never had a gf. don't see much hope of ever getting one. any suggestions?

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Arcynaculr

Arcynaculr

Banned
#1
Dec 15, 2013
229
0
0
#1
So ive never had a gf or gone on a date or anything... and i feel really lonely in this area... but im not sure what to do... i thought if i just was myself that someone would like me for me but so far that hasn't worked... Is it possible no one will ever like me for me? Is there sonething i can do different and still stay true to myself?

I see so many others who are in happy relationships and i dont know how they do it cuz it does not seem to work for me... maybe most people are more likable than i am?

At this rate it feels like i will be a real life forever alone :/

I dont know if im doing anything wrong or not but thats why im asking cuz i feel clueless.
And just fyi: i never did much in person interaction... im too shy... i try to get to know girls online first cuz its easier.

Anyway i hope i dont seem too stupid asking these questions...
And im not christian but thought id ask here anyway cuz why not? So yea.
 
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rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#2
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
81
48
34
#2
I'm 23 and last year I went on my first date. Guess what? I don't feel like I'm any more of a person or anything "more" because of it. In fact, I sort of regret it, but you live and learn. :)

I know you hear this all the time, I hear it too, but it's really starting to sink in: You are young. You're 20. You don't know what the next 50 years hold, do you? Or even the next 5 years, or 1 year! I know it seems like when it's a pattern of loneliness that it will seem like it's going to be that way forever, but it may not be. If you keep thinking about the loneliness, you're going to be held back by it, allow yourself to grow from it. Do what you love and see who else likes doing those things, too.

I can say, though, that I know it's hard when you're shy (I'm shy too), but if you want to meet a girl, you have to talk to them. You can talk to them online, but even then you're going to have to eventually meet them in real life if you want to know them more, and real life can be very, very different. Maybe work on your confidence, both in general and in yourself, so that you feel more comfortable talking to girls. We don't bite, at least not most of us. ;)
 
F

faroukfarouk

Banned
#3
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#3
rachelsedge said:
I'm 23 and last year I went on my first date. Guess what? I don't feel like I'm any more of a person or anything "more" because of it. In fact, I sort of regret it, but you live and learn. :)

I know you hear this all the time, I hear it too, but it's really starting to sink in: You are young. You're 20. You don't know what the next 50 years hold, do you? Or even the next 5 years, or 1 year! I know it seems like when it's a pattern of loneliness that it will seem like it's going to be that way forever, but it may not be. If you keep thinking about the loneliness, you're going to be held back by it, allow yourself to grow from it. Do what you love and see who else likes doing those things, too.

I can say, though, that I know it's hard when you're shy (I'm shy too), but if you want to meet a girl, you have to talk to them. You can talk to them online, but even then you're going to have to eventually meet them in real life if you want to know them more, and real life can be very, very different. Maybe work on your confidence, both in general and in yourself, so that you feel more comfortable talking to girls. We don't bite, at least not most of us. ;)
Click to expand...
Hi Ms Rachel: There's also the question of spiritual compatibility: "Can two walk together except they be agreed?" (Amos 3.3)
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#5
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#5
I am 34. I went on one date my freshman year of high school. That's it. Do I feel like less of a person? Nope. I don't need someone to make me whole. Someday, I may meet a godly man and Holy Spirit will confirm that marriage is in my future and in God's plan for me, but until that day, I rejoice in being single and of not having a string of dates or exes behind me. There is great freedom in truly waiting on God, obeying and following Him, and letting Him lead you where He will. During the season of singleness, however long it may be, draw so near to God, be intimate with Jesus and truly learn His will and plan for your life. God is good, His timing is amazing, and no one else can ever love you like He does.
 
F

faroukfarouk

Banned
#7
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#7
mystdancer50 said:
I am 34. I went on one date my freshman year of high school. That's it. Do I feel like less of a person? Nope. I don't need someone to make me whole. Someday, I may meet a godly man and Holy Spirit will confirm that marriage is in my future and in God's plan for me, but until that day, I rejoice in being single and of not having a string of dates or exes behind me. There is great freedom in truly waiting on God, obeying and following Him, and letting Him lead you where He will. During the season of singleness, however long it may be, draw so near to God, be intimate with Jesus and truly learn His will and plan for your life. God is good, His timing is amazing, and no one else can ever love you like He does.
Click to expand...
God's way (singular) is perfect.

His ways (plural) are past finding out.

We need grace and wisdom to understand both, and to trust, day by day.
 
A

Ace85

Guest
#9
#9
Dude! You are 20! Relax a little. Stop putting pressure on yourself, and the females in your life. Try and see this time in your life as a time of growth. It's also an opportunity for you to pray for the person that God would have for you - that God would prepare your heart and mind. Pray for her day/week, her health, job/study etc.
Don't fear - I'm 28 and have never had a date. It's just a matter of relying on God, and waiting on Him.
 
David_1

David_1

Banned
#10
Mar 21, 2011
1,515
16
0
#10
Arcynaculr said:
So ive never had a gf or gone on a date or anything...
Click to expand...

You are 20 and male. it happens.

Sadly when you get older, you have younger girls throwing themselves at ya.

I would work on the following:

* Hygiene. Even if you got good hygiene, increase things like deodorant etc
* Better looked after cloths.
* socialise more.
* Just relax and treat them like fellow friends
* when you find that spark with someone work it slowly.
 
F

faroukfarouk

Banned
#11
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#11
Ace85 said:
Dude! You are 20! Relax a little. Stop putting pressure on yourself, and the females in your life. Try and see this time in your life as a time of growth. It's also an opportunity for you to pray for the person that God would have for you - that God would prepare your heart and mind. Pray for her day/week, her health, job/study etc.
Don't fear - I'm 28 and have never had a date. It's just a matter of relying on God, and waiting on Him.
Click to expand...
Ms Ace85: In the end it's first and foremost about vertical (Godward) relations rather than horizontal (interpersonal) relations, right?

Blessings.
 
M

MissColdasIce

Guest
#12
#12
I was 20 once and I've been restless about the same matter for a time so don't ever think
we say this to you coz we don't understand; we do.
Reading your post reminded me of this and I hope you catch something from this like I have.
There's so much truth in it. :)

"The wait itself is a gift of grace. You see, waiting is not only about what you will receive at the end of the wait.
Waiting is about what you will become as you wait…Waiting means surrendering your glory.
Waiting means submitting to His glory. Waiting means understanding that you were given life and breath for the glory of Another. Waiting gives you opportunity to forsake the delusion of your own glory and rest in the God of awesome glory. Only when you do that will you find what you seek, and what you were meant to have: lasting identity, meaning, purpose, and peace in Christ. In this way waiting is much more than a burden for you to bear; it is a precious gift for you to receive with joy." - Paul Tripp

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you..
Matthew 6:33

 
F

faroukfarouk

Banned
#13
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#13
MissColdasIce said:
I was 20 once and I've been restless about the same matter for a time so don't ever think
we say this to you coz we don't understand; we do.
Reading your post reminded me of this and I hope you catch something from this like I have.
There's so much truth in it. :)

"The wait itself is a gift of grace. You see, waiting is not only about what you will receive at the end of the wait.
Waiting is about what you will become as you wait…Waiting means surrendering your glory.
Waiting means submitting to His glory. Waiting means understanding that you were given life and breath for the glory of Another. Waiting gives you opportunity to forsake the delusion of your own glory and rest in the God of awesome glory. Only when you do that will you find what you seek, and what you were meant to have: lasting identity, meaning, purpose, and peace in Christ. In this way waiting is much more than a burden for you to bear; it is a precious gift for you to receive with joy." - Paul Tripp

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you..
Matthew 6:33
Click to expand...
Great thoughts! instead of the emphasis on us seeking someone, it should be above all on God seeking us and His ways for us.

Blessings.
 
Arcynaculr

Arcynaculr

Banned
#14
Dec 15, 2013
229
0
0
#14
rachelsedge said:
I'm 23 and last year I went on my first date. Guess what? I don't feel like I'm any more of a person or anything "more" because of it. In fact, I sort of regret it, but you live and learn. :)

I know you hear this all the time, I hear it too, but it's really starting to sink in: You are young. You're 20. You don't know what the next 50 years hold, do you? Or even the next 5 years, or 1 year! I know it seems like when it's a pattern of loneliness that it will seem like it's going to be that way forever, but it may not be. If you keep thinking about the loneliness, you're going to be held back by it, allow yourself to grow from it. Do what you love and see who else likes doing those things, too.

I can say, though, that I know it's hard when you're shy (I'm shy too), but if you want to meet a girl, you have to talk to them. You can talk to them online, but even then you're going to have to eventually meet them in real life if you want to know them more, and real life can be very, very different. Maybe work on your confidence, both in general and in yourself, so that you feel more comfortable talking to girls. We don't bite, at least not most of us. ;)
Click to expand...
Unfortunately, being alone i feel rather worthless, like i dont have anyone to live for but myself...
Yea... i know im young compared to many. But i cant just wait till im 40 until i start getting worried...

Ok, so i love vidgames, especially horror ones, and recently i tried talking to this girl on a random social site who daid on her profile that she likes horror games... So i figured this common inteterest would be a good conversation starter... so i sent a mssg and asked about the kinda horror games she liked exactly... she never replied... now i do have my pic up on this site and im not sure why she didnt respond but i dont like how i look so maybe she didnt either?? I dont know... and i know it shouldnt bother me but i get ignored by girls alot on diffetent social sites... some right away nd some after i talk to them a bit... i just dont understnd it... and wenever i do talk to a girl alot (which is rare) they become just a friend...

of course its very hard for me to find a girl im really interested in anyway... that last girl i actually was really interested in cuz she had commpn interests and so when she ignored me it really made me feel bad... confidence takes a hit when you try and get ignored... its like a cycle.
 
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Arcynaculr

Arcynaculr

Banned
#16
Dec 15, 2013
229
0
0
#16
mystdancer50 said:
I am 34. I went on one date my freshman year of high school. That's it. Do I feel like less of a person? Nope. I don't need someone to make me whole. Someday, I may meet a godly man and Holy Spirit will confirm that marriage is in my future and in God's plan for me, but until that day, I rejoice in being single and of not having a string of dates or exes behind me. There is great freedom in truly waiting on God, obeying and following Him, and letting Him lead you where He will. During the season of singleness, however long it may be, draw so near to God, be intimate with Jesus and truly learn His will and plan for your life. God is good, His timing is amazing, and no one else can ever love you like He does.
Click to expand...
Some people handle being alone better than others...
 
Arcynaculr

Arcynaculr

Banned
#17
Dec 15, 2013
229
0
0
#17
Ace85 said:
Dude! You are 20! Relax a little. Stop putting pressure on yourself, and the females in your life. Try and see this time in your life as a time of growth. It's also an opportunity for you to pray for the person that God would have for you - that God would prepare your heart and mind. Pray for her day/week, her health, job/study etc.
Don't fear - I'm 28 and have never had a date. It's just a matter of relying on God, and waiting on Him.
Click to expand...
Yea... only 20... But you never know when you could die. i could die at 22. would be nice to know a special person loves me before i die...
 
wisebeardman

wisebeardman

Banned
#18
Mar 22, 2013
4,718
124
63
Indiana
#18
20 not a big deal.

now if you get to 31/32 and never had a female into you. then start to worry.
 
M

MissColdasIce

Guest
#20
#20
geez i know youre young and all but for a 20 year old man, you whine too much. forgive me and i really dont mean to offend. you seem to be close minded and youre not getting the bigger picture or the gist of what we are all saying at all.
dont let your emotions and loneliness consume you. theres so much more to life than that.

i dont know what exactly you want to hear but it's apparent that you have a lot to work on.
this mentality of yours is like a disease to your soul; a cross you bear and you need to die to it.
your pain is familiar, in a way, and ill be praying for you.
 
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