need advice (wraning: heavy topic)

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SemperFidelis07

Guest
#1
Abortion seems to be a big topic on many Christian forums I'm on. Well, this subject got me thinking about an incident that happened to my sister. Pro-choicers talk about cases of rape or incest. Well...It's easy to say "don't blame the baby for the crimes of the rapist" until it's happened to you or someone you love.

My oldest sister was raped and beaten to within an inch of her life with a chain eight, nearly nine years ago by a man she once considered her friend. She was only 18 and she got pregnant and she made the choice to keep the baby. Her fiance (later that year, husband) agreed because it was her decision. But we would have totally sympathized with her if she decided to abort the pregnancy. However, what came out of this traumatic event for our family was a beautiful little girl. My sister bore a daughter, my little niece who I love more than anything and you know what, she and her husband had another little girl two years later.

As for the rapist, that scumbag got 35 years for rape and attempted murder. He nearly killed my sister, he raped and beat her with no remorse, and now he's getting what he deserves. And I hope one day he'll get to see the beautiful result of his crime that the Lord granted my sister. This beautiful angel of a little girl who will never acknowledge him as her father. He's going to be locked away for decades and when they finally release him (that is if he survives prison), he'll be branded a sex offender until the day he dies. She only visited him at the prison one time and that was in 2010. My sister looked that man dead in the eye through that glass and told him that she forgives him and loves him as a good Christian woman. Now I'm only telling you this because my sister speaks to rape victims and encourages them not to abort. I can only hope he finds Christ in prison because I know I can't forgive him for what he's done but I suppose I should because if he hadn't I wouldn't have my older niece.

Well, now I want to write this person a letter expressing my feelings to him that I kept in me for years. Now that I'm an adult, a proud uncle of two, a Marine veteran with two deployments, and a father to be, I want to write to him not out of spite but just the straight facts. Do you think I should? And what should I say. My sister didn't tell him about her daughter, she was very to-the-point with him. I will not succumb to hatred even though I can honestly say I hate him.



Please, if you're going to post scripture, explain how it's relevant.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#2
the last statement thru me for a minute because i almost always post scripture and for once wasn't planning on it....

I would write and tell him about Jesus.

Your sister has forgiven him and its not healthy for you to carry around hate in your heart for another.

I can't tell you why someone does what they do, more often then not they are demonically influenced or just weak and want to make themselves feel more powerful by physically dominating another person.

we can't change the heart of a person. however we can pray and ask God to cleanse them and show them their sins so they might repent and turn back to Him.

I would NOT mention your niece unless your sister says its ok. even then I would worry about their safety. yes he is suppose to be in there for a while but some people are let loose early for "good" behavior

perhaps you could talk to a pastor or someone about it?

I'm trying to imagine what my brothers would have done.....mmm good thing you didn't do what my brothers probably would have done...

I guess I'll leave you with a song...

Matthew West - Forgiveness (Lyrics) - YouTube

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lu5udXEZI[/video]
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
What do you hope to accomplish by writing this? Is it in hopes he'll change? Or just to vent your anger at him? Shame him?

Personally, i can't see any genuine benefit to it. It didn't happen to you. While i understand its your sister and that is still devastating to you, but nothing really happened between you and him that you need to do anything. Just my take.
 
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flight316

Guest
#4
Hey christian soldier, when a man beats your sister and rapes her that's as personal as it gets. However you decide to deal with this situation is between you God and the rapist. Until somebody walks in your shoes, they have no right to judge. Whatever you chose to do that will make you feel better, do it.
 

BillyTheKid

Senior Member
Feb 17, 2009
274
2
18
#5
I disagree. It isn't about "what makes you feel better". It is about what is right. I know that it can be tough dealing with situations like that. I also know it is hard to forgive someone that has done wrong to someone you love. I agree with Ugly on this one. You have to ask yourself what youare getting out of writing this type of letter. If it is out of hatred, or a way to make yourself feel better about him being in there then it is a bad idea. Just my oinion.
 
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Flutteraritypiejackspark

Guest
#6
If I may...

Dear (insert name here),

You once raped a woman. I love that woman.

She gave birth to your baby. I love that baby.

Sincerely, (insert name here)
 
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SemperFidelis07

Guest
#8
If I may...

Dear (insert name here),

You once raped a woman. I love that woman.

She gave birth to your baby. I love that baby.

Sincerely, (insert name here)
You think this situation's funny?
 

BillyTheKid

Senior Member
Feb 17, 2009
274
2
18
#9
I don't think she meant it as a joke. I think her letter she typed was basically saying to the guy, "Hey you did an awful thing, but we turned it in to a beautiful thing. Even still I don't find that letter to serve any purpose.
 
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SemperFidelis07

Guest
#10
You know something, my nieces are here to spend three weeks Christmas vacation with me and my wife. They arrived Saturday. Just seeing their smiles, hearing their laughs, hugging them makes me forget everything that is wrong with the world. This past morning before heading off to work, I went to check on my nieces. Seeing my older niece, Maya, sleeping there peacefully...all I needed wat to see her angelic face and later hear my sister's sarcastic sense of humor from her at dinner and I forget that she wouldn't be here because of that man (in the loosest sense of the word). You know, I'm gonna write out a letter, keep it in a safe place and maybe one day send it. Right now I can only pray that his time in prison will change him for the better. A lot can happen in 35 years. The judge stated that if he was legally able to, he would have sentenced him to life imprisonment but he gave him the harshest possible sentence that the state of South Carolina allowed.
 

Blain

The Word Weaver
Aug 28, 2012
21,459
3,533
113
#11
I know there is no such thing as accidents, so even birth from rape is still god bringing another loved one in this world. So abotion.. I wouldn't do it but thats just me, oh and i am a guy so ya lol
 
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SemperFidelis07

Guest
#12
Okay, get this, guys. I just got a call from my sister yesterday. Her attacker had murdered a prison guard trying to break up a fight between him and another inmate. He stabbed him several times. Now he's awaiting trial. Murder of a corrections or law enforcement officer is treated very seriously in South Carolina. This "man" will likely be sentenced to death and I feel like such a bad Christian hoping he will be executed.
 
B

biscuit

Guest
#13
Abortion seems to be a big topic on many Christian forums I'm on. Well, this subject got me thinking about an incident that happened to my sister. Pro-choicers talk about cases of rape or incest. Well...It's easy to say "don't blame the baby for the crimes of the rapist" until it's happened to you or someone you love.

My oldest sister was raped and beaten to within an inch of her life with a chain eight, nearly nine years ago by a man she once considered her friend. She was only 18 and she got pregnant and she made the choice to keep the baby. Her fiance (later that year, husband) agreed because it was her decision. But we would have totally sympathized with her if she decided to abort the pregnancy. However, what came out of this traumatic event for our family was a beautiful little girl. My sister bore a daughter, my little niece who I love more than anything and you know what, she and her husband had another little girl two years later.

As for the rapist, that scumbag got 35 years for rape and attempted murder. He nearly killed my sister, he raped and beat her with no remorse, and now he's getting what he deserves. And I hope one day he'll get to see the beautiful result of his crime that the Lord granted my sister. This beautiful angel of a little girl who will never acknowledge him as her father. He's going to be locked away for decades and when they finally release him (that is if he survives prison), he'll be branded a sex offender until the day he dies. She only visited him at the prison one time and that was in 2010. My sister looked that man dead in the eye through that glass and told him that she forgives him and loves him as a good Christian woman. Now I'm only telling you this because my sister speaks to rape victims and encourages them not to abort. I can only hope he finds Christ in prison because I know I can't forgive him for what he's done but I suppose I should because if he hadn't I wouldn't have my older niece.

Well, now I want to write this person a letter expressing my feelings to him that I kept in me for years. Now that I'm an adult, a proud uncle of two, a Marine veteran with two deployments, and a father to be, I want to write to him not out of spite but just the straight facts. Do you think I should? And what should I say. My sister didn't tell him about her daughter, she was very to-the-point with him. I will not succumb to hatred even though I can honestly say I hate him.



Please, if you're going to post scripture, explain how it's relevant.
Since he will have plenty of time on his hand, give him a Bible and tell him to reach out to Christ.
 
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SemperFidelis07

Guest
#14
I was actually hoping for advice on my last post but thanks
 
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biscuit

Guest
#15
Okay, get this, guys. I just got a call from my sister yesterday. Her attacker had murdered a prison guard trying to break up a fight between him and another inmate. He stabbed him several times. Now he's awaiting trial. Murder of a corrections or law enforcement officer is treated very seriously in South Carolina. This "man" will likely be sentenced to death and I feel like such a bad Christian hoping he will be executed.
Wow, how quickly things changed!! Well, he is history and will never leave prison. It is likely he will either get the death penalty or life without parole. His fate is in God's hands.
 
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SemperFidelis07

Guest
#16
I actually made this thread back in 2012 so it hasn't been so quick. Still, I don't think Christ would approve of my wanting the man to die.
 
B

biscuit

Guest
#17
"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (Mark 11:25)


If you live in Christ, "you must learn to forgive."
 
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#18
Forgiveness has to be the most difficult thing God ever commands us to do. I wish there were a set of rules we could follow, and at the end the thing would be finished, and we'd have achieved "forgiveness". If only it were that simple.

One thing I've found helpful is to pray for the people I need to forgive. It's hard to continue to hate them if we are praying for them. (God knows this, which is one reason he desires that we pray for our enemies.) God does things to us while we are praying. He gives us compassion, he grants us peace, he takes away poisons that we've been holding onto. This sounds so cliche', but it works. Pray for God to help you feel only compassion for this person, and then begin to pray FOR this person, that he would come to know Christ. Your heart won't be in it at first. Your flesh will HATE it. But the more you do it, the more your heart will be changed toward this man. And you'll be free.

(Having said that, forgiveness doesn't mean we don't also desire justice. I don't know that it's necessarily wrong for you to want to see justice served, as long as you aren't delighting in the punishment.)
 

Misty77

Senior Member
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#19
There are a few misconceptions that need to be cleared up. I'll address forgiveness first. Forgiveness is actually 2 steps: 1) preparing your heart to forgive the offender and 2) extending the forgiveness when the offender repents. You can prepare your heart to forgive anyone, but they first have to repent before you can forgive them. It's like salvation. Jesus died on the cross to take the punishment for the sins of the world (not an invitation to debate Calvinism on this thread). But that doesn't mean that we are all forgiven and going to heaven when we die; we first have to repent and ask for the gift of salvation. You can prepare and wrap-up your gift of forgiveness, but that gift of forgiveness doesn't belong to the other person until they ask for forgiveness. Other than Christ's statement on the cross, (which is another long discussion) you won't find any scriptural basis for unrepentant people being forgiven.

The second is justice. Read the Psalms and see what punishments David prays upon his enemies. Our God is a God of mercy, but He is also a God of vengeance. It's not wrong to desire justice for when you have been wronged. If you have ever been wronged and never see justice, it really messes you up. As image-bearers of God, we also desire to see evildoers punished. You should not harbor hate because that will rot you from the inside, but you can rest in the peace of knowing that that the Lord will execute His justice, sometimes in this world, but definitely in the one to come.
 
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SemperFidelis07

Guest
#20
I certainly hope he find redemption before they pump in the potassium chloride.