Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[Animus]

There were rumors about him being gay going around the family and he was being excluded from family gatherings because of it and I said nothing.

I think I would have trouble forgiving the people that were involved in this rumor spreading and exclusion, because even if you had called him it might not have saved him, but if they had done the right thing he would be alive for certain. Though I didn't know Nick, from what you have written it sounds like he wouldn't have wanted you to feel responsible. I'm sorry to hear this happened, it sounds like you have a good heart, I hope you can forgive yourself with time.

 

[Rachel20]

The worth of a person is not defined by their degrees, their money or their looks. All that stuff is good, it builds a person up but it's just a smokescreen to the character of a person.

And there's nothing more visible in the character of a person when you see them fall. I respect the imperfect human being. The person who has the courage to say "Hey. I was wrong. I am sorry." The person who has the chutzpah to laugh at herself.

The arrogance and pride of people who take everything, even an abstract idea personally is actually funny.

So, don't take everything to heart. And if someone brings up your faults and mistakes and shows it to you, the best way to handle it is - "Yes okay. I did that. Now what?"
Laugh with them, because you know you made that mistake. Laugh at them, because you know they have nothing better to do

 

[persNickety]

I think I am happier single. I'm confused.

 

[CatHerder]

I hope it's okay that I post this here. I just need to get something off my chest. I could post it in the confession thread but I would prefer to post it here since this conversation keeps going on and on so the chances of me having to re read this in a few weeks is very slim....

I lost my favorite cousin to suicide about 10 years ago and dealt with similar thoughts and emotions. PM me if you want to talk more. Praying for healing within your family.

Steve

 

[CatHerder]

Well, just as soon as I think I have a handle on this whole Lutheran service thing, I mess things up. I had a prelude prepared, usually from a book of church preludes that I bought a couple of weeks ago. It's "early advanced," and I'm at a level that I could just look it over a couple of times during the week and have it ready for Sunday. Then in the service is a "Call to Worship," a "Song of the Day," which is really a misnomer, because they use that the entire month, the chants and stuff that's in the Liturgy, which is entirely new to me, and there is no labeling system to find the needed hymns therein (at least that I can tell), an offering hymn, a series of hymns for communion, a choir anthem, a "sending hymn," and a postlude. The prelude and postlude are pretty much my choice.

Anyway, things went quite smoothly, until the end of the service when I forgot about the "sending hymn" and thought the service was done. So I played the postlude. When I see the choir director panicking, I realize my error, stop and play the correct hymn.

Later, she is joking with me about it and says that we almost got through the service without a glitch.
I respond with "Aaack! You guys have a song for everything! You're like Smurfs!!"

They love me there.

 

[BananaPie]

Well, PN, how about being content in each situation God is strengthening us with?
BTW, you're so cool looking like Audrey Hepburn.

 

[homwardbound]

​You're always so positive- I like that.

Thank you, For this is God all good nothing bad in God, righteous in all God ever does period and a reason for all he allows, up to us to learn from every situation we are in

 

[zeroturbulence]

I think I am happier single. I'm confused.

It happens.

 

[homwardbound]

homwardbound, I don't really understand what do you mean by Will anything any response make this void?......

You've mentioned Abraham. God looked at Abraham's faith and took Abraham's mistakes/sins with a loving heart and worked with it and turned it into a beautiful thing that taught Abraham a lesson.

As human beings we cannot be perfect. But we have to constantly grow in our faith, grow in our relationship with God, be more mature spiritually by God's help of course. We cannot do this by ourselves either.

All through the first Testament has it not been shown that we can not be perfect and had to sacrifice an animal and shed its blood to be freed from sin and had to do that year after year as to be reminded of our sins year to year and that there is no remission of sin without the shedding of blood ever and Christ is the last sacrifice and shedding of blood for forgiveness. Either this is true or it is not. For this world to have taken on Christ and ask for more forgiveness without anymore sacrifice and the shedding of anymore blood is not forgiveness is it? At least not from God, from man to man yes and it makes the flesh feel so good does it not?
Yet one never quits sin, never has their conscious purged from sin and therefore are convixted in sin beacuse one does not believe God through Christ took it away once and for all, in order to give one new life in the Spirit
· Hebrews 10:1
[ Christ’s Sacrifice Once for All ] The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves. For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year, make perfect those who draw near to worship.
· Hebrews 10:2
Otherwise, would they not have stopped being offered? For the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all, and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins.
· Hebrews 10:10
And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.
So all I am saying is Christ did do it all for us to bring us to new life in Father, by the resurrected Christ, we are to now walk in the Spirit only and the old flesh can do nothing but follow, but if I keep focused on the flesh, whether I want to doi waht is right or not, I just manifest the flesh and reap corruption and continue in sin. Where as I rest in the finished of Christ I walk in dependency as Christ walked
[h=3]Galatians 6:8[/h]Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

[SUP]8 [/SUP]For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting

May God reveal this truth to you as Paul has tried so many times in the scriptures as he even explained in Romans 7 as well the difference of walking in flesh and the Spirit of God. Teaching us to be dead to flesh by the death of Christ and alive to God by the resurrected Christ given to us from God Romans 6 real clear on this Sister
The fight is between our flesh and the Spirit of God. And our flesh is unredeemed so it makes since then to see it, the flesh as dead with Christ at the cross does it not? so that I might see the new life given in the Spirit of God, given not earned ever.
[h=3]Philippians 3:10-11[/h]Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

[SUP]10 [/SUP]that I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; [SUP]11 [/SUP]if by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.

Praying this helps and God reveals this to you

 

[lil_christian]

What is it with sweet elderly ladies giving me comments on how cute/pretty I am? I don't know. But it makes me feel blessed.

 

[zeroturbulence]

What is it with sweet elderly ladies giving me comments on how cute/pretty I am? I don't know. But it makes me feel blessed.

Hate to break it to you but you really are pretty, Lil.

 

[lil_christian]

Hate to break it to you but you really are pretty, Lil.

Haha thanks! Funny thing was I was kind of feeling down today about myself at church and she came up to me and she's like, "Hey, cutie!! How are you?? How old are you again? What school do you go to? You're just so pretty." she always makes me smile when she comes up and says hi to me at church.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I shouldn't be up this late, when I do, I get ornery and all emotional about things I wouldn't really get all emotional about. Like the fact that I can't really seem to follow anyone's orders at all. Not exactly very good practice for when I need to take orders from, let's say a future husband, or even more importantly, GOD!
UGH! I feel so terrible right now!

Don't let that worry you too much. Everyone tends to feel that way when they've got other people trying to tell them what to do. It's normal

 

[homwardbound]

I hope it's okay that I post this here. I just need to get something off my chest. I could post it in the confession thread but I would prefer to post it here since this conversation keeps going on and on so the chances of me having to re read this in a few weeks is very slim.

Some of you may know that on September 14th my 17 year old cousin Nick committed suicide. What you don't know is that every day since it happened I blamed myself for it and I have never been able to forgive myself. There were rumors about him being gay going around the family and he was being excluded from family gatherings because of it and I said nothing.

Truth is, I was too wrapped up in my own life. Just two days before he took his own life, my mind ran on him and I was going to call him but I never did. I was too busy spending time with the people directly around me, my boyfriend, wasting time doing silly things like playing games or watching movies or reading. I wasted so much time when I should have set aside five minutes to call him and see how he was doing.

I kept saying "tomorrow" and tomorrow never came for us. I wish I had called him and asked about the rumors and even if they were true I would have told him that I still loved him and that I would always love him and that I will always be there for him no matter what anyone else says to him because he was abandoned by everyone in the family. Truth is he was abused as a child and I can relate to that so I feel guilty for never reaching out to him. I know being gay is wrong but I could have never judged him for it, that's God's job. Mine is to love him unconditionally because he was a child who needed someone to love him and I feel as if I failed him.

I wish I had made that call. I will never forget that on September 14th at around 4:00 pm my cousin called and told me that Nick had hung himself. At first it didn't register so I said "ok" and I hung up. Then the tears began pouring and I called her back and asked "Is he dead?" and she said "yes" and I had to break the news to everyone in my house.

I was so shocked because he was always a boy who refused to let the world get him down. When he was born his father and mother abandoned him and refused to care for him so my mother was the one who took care of him financially while he lived with my grand dad. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if he came to live with us? Would he still be alive? What would his life be like if I had made that one call? I can remember it all like it was yesterday.

I remember what I was wearing when I found out, I remember what I wore to go see his father, my uncle that night. It's something that I can never forget. I remember the funeral because it was my first burial and I was so angry because I looked at him and I did not recognize him. He looked different and it rained that day so much. I remember the rituals and everything that was done, and I remember coming home and tearing everything I was wearing off and throwing it away because it felt dirty and wrong, it felt wrong that he was dead and I was trying to get rid of the memories.

I did not sleep that night, every time I closed my eyes I saw him lying there in that casket. I laid in bed all night with the lights on till the sun came out and that made me angry too, I was angry because the sun came out and it was such a beautiful day and it was perfect out as if nothing bad happened the day before. I felt as if the would should be morning that this boy took his own life because nobody cared enough to reach out.

Even now, I sit here and I wonder to myself what if I made that call? What if I had spoken to him? Would it have helped? Would he still be alive? This guilt... is something I carry around with me every day of my life. Sometimes I feel as if I see him, be it across the street, in a store, I see glimpses of him everywhere. I know it's my mind playing tricks on me and that he's gone but it's so hard to let go.

Sometimes I feel as if God is punishing me for being selfish and not reaching out to my cousin because after he died, so many bad things began happening. After he died about 11 other people died that year and it was just the same scenario on repeat over and over again including my best friend in October. Maybe God is really angry at me for being selfish and not saving my cousin which is why I am having such a hard time with life right now?

I don't know.. I just wish I reached out to him.

You are now, and he knows and is busy catching all your tears, he is free now, and whether this ever changed and he never did what he did, will never change the fact that we all die at some time or point in our lives, physically that is
I know my own guilt started at age 14, when my Sister died on an overdose and was not determined as to be suicide or not; killed as she was determined too high to fight back being shot up with heroin.
Either way I had to come to terms and accept it. What is done is done and there is nothing I can ever do to change it. I could never begin healing without accepting it is what it is

Sister there is nothing you can ever do to change what is done can you? Will any amount of worrying over it, change what is? The full mirror is broken and the pieces are all over the ground. Pick up all the pieces and see the whole picture in this mirror and not a view of pieces that do not give the whole full view what is.
I for 13 years became an alcoholic over my Sister's death, not wanting to accept it, and medicated me for all those years to not face it.
Then one day I accepted this as fact, she is past on from here and I accepted this and lost all desire in drinking, no more escaping from the truth that needed to faced head on in order to heal.
It is not easy Sister, learn from this and know you will do in the future all you can as you learn to be led by God and none other. Use what you now know in helping others to not do the same as you now know to let God's love shine through. Learning from our past is good medicine, not escaping it in guilt.
It is waht it is and the sooner we face it the sooner healing begins
Love you deeper than you might know, from God and me to you

 

[homwardbound]

I shouldn't be up this late, when I do, I get ornery and all emotional about things I wouldn't really get all emotional about. Like the fact that I can't really seem to follow anyone's orders at all. Not exactly very good practice for when I need to take orders from, let's say a future husband, or even more importantly, GOD!
UGH! I feel so terrible right now!

God is your friend not your tyrant, talk to him and trust God, I personally have not regretted this after I saw God as my friend over many that teach God as a tyrant
Emotions when in the lead is the trouble maker of the flesh

 

[homwardbound]

I think I am happier single. I'm confused.

There is a lot of work in a marriage from both sides for we each have our beliefs in things and we should hear each; do you not think whether we like it or not yes? It is the same as to find out how deep God's love really is for us
Work hard to enter God's rest, and it is worth it to enter this

 

[homwardbound]

What is it with sweet elderly ladies giving me comments on how cute/pretty I am? I don't know. But it makes me feel blessed.

might be a ploy not from them more from the enemy to get you proud and boastful and rely on your flesh? For our warfare is not carnal, it is spiritual from high places, by trying to plant thoughts of?

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

might be a ploy not from them more from the enemy to get you proud and boastful and rely on your flesh? For our warfare is not carnal, it is spiritual from high places, by trying to plant thoughts of?

Or, just a wonderful spirit of encouragement for girls who are at an age when most are painfully self-conscious and often shy. We have some mighty encouragers in our church as well. It is definitely a spiritual gift that the Holy Spirit gives the Body.

 

[BananaPie]

might be a ploy not from them more from the enemy to get you proud and boastful and rely on your flesh? For our warfare is not carnal, it is spiritual from high places, by trying to plant thoughts of?

Howdy, Brother, that's pretty cool advice, but knowing Lil, I can see how people would complement her. The Lord has, not only made her physically cool, but He as also graced her by anchoring her to the faith early in her life.

Any teen who repents and comes to serve the Lord, is already a pretty cute teen!
BTW, it's nice seeing ya' brother.

 

[lil_christian]

Or, just a wonderful spirit of encouragement for girls who are at an age when most are painfully self-conscious and often shy. We have some mighty encouragers in our church as well. It is definitely a spiritual gift that the Holy Spirit gives the Body.

Yep. She's a very sweet lady and I know for a fact she has good intentions. While I do accept compliments most of the time, (but sometimes getting them from guys is super weird for some reason. Though I don't get a lot of compliments from guys anyways. So not a big issue for me. lol) I don't let them go to my head. I'm just not that kind of person...not to say sometimes I don't have pride. Though sometimes it's more the self-entitlement kind which I hate that...I don't know why sometimes I'm the very thing I dislike.