I have a burndon... need advice

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jj_grant

Guest
#1
#1
I am 20 years old and my wife and I have been married for almost a year. We have a 7 month old daughter, but my wife left me on September 9th. I do not know what to do I have my family telling me to let her divorce me and then I have my heart telling me different. You see we have been through a lot with our families, her mother tried to pay her $1,000 and give her a 93' Buick if she were to dump me while we were dating, then when her mom found out that she was pregnant she offered her the baby own nursery and another car if she were to dump me, both of those times my wife told her no but now she left me and filed for divorce.

I was able to get temp visitation rights and normally when we you exchange our daughter her mom would be there to make sure we would not talk to each other but this last weekend her mother was not there and we were able to talk for about 45 minutes. I told her that I want her and our daughter back home and she told me that she would have to think about it. I do not know what to do today or Wednesday I am going to call her and let her know that I will not be able to pick our daughter up for the 4 hours of visitations that I get and she might tell me then.

I don't know what to do I love my wife and daughter so much and I know that her mom has a big influence on her so I am expecting her to say no. Does anyone have any advice?

Also I have/would not do anything that would/could be consider unfaithful to my wife my wife and my daughter is my everything.
 
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Jezreel

Guest
#2
#2
Wow! Her mother sounds like my mother! My mom offered my daughter plane tickets from back East to out here and told her that she would get her an apartment if she leave her husband. My mom is a racist. I prayed with my son in law over the phone and God took over from there. It sounds like your mother in law is operating in the spirit of Jezebel. We will agree in prayer that God would destroy the spirit of Jezebel and that no weapon formed against you will prosper. The man is the head of the wife and Christ is your head so you have a big advantage over the situation. You mother in law is just a fly on the ointment that needs to be gotten rid of. That may sound harsh but I had to remove my elderly mother who had been operating in that spirit for years and send her away so she would not cause jealousy and strife between my children with her money. My children were aware of what she was doing but it still hurt them. She is now with my brother and sister in law and we have peace and quiet here now. You have to go no contact with these kinds of people too unless they come to genuine repentance but at that age, their heart is so hardened that it is very rare. Keep the faith and do not allow the enemy to trick you or make you fall at this so important time of your walk that God is going to use to glorify himself between you and your wife. You wife sounds very weak. If she allows herself to be deceived, the consequences will be very bad, but, in a good way, so either way you will win. I would get a whole bunch more people to pray also. Why is she leaving in the first place that they are blaming you for something, what is it. You obviously made a mistake like all humans make mistakes that her mother in law in blowing out of porportion to use this situation as an advantage to her.
 
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jj_grant

Guest
#3
#3
Jezreel I asked her to get a job to help out with the bills, or to at lest help keep the house clean, and her mom told her that she did not have to do any of that. I never will/have laid a hand on my wife out of anger. they day she left her mom took her down to the sheriff department and got a Ex part'e filled with not but lies like I was abusing her, pushed her while she was pregnant, I was unlawfully imprisoning her were a few of the claims.
 
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broken

Guest
#4
#4
My mother in-law tried to get my wife to leave me as well. She's nice to me now and I suppose I've forgiven her. I wasn't pulling my weight at the time.

I have no words of wisdom for you brother. Your wife has to be willing to make things work as well. If not, it doesn't matter what you want. I prayed for my wife frequently before we got married. She was into some stuff she shouldn't have been. My advice is for you to pray for her frequently.

YOu may also take a long, hard look at self and make sure that self didn't have something to do with her leaving. Correct anything wrong there.

Other than that bro, prayer.
 
H

HisSon

Guest
#5
#5
Join the Marines. Become the man you are supposed to be. If you have a baby then become the daddy. You're 20 . Now you have to act like you're 30. Once you are strong with a job and responsibility and simultaneously become strong in the Lord and in the power of His might you will know what to do.You're just to weak right now to handle all this stuff. Grow up first. Babies having babies just leads to this kind of situation. But you can recover. Do the hard stuff first.
 
loveschild

loveschild

Banned
#6
May 21, 2009
3,955
25
0
#6
All I can think is why did your wife want to leave? Things must not of been ok. If you need to change then change. Somethings going on. I pray the best for you both.
 
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Jezreel

Guest
#7
#7
HisSon said:
Join the Marines. Become the man you are supposed to be. If you have a baby then become the daddy. You're 20 . Now you have to act like you're 30. Once you are strong with a job and responsibility and simultaneously become strong in the Lord and in the power of His might you will know what to do.You're just to weak right now to handle all this stuff. Grow up first. Babies having babies just leads to this kind of situation. But you can recover. Do the hard stuff first.
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Yikes!! The service doesn't make men into real men. Only the Lord Jesus can make a true real man. You need to give godly mature advice, not highminded idiotic crap.
 
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jj_grant

Guest
#8
#8
well thanks for the advice everyone as of being 20 and needing to act 30 I think that i do a good job of that I work full time, attain college full time, and d everything around that house matter of fact i am thinking about getting a part time job on top of everything else. I ask for help because I do not know what to do my family is telling one to let her go that I can do better without her, but my heart is telling me to try everything to get her back in our house. I told my mom and dad that this was my life and not theirs and even tho they did not want to keep their family together I DO!!
 
D

dovey

Guest
#10
#10
Be patient, kind, loving and stable...you guys are really young and if your wife sees those qualities in you it will eventually win her. No on can compete with Christ likeness!! And pray!! for God to make that possible...and show you things you can do to communicate love
 
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imoss

Banned
#11
Feb 27, 2007
3,179
19
0
#11
jj_grant said:
I am 20 years old and my wife and I have been married for almost a year. We have a 7 month old daughter, but my wife left me on September 9th. I do not know what to do I have my family telling me to let her divorce me and then I have my heart telling me different. You see we have been through a lot with our families, her mother tried to pay her $1,000 and give her a 93' Buick if she were to dump me while we were dating, then when her mom found out that she was pregnant she offered her the baby own nursery and another car if she were to dump me, both of those times my wife told her no but now she left me and filed for divorce.

I was able to get temp visitation rights and normally when we you exchange our daughter her mom would be there to make sure we would not talk to each other but this last weekend her mother was not there and we were able to talk for about 45 minutes. I told her that I want her and our daughter back home and she told me that she would have to think about it. I do not know what to do today or Wednesday I am going to call her and let her know that I will not be able to pick our daughter up for the 4 hours of visitations that I get and she might tell me then.

I don't know what to do I love my wife and daughter so much and I know that her mom has a big influence on her so I am expecting her to say no. Does anyone have any advice?

Also I have/would not do anything that would/could be consider unfaithful to my wife my wife and my daughter is my everything.
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I'm sorry but I got some comedic relief out of the offer of a 93 Buick in exchange for denying your love... for me the car would have had to be at least an 04 Lincoln to sell out my love... GOOD GRIEF that takes the cake! shakes head at the blatant disregard the mother has for the daughter & her family. All I can say to you is to do what you can to make it better (you werent very specific about whats going on) so do what you can, pray & put it in Gods hands to soften her heart. I wouldnt give up though, but then again I dont know your specific situation so its really hard to give constructive advise without the details. Remain faithful to her and pray and perhaps God will bless your family with unity.
 
S

shad

Guest
#12
#12
jj_grant said:
I don't know what to do I love my wife and daughter so much and I know that her mom has a big influence on her so I am expecting her to say no. Does anyone have any advice?

Also I have/would not do anything that would/could be consider unfaithful to my wife my wife and my daughter is my everything.
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imoss said:
I'm sorry but I got some comedic relief out of the offer of a 93 Buick in exchange for denying your love... for me the car would have had to be at least an 04 Lincoln to sell out my love... GOOD GRIEF that takes the cake! shakes head at the blatant disregard the mother has for the daughter & her family. All I can say to you is to do what you can to make it better (you werent very specific about whats going on) so do what you can, pray & put it in Gods hands to soften her heart. I wouldnt give up though, but then again I dont know your specific situation so its really hard to give constructive advise without the details. Remain faithful to her and pray and perhaps God will bless your family with unity.
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I am in agreement with imoss on this. You have a great opportunity to trust God with all your heart. Don't be negative toward your wife's Mom, just be kind to her and never make the mistake that many have made in giving up on your marriage. Get on your knees today and beseech God through supplication to give you a promise from His word and I will do this with you by proxy and believe God all the way through. Stay on your knees until you hear from God. There are two specific things I am going to pray and believe God for in your situation concerning your marriage and your mother-in-law. If imoss wants to do the same or anyone else we have a promise, that if two or more agree on anything on earth it shall be done for them of the Father which is in heaven Mt 18:19.
 
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mommygrace

Guest
#13
#13
Keep praying...Do all the romantic things you did when you were wooing her in the first place...show her how much you love her and your daughter. Bend over backwards to prove your love without compromising Truth. God will honor His word and He says "Husbands love your wives" Do everything you can to get mom in law out of the picture......she obviously has no respect for you, tour wife, your daughter or God!
 
loveschild

loveschild

Banned
#14
May 21, 2009
3,955
25
0
#14
I'm glad your a hard worker. That's a very good gift to have. My son just got a divorce. He's a very hard worker and a very good father. But him and his x loved themselves more than they did each other. It can't be like that. I don't know how you or your wife were. It's just very important to care about the other very much. Somtimes things happen so people will spend more time getting close to God. Or if only one person is doing all the trying to give of themselves it just doesn't work out either. The bad things that happen to us God can turn around for the good. Dig inside of yourself to keep your spirit up. Sometimes we have to just keep our spirit up no matter what is happening and hold on and wait expecting the best. God bless you, love
 
H

HebrewsTwelve18-24

Guest
#15
#15
shad said:
I am in agreement with imoss on this. You have a great opportunity to trust God with all your heart. Don't be negative toward your wife's Mom, just be kind to her and never make the mistake that many have made in giving up on your marriage. Get on your knees today and beseech God through supplication to give you a promise from His word and I will do this with you by proxy and believe God all the way through. Stay on your knees until you hear from God. There are two specific things I am going to pray and believe God for in your situation concerning your marriage and your mother-in-law. If imoss wants to do the same or anyone else we have a promise, that if two or more agree on anything on earth it shall be done for them of the Father which is in heaven Mt 18:19.
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Well that makes at least three. I pray that the Lord will intervene and restore your family to you and cleave you hearts together so that nothing will separate you.

I am praying for the Mother in Law as well that the Lord prevent her from doing any more damage, that he will stop her mouth from lies and that He will deliver her and do a good work in her and that she will be saved I pray that you will all have your relationships restored to that which the Lord would have them be.

My friend as broken says, don’t forget to search your own heart too and look to see if anything you are doing may be causing problems....at least it will not hurt to consider. Ask the Lord to search your heart and reveal to you anything that may be a cause for problems in your marriage and for guidance and wisdom on the best way to go forward.

But most of all...pray. Prayer is a mighty weapon and a great comfort in times of trouble. I will pray for you too.

May God bless you in this difficult time, guide you, strengthen, comfort you and give you wisdom and peace in your heart. <><
 
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imoss

Banned
#16
Feb 27, 2007
3,179
19
0
#16
mommygrace said:
Keep praying...Do all the romantic things you did when you were wooing her in the first place...show her how much you love her and your daughter. Bend over backwards to prove your love without compromising Truth. God will honor His word and He says "Husbands love your wives" Do everything you can to get mom in law out of the picture......she obviously has no respect for you, tour wife, your daughter or God!
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I disagree with the advise to get the motherinlaw out of the picture. this is his wifes mother and this would do more harm to their relationship than good. Everyone has something good about them, take that one little good thing about your mother in law and speak it to your heart over and over again until the focus is on that. I've dealt with a mother in law who intensely dislikes me for 19 years. If i can put up with her for my husband and my boys then anyone can. For even though she doesnt have good things in mind for me I can still honor her as the woman who raised my Husband & the grandma to my kids. & what a blessing my husband is!!! Dont be drawn into her controversy. for her negative speak positive no matter what the discussion. And yes, I join Shad and others in here in the prayer for the restoration of your family and a prayer dear Lord for the softening of the motherinlaws heart towards you that she may see the positive in you and stop stonewalling your marriage. I dont know where their faith lies but I further pray for a softening of hearts to Gods word that you may be a family united in Christ and washed by his blood. Praise the Lord cause Romans 8:28 states "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
 
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HebrewsTwelve18-24

Guest
#17
#17
imoss said:
I disagree with the advise to get the motherinlaw out of the picture. this is his wifes mother and this would do more harm to their relationship than good. Everyone has something good about them, take that one little good thing about your mother in law and speak it to your heart over and over again until the focus is on that. I've dealt with a mother in law who intensely dislikes me for 19 years. If i can put up with her for my husband and my boys then anyone can. For even though she doesnt have good things in mind for me I can still honor her as the woman who raised my Husband & the grandma to my kids. & what a blessing my husband is!!! Dont be drawn into her controversy. for her negative speak positive no matter what the discussion. And yes, I join Shad and others in here in the prayer for the restoration of your family and a prayer dear Lord for the softening of the motherinlaws heart towards you that she may see the positive in you and stop stonewalling your marriage. I dont know where their faith lies but I further pray for a softening of hearts to Gods word that you may be a family united in Christ and washed by his blood. Praise the Lord cause Romans 8:28 states "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
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Hmmmm.... Yes you are SO RIGHT. In the light of your words I feel that my words were unwise. I take back what I said earlier. You are SO RIGHT Imoss. Father forgive me. Imoss you have given a truly Christ like response and I Praise the Lord for You dear brother. Prayer is powerful and if it could change my heart (through the prayers of others) it can change anyone&#8217;s! May the Lord bless you richly for your Christ like heart.
 
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imoss

Banned
#18
Feb 27, 2007
3,179
19
0
#18
honestly, hebrews12 I thought you gave good advise... I just have the unique perspective of having to deal with someone who the best interest of my marriage & relationships are not in her heart. believe me, I have in word cut her out of our lives SEVERAL times... but in deed, after the dust from the fallout of being disrespected cleared, i was unable to do this TO my husband and her grandbabies. Thankfully my heart is kinda like rubber when it comes to her I keep forgiving... btw this is in Christ alone, cause the me who WAS me woulda eliminated her from our lives several times over, but Christ in me wont let me. & thank you for your nice words!
 
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mommygrace

Guest
#19
#19
The whole mother-in -law thing can be dealt with after things are patched up with his wife. God told man to leave Mother and Father and cleave to wife, In this case Mother in law is making that nigh impossible. She has proven that she does not want to see the relationship repaired. If she were not a problem I would not say to exclude her.We are told to withdraw from a brother who walks disorderly....this would apply. This dear couple needs help and the Mother in law is not a help.
 
S

SAHM2005

Guest
#20
#20
First of all, I have to say that your marriage with your wife is none of her mom's business. Your marriage is between you, her, and God. Did your wife ever say why she left? Instead of going to family about the situation, do you have a pastor you can confide in? Maybe God is speaking to you since you said your heart telling you different. Is your wife a believer? Had she been unfaithful to you? Have you expressed your love for her and the child you both have together? Most of 1 Corinthians 7 talks of marriage.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 corinthians 13:4-7

I hope and pray you keep these Bible verses in mind.

In Christ - SAHM2005

jj_grant said:
I am 20 years old and my wife and I have been married for almost a year. We have a 7 month old daughter, but my wife left me on September 9th. I do not know what to do I have my family telling me to let her divorce me and then I have my heart telling me different. You see we have been through a lot with our families, her mother tried to pay her $1,000 and give her a 93' Buick if she were to dump me while we were dating, then when her mom found out that she was pregnant she offered her the baby own nursery and another car if she were to dump me, both of those times my wife told her no but now she left me and filed for divorce.

I was able to get temp visitation rights and normally when we you exchange our daughter her mom would be there to make sure we would not talk to each other but this last weekend her mother was not there and we were able to talk for about 45 minutes. I told her that I want her and our daughter back home and she told me that she would have to think about it. I do not know what to do today or Wednesday I am going to call her and let her know that I will not be able to pick our daughter up for the 4 hours of visitations that I get and she might tell me then.

I don't know what to do I love my wife and daughter so much and I know that her mom has a big influence on her so I am expecting her to say no. Does anyone have any advice?

Also I have/would not do anything that would/could be consider unfaithful to my wife my wife and my daughter is my everything.
Click to expand...
 
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