generalization that because you haven't met a certain type of man at your young age, that means there are none out there, is a wrong mentality. Don't judge 3 billion people on the few bad choices you've made. Why not wait on God? Maybe you're not meeting anyone because you're not ready, and God knows this. You may be doing lots of 'good' things, but that doesn't mean you have all aspects of understanding right. You are off to a good start, but you still seem to have a lot to learn. This is where i see the pride. You think because of some of your good actions, that you understand more than you really do. You have no 'arrived' spiritually. Christianity is perpetual growth, spiritually and as a person. If you think you're in a good spot and can sit there and settle because of it, you are wrong. You have a good foundation to continue growing on, but it's not a place to stop and grow stagnant because of your 'goodness'.

 

[AprilAngel]

Sorry to say this may be a bit harsh but other posters here seem to be telling you what you want to hear while others share biblical truths. Thing is a few posters are right: You need to wait on God! Everything in his timing. And remember marriage was not promised to anyone. You must realize you are already in the most important relationship of your life for the rest of your life; you are already married, to God! Fall back on his constant love, do some soul searching and find things that you need to change.

God bless and praying for you