Divorce poll. Can I get at leat 50 answers from divorced people, please?!!!????

[mercyswolf]

Yes i know the best thing for him to do is pray about it i know. Which is what he's been doing and been finding good answers might I add. He's also finding God is more forgiving than he thought. The marriage on the other hand has already ended. She wanted to be with someone else and she outright told him that she had been seeing him and wasn't about to change her mind. So he looked to God's word for answers and found that it was best to let her go. But because he was willing to and attempted to reconcile the marriage could he still remarry?

 

[concernedguy]

Ok looking back on the scripture reference you mentioned concerned i think i figured it out.

I'm not trying to point fingers or judge. Just offer as much advise as I can to a brother or sister in
Christ. Jesus commanded us to judge each other in love and share each others burdens. It is
more my desire to help correct than judge but I do desire to offer you Godly Council.

It is by each of us keeping an eye on the other and jumping in and helping each other with our
burdens that we remain strong for Christ. If we share each others burdens, it makes your burdens
lighter. And should another issue arise while you are dealing with your issues, I might be able to
guard you against those new issues allowing you more time to deal with your current issues by
standing between you and them. If you are dealing with issues, you probably are like most Christians,
at a weak point because the issues drain you. While you are weak, those of us that are stronger
should stand strong against other issues that might affect you and hit those issues head on if
need be to protect you in your time of weakness.

After your brothers and sisters in Christ do this for you, you don't owe us anything. For one
day, it will be us that is weak and you that stands firm as a strong shield for us in our time of
weakness.

God bless and provide all your needs.

 

[concernedguy]

Yes i know the best thing for him to do is pray about it i know. Which is what he's been doing and been finding good answers might I add. He's also finding God is more forgiving than he thought. The marriage on the other hand has already ended. She wanted to be with someone else and she outright told him that she had been seeing him and wasn't about to change her mind. So he looked to God's word for answers and found that it was best to let her go. But because he was willing to and attempted to reconcile the marriage could he still remarry?

If she was not a Believer, she can leave and he is free to do as he pleases with God's blessing.

If she is leaving, believer or not after committing adultery, he is free to do as he pleases with God's blessing.

 

[mercyswolf]

That's what we're supposed to do. Even to those who don't believe. We are instructed to love one another as Christ loved the church.

 

[concernedguy]

I disagree. Sure, I completely acknowledge that God doesn't like divorce and it is clearly spoken about in His word; but making the comment that ' All divorces happen because the marriage is not based on Christ' is a HUGE assumption to make, especially when there is no way you can know the finer detials of every individual situation.

I have known amazing Christian couples, who do have a Christ-centred marirage. Their lives are revolved around living for Christ- and the marriage has ended. But just because we choose to be Christians, doesn't make us exempt from struggling with sin - and this is the same in marriage.

Once you get saved, it doesn't mean life is bed of roses, and you will have no struggle,(in fact quite the opposite, we are told in God's word to EXPECT tribulations) just the same as once you get married it isn't always going to be harmonious bliss. We have to die to ourselves daily and make a concerted effort to live for Christ, just as all relationships (especially marriages) take work. You have to be work at it, you have to be prepared to iron out your flaws, you have to be considerate of another person.

I think you should be realy careful in making assumptions that indicate you know everything, when clearly there's no way you possibly can. As Christians we have desire and a responsibility to live our life according to God's plan for us. Sometimes though, regardless of how much we try, and how obedient we are to HIM, that doesn't always work. I have seen Christian marriages fall apart because one person is stubborn. They have let sin and selfishness and pride take over their lives, and hurt lots of other people in the process.

It brings me back to my point that it's easy (even if we are CHRIST-Centred) to struggle with sins, and let them overtake our lives. No one is perfect, and we should never claim to be so. All marriages have their struggles. We just need to make the right choice and choose to rely on God, and not let the struggles take over as the 'easy way out'. Having said that though, there are some situations we will NEVER understand, having not experienced them ourselves, and therefore I feel we have no place passing judgment. God is the ONLY judge.

The finer details of their relationship don't matter. If a relationship is based on Christ and both are
doing what is best for the other and loving their spouse as their self, there simply is no room
for abuse or issues to destroy a marriage.

I don't know everything. I only know that under God's Word, loving your spouse as yourself and
forgiving are the things that make any marriage strong as you seek Christ guidance in all issues.
Not doing these things allows the devil to attack your marriage.

If a marriage fell a part because a person was stubborn that proves my point. They are not making Christ
the center of their relationship which causes the problems

 

[mercyswolf]

So even if he goofed. He'd still be able to remarry? 0.o I think i missed something not sure though.

 

[concernedguy]

How about each devoting themselves to their spouse so that in the event that they DO, and they surely will at some point in time, sin against the other, they have it in them to forgive the other? Unconditionally. As Christ forgave?

Your point is my main point. There can be nothing that puts what God hath joined together asunder
unless we take our eyes off Him. But I can see this is a mute point.

I guess my point is that God is bigger than anything in this world. Jesus has overcome this world.
There are problems. Some big ones. But those that divorce because their child died or those that
divorce because their spouse doesn't make them happy is not consistent with God's Word.

The only way a marriage can fail is if one of them takes their eyes off Christ. This is my only point.
There is nothing so strong that Christ can not overcome it if we let Him. Marriage is a struggle I agree.
But marriage is not a divorce because things aren't how someone thought they would be. Using
the fact that God forgives us as an excuse to remarry if its not authorized under God's Laws is
not right. God may forgive you but under His Laws, you are still committing adultery with your
new spouse because the basis of the marriage is not blessed by God.

 

[concernedguy]

So even if he goofed. He'd still be able to remarry? 0.o I think i missed something not sure though.

What does goofed mean?

 

[mercyswolf]

messed up...

 

[concernedguy]

This person forgave her to say the least but at the same time she kept after him for a divorce and when he finally found out the real truth he let her go because she didn't want to be with him. Now he's interested in someone else and I'm trying to make sure he is within biblical principles to remarry if things work out for him.

That gave the information needed.
She is not a Believer if he offered her the chance and she turned it down. So under God's Laws, she can
leave and he is can do as he pleases. But do note that this means he can only seek other Christians
as a spouse.

 

[mercyswolf]

Oh he learned that valualbe lesson and a half. I've told him the same thing. Take this season first before you do anything else and get closer to God and seek His will for your life before you consider another relationship and He's doing just that.

 

[concernedguy]

Oh he learned that valualbe lesson and a half. I've told him the same thing. Take this season first before you do anything else and get closer to God and seek His will for your life before you consider another relationship and He's doing just that.

That is good solid Biblical advice. Though it might hurt if God directs him away from the person
you said he has met, he will be much happier with the person God gives him than second best.

He should focus on building his relationship with Christ. To be a good leader in his next marriage,
he will need to be strong and always seeking God's advice or the result might be the same.
There will always be problems in marriage but that doesn't mean to get a divorce. If a problem
puts stress on your marriage, then focus on Christ's strength and love each other through it
and you will grow closer to God and each other in the process.

 

[mercyswolf]

The person he's met and interested in NOW is much more than second best. She's a great person and I could see the two of them together. But back to the point. You are right...marriage is a roller coaster ride no doubt...almost like riding a horse you have to know how to sit a buck and hold on. And even if you do get thrown off you have to get right back up and climb back on the horse and ride. Yes I tend to use equestrian and firefighting analogies a lot lol. Personally you're last two lines I don't think I could've said any better. Because couples do have to get through things together. Particularly if they want their marriage to succeed the way he does the next time around.

 

[oopsies]

I'm not married nor have I ever been divorced. But I was just wondering if anyone has listened to Patricia Ashley's series on marriage? I think it's the Experiencing a Fulfilled Marriage series. I found what she said to be ideal - great if everyone could do what she did but didn't know if it was something that others have found to work in their own marriages?

 

[kiwi_OT]

I think I will answer this on behalf of my mum whos divorced and tying up loose ends with her second divorce. My mum has had zero support from her church because of shes done things which I hate. Mum divorced my biological father (even though they met at church) because he was a closet gay with transgender issues, who also had psychosis and believed his children (my brother and me) were trying to poison him and the govt was spying on him. He is now an open member of the transgender community and now practices buddhism. My mums second husband she aslo met at church at a singles group. He later spent 10 years emotionally and physically abusing myself and my mother. Even though none of the involved parties commited adultery, I have supported my mum with both divorces. Needless to say not many christians have supported us, and think mum should go back to either her gay ex or the man who believes hes done nothing wrong but whome we believe deserves to be in prison.
Hard case aye?

 

[peekaboo]

Hi yes, i'm very ashamed and still hurt and asking God for forgiveness . I am twice divorced, my first marriage was not a Christian one and we had three children. He was an abusive alcoholic and gambler I had to move 7 hours away to not be stalked. Unfortunately i made the same mistake twice only this time i was a Christian and married him because i thought i was doing the right thing by God. What i put my kids through and myself , i still can't believe it, if it wasn't for God's grace and mercy and forgiveness i don't know where i would be, He is my strength and my fortress my peace and my joy.

 

[jollyduckpepper]

Hi,

This is definately a tough topic. It's frustrating when people say "I don't believe in divorce" especially when they've never experienced marriage tradegy. I used to be one of those people that was judgemental thinking that any Christian that had been divorced was obviously not seeking God's will for their life and marriage. This was until my husband came home one night and told me that he was sleeping with another woman and that he didn't love me anymore. Despite repeated attempts to reconcile, he continued his affair and then admitted to sleeping with more women that he can count. How can one reconcile with someone who doesn't wish to reconcile? The marriage covenant is broken before a divorce paper is given.

Anyways - in answer to your poll, My divorce goes through next month, due to marital unfaithfulness of my husband and no I have no remarried.

I'd love to hear from others that may have been in a similar situation. Yes, God does provide an avenue for divorce and remarriage where adoltary is concerned. I am thankful.

Joy germs

Jolly

 

[grace]

Ok........my story


(will try to make it brief..and stick to the facts....this is just my story, and I do not judge anyone else.)

I am divorced, unfortunatly.

Shortly after we got married he changed a LOT. I know it sounds crazy but he was not the same person I married.

I was very devoted to my marriage though, and had the full beliief that scripture called me to do ALL things as unto the Lord...including serve my husband and our marriage vows even though he was not doing the same in return.

I had always *suspected* he was unfaithful....but did not have proof untill 2007 (we had married in 2001) He informed me in the fall of 2006 that he was filing for divorce.

You have to have a *reason* (under the law) to get a divorce..and the reasons he was filing was cruel and inhumane treatment and irreconsilable differances.

The judge threw out the cruel and inhumane treatment (as he saw it just as a ploy to make me look bad and did not believe the allegation).

And...with the irreconcilable differances, I denied it. Basically meaning I was contesting the divorce.

I had NOOOO support on this @ all. and to be honest was quite shocked. Mike was very controlling and manipulative and had many other issues I believe because he was not running after God with his whole heart and submitting the marriage to Him. I was prayerfully staying in my marriage because of a number of reasons. (hopefully you have all followed me so far and will understand what I mean)

1) When you get married, you get married for better or for worse.....I had to ask myself...is this as *worse* as it can get..????? The answer was no.

2) I also had to ask myself.....have I done absoLUTEly everything I could in this marriage to make it work..?? Again, the answer was no.

3) I had children....I wanted them to know that I was totally 100% running after God with everything I was....including submitting what seemed like a hopeless situation to Him to work in for us. (that is faith)

4) At some point in my life I will die...and stand before the Lord and have to account for how I lived this life. I am not responsible for the choices that others make, but I sure am responsbile for how I react to them. The laws here will grant the divorce eventually...even if it is contested...BUT I did not want to stand before God and ho-hum around trying to *explain* away how I put Him (God) in a box back in 2008 just to get the divorce over with sooner. I wanted to be able to hold my head high....and say that I truly did everything I could.

I do not serve a God that is smaller than any of my problems....He can reconsile anything. Unfortunatly Mike did not choose to submit it to God as I had...and had his heart closed off to any work God may have been trying to do in him.

The divorce was granted in 2008. It took nearly 2 years to go through because I contested it. The judge accepted my reasons for denying irreconcilable differances...and the only reason the divorce could be granted was for living seperate and apart for 12 months or greater. So in a round about way...I sort of won....even the divorce went through.

Now, I am sure some of you are thinking......how could you love a man who was unfaithful, and was controling and manipulative and hateful like that. To be honest...i really did'nt. A huge divide was there....but I remained faithful to him in all ways...and was still his wife....not based off anything conditionally.....but based off doing everything as unto the Lord. I believe the love I had for him when we married could/would have been restored 10-fold had the marriage been renewed in Christ. (that too is faith)

Ok....onto the biblical issues of divorce and remarriage.

I believe that God would bless me to remarry again. He was unfaithful. BUT...I believe the person I were to marry either has to not have been married before, widowed, or if divorced, they are divorced because their former spouse was unfaithful.

I was not very fulfilled in my marriage. To be honest, he was a lousy husband...and it was a very lonely time. But, I have zero regrets. I stood true to myself, and true to the Lord and true the the example that I wanted for my children.

I am stronger because of this. and I know that God will honor what we have gone through in His ways and in His timing.

Heartpumkinpie....I hope in a round about way I have answered your questions that you were asking.

Take care

 

[oopsies]

Grace, that's very honourable of you stick by him even though he was unfaithful. I don't know how I would have reacted in the same situation!

 

[grace]

I don't think anyone really knows how they will react until truly faced with it.

All I knew for me, was that Christ was constant and unfailing and I clung to that.