does it kinda make you want to eliminate your friend's list altogether...

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L

lav

Guest
#1
#1
when someone drops you as a friend- when you don't know what you've done wrong or why? for some reason it hurts my feelings. i guess i'm sensitive. i'm sure i'm too sensitive, but that's the effect. it could be just how i was made, i don't know if it's something i can change. i know it could seem quite juvenile, but i think it has more to do with sensitivity than immaturity. maybe i'm wrong, i don't know.

any opinions, methods of dealing with things like this for sensitive people, or suggestions from anyone at all ?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
Well, if its someone you interact with regularly or are real friends i can see it being hurtful. But if it's just a random person you don't really have anything to do with, then why would it matter? I know for myself, i often clear out my friends list on CC and take people off who haven't logged on in a while or people i don't talk to. Some people find it makes them good to have huge friends lists of strangers, while some people prefer a friends list to be just that, a list of friends.
Sometimes its just a matter of trying to change your expectations on others or how you perceive things. Not that being sensitive is a bad thing, but like anything, too much of something becomes bad and can be a detriment to you. Usually people that sensitive have issues in their past. Perhaps seeking some help into figuring out what causes it and how to work through the source issue.
 
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lav

Guest
#3
#3
i know i'm being too sensitive. i've done it myself, before. i guess it's just one of those days, thought i'd get it off my chest.


and Ugly , you are right pretty much in all you've said. thank you for taking the time.


also, yes i think it isn't such a big deal when you don't interact that often... but when you do, and you don't understand why they drop you all of a sudden, i guess it does kinda feel like, uah.
makes sense to me.
 
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lav

Guest
#4
#4
[video=youtube;FaLeoaV-4wI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaLeoaV-4wI[/video]
 
J

J-Kay-2

Guest
#5
#5
lav said:
when someone drops you as a friend- when you don't know what you've done wrong or why? for some reason it hurts my feelings. i guess i'm sensitive. i'm sure i'm too sensitive, but that's the effect. it could be just how i was made, i don't know if it's something i can change. i know it could seem quite juvenile, but i think it has more to do with sensitivity than immaturity. maybe i'm wrong, i don't know.

any opinions, methods of dealing with things like this for sensitive people, or suggestions from anyone at all ?
Click to expand...

I can understand your feeling hurt. I have done that on FB when I
was going to close out FB. ( going through emotional time ).... Did
not let anyone know. ( childish on my part ). Guess what ? They
did not miss me. Okay so maybe 3 people knew I was gone..... See
we can even die and many would never know we disappear. Okay,
so I could die and not be missed.
You, LAV, I do want to say you are so very active I know you would
be missed. I want to say I, too take off people I no longer see on
here. I don't need numbers. I need friends who will have my back.
I will check my friend list today .. I know you were still on there
yesterday. I may take off a couple that I know are not on here
anymore.
I hope I am on you friend list. I don't go to peoples pages to see
friends etc... I do check out a new poster.
Bless you ~ J~K~2
 
L

lav

Guest
#6
#6
yes, you are always on my friends list :)

even when we don't interact, i feel you fill a space in my heart. thank you

your presence and your spirit have made a difference in my life. i feel less alone because of you J-Kay-2 ,

i like to see your beautiful avitars and thoughtful presentation of words with heart.

your sister in Christ,
Lav
 
L

lav

Guest
#7
#7
i feel much better, and a little more balanced out now.

thanks you two,
in Christ-
Lav.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#8
May 3, 2013
8,719
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0
#8
What does a person to be sensed as friend?

How do you know you love or like a person as a friend?

I do agree, with YOU, it could be sensed as rejection and, obviosly, it might be felt as hurting or as a denial.

You are quite normal, otherwise, you'll be OLD to feel what many feel at "X" age in their life.

According to my nature (or thoughts) friendship is a process, it is built and kept, as a flower you keep on watering, no matter it looks drying faded and, in that case (which often happens) the more I see it fainted, the more I try to keep it, if i feel it as worhy of my attentions, but I will not ask it (like anything) and, instead, I will give it, without hoping nothing in turn.

That is what GOD has done. we tried to eliminate HIS friendship (more than once) and He stood alway near, up to the time He sent Jesus to show HIS unending pure love. :eek:
 
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lav

Guest
#9
#9
yeah, it is in the giving. you're right about that :)


sometimes i worry that i'll over-do it. so i do this with many people, i put a wall up.
sometimes i wonder if they'll stick with me, and love me for who i am, despite my inadequacies.
i guess those are the real friends, who stick around to tell you the truth.

maybe i don't give enough.

maybe my well needs replenishing from my Creator - i'm sure this is true.

i think i got depleted, and scared somewhere along the line. insecure and unsure of myself.

hurt by past relationships, not knowing how to respond the way some would like. and then they don't see me as a friend, maybe they see me as self involved, or aloof at times. though it's more a protection than a barrier i want to create against true contact and understanding.
i know there are characters like this, maybe their hearts feel like stone.

at some point the heart hardens, and we withdraw after abuse or dysfunction or neglect from our past efforts.
 
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secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#10
May 3, 2013
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#10
And i guess I get confused when I don't look at real faces or at avatars changed too often... Just sorry!
 
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lav

Guest
#11
#11
it's okay. i didn't change any avatars, but i added pictures. i wish i had more pictures of friends or other things, but i've just been alone in this room too long. i guess i feel like i can only really count on myself but more than that, of course my Loving Creator.

it makes me nervous that my life is beginning to open up, away from the computer. so much change, but i will love to bring the focus off myself so much.

i'm really not as self-interested as it may seem. just lonely :S

i remember looking through an ex who had really hurt me, his new girlfriend's pictures... several times. thinking she's gorgeous. what is it that i didn't have? it's best the relationship ended, but it made me want to compete with her, even though she doesn't see my cc account, or even know who i am. it's hard not to feel bitterness, and to forgive those from my past. it wasn't a healthy relationship, and neither were many.

i definitely have abandonment issues. and those stem from some of the most important male figures that were or were not in my life.
i seek attention and approval. validation.

it's all about insecurity and not as much about self involvement as it may seem.

there, an open book. my heart with the moat and crocodiles in it. perhaps i'm getting to the point where i need to let the drawbridge down. i'm trying
 
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JesusChica1991

JesusChica1991

Banned
#12
May 9, 2012
1,514
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#12
Very frequently, I delete people that don't even have the courage to say "hello" to me in real life or on line. I deleted and blocked someone lately who I thought was my best friend because when i would text or call her, she always claimed to be "too busy" with school and her boyfriend. I have school, work, and an internship site I have to be a part of every week. She pretty much has no excuse.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#13
May 3, 2013
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#13
You are too alike to me!

Hope one day we could share and LAUGH together. :rolleyes:

I said it once and would plan to said it twice, again (but with deeds, not words)

You know what I said...
 
L

lav

Guest
#14
#14
i'm glad to be open about it. it's okay to be emotional.

it's okay, it's hard to do... sometimes people say to me 'don't be so honest.'

well... i'm trying to find myself, outside of myself and also to work through dishonesty.

i gained weight taking medication for my illness, so i try to make myself feel better with sharing a picture of my surfboard, or a painting i made. things i used to do..

recently i was called out by several about my 'sad eyes.' so i wanted to make one that seemed happier.

i'm just bouncing all over the place, waiting for the right shape to fit into. for my inner person to be consistent with my outer person, for me to care and be with people besides just myself. for me to grow up!

i would benefit so well from a laugh. i love to laugh with people, i love to give. i think all the hurt in the past caused me to regress a bit, be selfish. be childish. this is all making a lot of sense.

indeed. in deed, and not by word but by action.

but i have to say, i do love myself. i do. though i seem to have to remember how to every day, and sometimes i try too hard to prove it.

in love,
Lav.
 
A

abbiejean

Guest
#15
#15
I don't need numbers. I need friends who will have my back.
Click to expand...
So totally agree. Having walked the road I have up to this point, I tend to want individuals in my life that choose to be, that want to be a part of my life. I don't go out seeking and hunting for friendships. Same as with dating. If I reach and am met with silence or a cold shoulder, I won't again. I take that as the individual would prefer I don't and I am good with that. If God wants so and so in my life as a friend, HE will do the sending.

lav, I know when I first came on here, I got caught up on reading and posting and interacting and such. There is a lot to this site. To be honest, had to step back and take a break. For me, it was overwhelming. Lots of posts, threads, ideas, videos...people...words. I have a life off the net and while I do understand friends are wonderful and special and can be from God, I also know what I am able to give back to a relationship/friendship. I have my limitations as well as expectations. With this site, I now limit my time and what types of threads/post I will respond to and what I will share.

Only other thing I would say is communication is good, lav. If you have questions about a certain person and feel you can approach them (praying first, asking the Lord for both the right time and words to say) then speak to them. Who knows, you might be reading their actions/behavior totally different. Could be wrong, but then again...who knows? :)
 
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secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#16
May 3, 2013
8,719
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#16
I think we would hug and cry tears of joy, LAVly friend.
 
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lav

Guest
#17
#17
also, when a woman turns around 30... she can start to get some gray hairs and fine lines and so much emphasis is placed on looks in world culture- which we are not supposed to follow, yet i can't say we aren't affected by...

some of us will do anything to try and prove we are worthy by outer standards of beauty. that we 'haven't lost it,' so to speak.

i worried that was why i got dumped last time. but there were other issues.

i could write a book about the hard things that have happened to cause me to be challenged to know if i am worthy, but i won't. i'll be patient, and wait for that laugh.

i will honor myself, and my intentions. because deep down i don't believe i am so selfish as i may appear at times.
i need that introverted time to myself.
i need self discovery, but it's time to give... i've wanted so much to give, but i had to learn to give to myself, first. and for that, i cannot and will not be ashamed of.
i always did the opposite and ended up more than short-changed.

i have given much in life, that goes unrecorded and unknown by human eyes, and that is just fine with me.

a woman has to have a sense of herself, and a sort of charisma, to get though life these days.

i don't know what i have , only that i would honestly rather share and give, than be only to myself and only a lover of myself.

i have so many dreams i wish to share with the world one day. i suppose that is the crisis and the crux, of the introvert.

best,
in all ways possible.
Lav.
 
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secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#18
May 3, 2013
8,719
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#18
Do you remember when you wrote, to me: "Be good, hermit"

It's a challange! It was soft, as you, and tender enough.

Thanks!
 
A

abbiejean

Guest
#19
#19
also, when a woman turns around 30... she can start to get some gray hairs and fine lines and so much emphasis is placed on looks in world culture- which we are not supposed to follow, yet i can't say we aren't affected by...
Click to expand...
The world's libraries cannot contain the volume of words expressed on how people are judged and valued by the outward. Sad. But true. I've dealt with that in my life. Been rejected because of it. It hurt.

Then God brought me to a place where I understood. Man sees the outward. God sees the Heart. Once I die, I'm in HIS presence, so does it really matter what man thinks? No. Not really. I live for Jesus and HIS approval. HIS grace. God has sent in my life those that get that and it is special. They don't look at the outer cuz they got Jesus in their heart and mind and are able to see me through the eyes of Jesus.

Sometimes we are brought to the point in our walk with God that He is all we have. It's enough. A few years back I had a signature on my email...Jesus. Nothing more. Nothing Less. When you have Jesus, you have all you need.

God bless you, lav. May He surround you with His perfect and unfailing love and comfort.
 
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lav

Guest
#20
#20
[video=youtube;H_yUTvoD080]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_yUTvoD080[/video] you guys are great because : Jesus. :)

sometimes i feel like this, though i haven't watched the full episode, the part about the dishes seems to resonate,
 
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